Was the dad bi?


Oh was he saying that since we only have one body in this world theirs nth wrong with experiencing everything.

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I don't think so, perhaps remotely curious. We see towards the end of the film the dad has a conversation with his son and says "...and I'll say one more thing, it'll clear the air. I may have come close but I never had what you two have. something always held me back or stood in the way."

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I certainly understood this last speech differently. By "what you two have", I took the father to mean an all-consuming and passionate love, he was not telling his son he was gay or bi. Prof. Perlman was praising Elio for being unafraid to experience life to the fullest, something he himself had not allowed himself to do because "something always held me back".

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I don’t think the dad’s confession necessarily means that he had a relationship with a man. It could’ve been a relationship with a woman that was doomed for many reasons. Maybe she was married or Mr. Perlman was already married. Or maybe one of them had to move away and they decided to part ways. I think he just meant to say that he understood Elio’s pain.

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I thought he was gay, and it didn't even occur to me until long after I saw the film that this was (apparently) not supposed to be the case.

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I thought he was implying that he was gay and (at least) once had the opportunity to pursue a relationship with a man but didn’t.

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Plus he loved to study Greek statues of men... I think together with his speech this says that he at least at one time felt drawn to the male sex, or a significant other of the same sex.... and for whatever reason never dared to explore it further...

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Yes, he was either bi or gay. After what he said, his son asks him: "does mom know?"

PS. That conversation (or rather monologue) was the only thing I liked about this movie (and maybe Marzia).

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But you could just as easily interpret "does Mom know?" as being in reference to himself. It all seems overly ambiguous, though, which must be intentional.

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It's clear that she did know - take for example the scene when she drives him home after the American pedobear left and she smokes a cigarette nervously while the boy cries. Or before, when she asks the boy if he likes the American pedobear cause in her opinion it seems that the pedobear likes him a lot.

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“Does mom know” is referring to the dads monologue and so the dads sexual orientation. So he actually asks; “does mom know you once was attracted to a man?”

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*LOL* american pedobear :D

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I agree with Cathexis that Elio meant, "Does Mom know about Oliver and me?".

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There is an interview mit Andre Aciman, where he states that many interpretations of the sentence "Does Mom know?" are valid. He said that he likes it when it stays unclear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3Fg6aN-7KE (starting at 2:00)

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