...so I'm not for a second buying that BOTH main characters in this movie just happen to be bisexual. Sorry! It kind of irks me because--while being a beautiful film--I feel that it panders to this idea that gay men choose to be that way and that if we wanted to we could simply swing whichever way the wind blows. That's not at all true to life for the VAST majority of men.
shareI actually believe the contrary, bisexuality in men is extremely common but isn't able to be expressed because of how our society is set up. Even moreso with this film taking place in the early 80s.
Also, what if both of them were gay? Plenty of gay men fake interest in women just to do what's expected of them. Both of their sexualities were never directly established so we'd never know.
You must know a swath of men I don't. I can count on one hand the number of truly bisexual males I've met in my entire 40 years of life.
shareThat's my whole point--you know them, they just keep it to themselves.
shareTRUTH^
shareThat's a sweepingly generalizing statement! So ALL bi men keep it in the closet? That's extremely difficult to believe and logistically impossible. Bisexual men have to get their sex with men sometime/somewhere, at which point I (a gay guy who loves to mingle!) would cross paths with them. This happens INCREDIBLY rarely. Now there is a subset of gay men who will *pretend* they have a girlfriend because they think it makes them appear more straight and therefore more masculine and desirable to other gay men (massive violent eye roll) but these unicorn girlfriends never seem to materialize! They're always "out of town." At this point whenever a guy tells me he has a girlfriend I just give him a little patronizing smile as if to say, "Oh honey...sure you do." Bless their hearts. Not fooling anyone at this point; not my first rodeo.
After being a manwhore for over half my life now, I think I pretty well have my finger on the pulse of the male sexuality spectrum. The vast, vast majority of men are either wholly heterosexual or wholly homosexual with very few lying on the spectrum in-between. TRUST ME--I wish more of those guys over on the heterosexual end could be persuaded to step further out onto the spectrum ("Come sit by me!") but that is just not the reality I've witnessed or experienced during my sexual conquests.
In the end, the bisexual man who "keeps it to himself" doesn't get any sex with men. He has to show his cards if he's gonna get any male lovin'! At which point I'd know about him.
Ah, and the biphobic gay guy arrives right on cue.
Again, everything you're saying supports my point. e.g. "This happens INCREDIBLY rarely." Bi men stay in the closet, go their entire lives without expressing their feelings because our society is not conducive to accepting them. This is seen through gay men like yourself, straight men and also straight women. Never did I say "all" bi men stay in the closet. But the ones who are out apparently don't even exist in your eyes. You're a part of the problem.
Okay Maya. You just keep on telling yourself that! You're definitely the expert on male bisexuality.
shareI think in the future there will be more bi-sexual individuals.
You are right in the sense that a lot of gay men pretend to be bisexuals so often that it has become a 'thing'. It has been so socially unacceptable for men to be with other men romantically that men who are attracted the both men and women completely shut down and turn off that part of themselves and only have sex with and marry women.
Because we are just beginning to evolve as a society that doesn't accept that every person is a cookie cutter man or woman, i see that changing.
It's definitly not a thing in gay circles though. It takes a tremendous amount of bravery and sacrifice to come out as a gay man and if a man could have sex with a woman AT ALL, it makes sense that he would ignore that aspect of himself.
>In the end, the bisexual man who "keeps it to himself" doesn't get any sex with men. He has to show his cards if he's gonna get any male lovin'! At which point I'd know about him.
I don't get why he needs to get any sex with men. If he's bisexual and with a woman that he loves then he is fulfilled. Just as if he was with a man he doesn't need a woman or another man to be fulfilled.
Thats what Maya mentioned. And its clearly seen how pepetoony is reacting with "Bisexual men have to get their sex with men sometime/somewhere". It's like telling a happily married 100% straight guy: "I can't believe you are monogamic! You must fuck around!"
Some people are happy in one relationship and stay monogamic, either because they truly feeling like this or they keep it because of trust/norms. Same time there are many unfaithful people out there, who does not tell it to anyone. So I don't see a problem, why a bi guy might be interested in guys, but as he is happy with his relationship, stay in it.
Also @pepetoony: You would be surprised how big the swinger scene in married couples is - most of them also not saying a word, but here some guys also live out their desire and are totally satisfied.
In other words: I believe that most bi people are pursuing straight relationships, especially if they are not openly out of the closet. As they can get happy with straight relationships they even don't have to out themselves. On the other side, homosexual people have to get out of the closet to have a fulfilled life. And yes, this has to do with the general norms of our society and its acceptance.
'Truly bisexual', as opposed to falsely so? What do you mean?
shareI kinda felt like Oliver was either bi or woman were just a beard. And Elio was gay but like a lot of gay people did not figure that out until he had his first same sex experience.
He was only 17 and did not even have much experience with girls when the film first started.
What are you talking about
sharePepetooney is correct. I, too, could spend HOURS writing about the so-called "bi" guys who eventually just stepped fully out of the closet.
Bisexual is and always has been the convient buzz word for men who desire to be viewed as men who ALSO screw women. They view themselves as mysterious, and open to a conventional life with a wife (while hooking up with men on the side).
Recently my niece was approached by a very good-looking, charming guy. He told her was attracted to both men and women and wanted to date her. I told her to put on a new pair of sneakers and RUN in the opposite direction. She did, and later learned the guy married another man.
NONSENSE. It goes just as much the other way.
I've had some tentative relationships with men, but, like David Bowie, I guess, now I'm older, I'm more comfortable about simply acknowledging that I am straight, or, at most, *bi-curious*. But I am sure there are plenty of bisexual men who lean more towards an attraction to women, whilst still, nevertheless, finding some men sexually attractive (enough, thus, to make them *genuinely* bisexual).
Baloney.
shareLike someone already said, Elio was still young and doing his experiences.
So his sexual preferences are not that clear yet.
Regarding Oliver... well, his dad would have beaten him up if his son was gay so Oliver thought he had to marry a woman.
I don't think he was that much in love with her as he still had Elio in his mind.
Oliver, Elio and Elio's dad were gay. It was expected that gay men married women in those days. Period.
shareNo gay person should feel threatened by, and seek to erase the identities of others (whether they be bisexual or trans). Gay people are born gay. Bi people are born bi. Why can't we accept all these identities?
And who says that people are more likely to be born gay or straight than bi? Doesn't it make far more sense that most, or at least many, individuals would display a sexual curiousity regarding all adults, irrespective of their gender?
I am straight, or predominantly straight. It would be an act of appropriation to say I was bi, or any part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum, although I did grapple with and explore my sexuality for a while, but I am still relaxed enough to acknowledge that I find *some* men attractive, and that I might thus be classified as 'bi-curious'.