I am not, by any means, saying that Tori is perfectly sane but, she has been through a lot in the past few years. Her 4th pregnancy being so difficult and running her down so much after losing blood, etc. Two pregnancies back to back is difficult for a 20 year old but, a woman of 40 with 3 other pregnancies - all cesareans - really tired her out.
And, then she has had to deal with the horror of finding out that her husband has cheated on her. I have experienced that personally and it really takes a toll on your self esteem. He was in therapy - after he was suicidal - and she wasn't in good shape and had the extra burden of dealing with 4 kids by herself. Yes, I know there are supposedly several people helping her but, in the end it is her responsibility.
She also had a mother like I did - one that didn't give her unconditional love. She has tried for her entire life to get her mother to love her which is the reason she has done so many of the same things Candy did when she was growing up like the extravagant birthday parties and the crafting - just to hopefully bond with her.
So, when you decide to make Tori look like the "bad guy" here, just remember what she has been putting up with for the past nearly a year. You're right, Dean is doing better than she is but then, he didn't get cheated on and he hasn't lost his self esteem because his wife was with another man. On Tori, that weighed hard - as I truly know how she feels. What was worse in my case is that - before I even knew what was going on - he told me that he didn't think he loved me anymore. Let me tell you, that just about did me in. If not for my 2 kids, I would probably not be here right now.
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EvilBloodyDoll
9 years ago
I totally agree with you imabe. I also find it pretty sad that even her best friend since forever that gay guy I forget his name, seems to be over her. You would think he would be more sympathetic to her situation and not be so judgmental about her. It seems like only that one friend I believe her name is Courtney seems to be worried about her and not so judgmental. I understand though if they are sick of always talking about her problems, that's totally understandable but she keeps having these really bad nervous breakdowns that don't seem healthy especially if it's making her blood pressure through the roof like she said in the hospital. She's losing her sanity because her life is not where she thought it would be. I feel bad that she has all these problems. And Dean might be more sane for the kids, but I really believe he is a selfish douche. Maybe even a true sociopath. He never has shown true guilt for cheating on both of his wifes and he always plays the she's crazy card with both Mary Jo and now Tori. Believe me, if they break up, he will be calling her crazy in the media just like Mary Jo.
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imabe
9 years ago
Thank you for your input. Up until True Tori I have been a champion of Dean. He has lived in Tori's background always doing her "dirty work" but, then again, she had to do the money making because he wasn't. I still hoped that Dean would step up and do his share financially but, I doubt any man could keep up with Tori's spending habits.
You are right about the fact that she is losing her sanity because her life not where she thought it would be. My only correction here is - as I said having gone through this - She is not where she thought she was with a loving husband. He cruely ruined her trust in him and it will take a long time - if ever - to get it back. I agree with you that Dean hasn't shown remorse for his betrayal. During and since his rehab, it has all been about him getting better. And, every time she complains he uses that excuse - I'm still recovering, etc. But, she has really lost her patience with him - let alone her trust of him - and has been particularly judgmental of him. I can see this train wreck going someplace to happen and no one can stop it. I think Tori needs some intensive therapy - in the hospital where she will have less stress and can find drugs that will help her cope with her life. She needs to build up her self-esteem and find a way to become whole. I don't think she has ever been whole. I think when her father was alive, he gave her "props" but, since his death her mother has been out of touch emotionally and Tori needs to be loved by her. She has learned that she won't ever have that with her mother but, as a mother myself, I feel so badly for her. She is about the same age as my daughter and I know the way she was raised. She has never wondered for one moment in her 40 years whether I loved her or not. I have never picked her apart for just that reason. As a mother, it is important that one person in your life is your champion!
I am not sure that Tori and Dean will or should get back or stay together. Once they both have been through this growing experience, they may realize that themselves.
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!!!deleted!!! (5862285)
9 years ago
I am replying to several threads here. I'm not "Tori bashing" per se (or maybe I am)...Lord knows I've been in low places in my life too.
I am saying right now - in the present - Dean is in better mental shape than Tori. I'm not saying I have no empathy for her. My mother too was the same general way - narcissistic and cold (mean even). On a much smaller level than Tori, I was spoiled materially as an only child but not with love or positive reinforcement. It's taken me a lifetime to think differently about everything.
I guess I worded it wrong - I think Dean is getting more from therapy and whatever meetings he is going to. Tori is on the verge of a breakdown. She needs a therapist to challenge her, but in a kind way. (Good therapists are hard to find but I feel Dr. Wexler enables her too much).
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imabe
9 years ago
I agree with you on Dr. Wexler. Tori has been going to her for a very long time and Dr. W knows her inside and out. She should be a little tougher on her or she needs to refer her to a psychiatrist who can get her on meds that will help her. I am on meds and see a psychiatrist who "takes my temperature" each time I see her to figure out whether my meds are helping me. I have anxiety and depression - somewhat of a family trait - but my mother was never truly medicated to help her. She was not only a narcissist but had no emotional connection to me. I became a "pleaser" because I couldn't seem to ever please her. Along with that came the anxiety and depression.
I think Tori has a few of those symptoms too and would be helped by the right medication.
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!!!deleted!!! (5862285)
9 years ago
I think her friend will be there for her...it's just that Tori is spinning her wheels and getting nowhere emotionally right now. It gets exhausting to hear/see that happening...not to mention frustrating.
She really needs rehab of some sort - hopefully it falls into place - luckily Dean seems to be pretty level right now for the kids. I hope she gets the help she needs. This isn't just from the affair (a good part of it is) - these are issues she has had her entire life.
I do have to say though, the whole "Dean cannot do anything right" is demeaning to him. I've been on the other side of that - and finally, you get to a point and just give up.
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imabe
9 years ago
As you probably read above, I agree about rehab for Tori. She is spinning her wheels and when Dr. W suggests things to her, I really understand how she feels. Take better care of yourself is a hard one. What does that mean? I had trouble knowing exactly what that meant too. Tori sees herself in a whirlwind of demands on her. She doesn't see that she needs to spend time taking care of herself.
I agree about how Tori makes Dean feel - demeaning him. I think he is almost ready to give up. Time will tell. This was taped months ago so we should be hearing something soon. Probably after the holidays if the media knows yet.
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