What I Learned from Watching 2Lava 2 Lantula

1. Kyle's gonna eat the popcorn.

2. Zed's dead.

3. Never tell Colton the odds. And it was 4 hours training 25 years ago.

4. Brick doesn't like many ideas.

5. The US Navy leaves its RH-1 Blackhawks just sitting around in the Everglades for anyone to use..

6. Brick's bedside manner needs help.

7. If you're gonna make a silly movie about lava spiders, but sure to put lots of references to other monster movies in it. A banner falling after a kitchen escape that references Jurassic Park is a good start. Add some 2001 and Sanford and Son references for good measure. Give it a good strong finish with a Dr. Strangelove reference.

8. If you're battling lavalantulas, be sure to spend several minutes debating what to call the large ones. Throw in some spelling tips and mythology references, too.

9. When lava spiders invade, the US military should look to washed out action stars for advice in fighting them.

10. The US Army allows colonels to wear soul patches.

11. Florida is now requiring front license plates on vehicles.

12. SyFy finally got some stock footage of F-22s and can stop recycling the old stock footage of F-16s and random Russian military jets..

13. The military's first instinct in any crisis is to nuke someplace.

14. If fire-spewing spiders invade Fort Lauderdale, forget the US military; what you really need is a washed up action star and a retired firefighter.