Radical honesty towards children, parenting done right?

My Mum, like all parents is a very flawed woman. But she always said if I was was mature enough to ask questions in a sensible way then she would give me the answer. I really respect that. Obviously this lead to me asking all kinds of inappropriate questions, appropriately. This not only made me grow in to a very open, honest person, it also gave me a pretty good bull s**t detector. Not to mention made me 'street smart' and self aware. I never really thought about that until I decided to answer this post. She always treated me like an adult, therefore I rarely took advantage. My curfew was always a little later than most of my friends, therefore I was never late home and I never pushed it because I saw that she was fairer than most. I guess it's lead to me always being pretty sensible, even when I'm being reckless.
My Dad was the same, but he let me get away with too much out of guilt for leaving when I was young. That and the fact he was a hippy with very liberal views on parenting. He was more like the cool uncle who lets you get away with anything and eat what you want.
I'm now basically my Dad, with my Mums brains. I don't want kids, but if I did, I'd be honest with them. People treat their kids like they are idiots. My home life was pretty fractured, but I'm definitely more well adjusted than my friends growing up who had the nuclear family thing going on.
Respect your kids, you know?

Ben's total honesty with his kids was one of the parenting choices I found easiest to accept.

As a general principle, I think parents should be honest with their children. They can refuse to talk about a given subject, or go into more detail than they're comfortable with; but answers to children's questions should be truthful. Children want to know the truth, even if they get used to being lied to.

I got into a tiny bit of trouble with another parent because my kids were told that Santa Claus isn't real. I told them because they asked. I said they were still free to pretend he was real and that he left presents, if they wanted. When my younger boy upset a little friend by telling him "the truth," I instructed them not to correct anyone whose parents told them Santa was real. Once or twice I had to tell them not to talk about a particular subject with other children.

As for what you call Ben's "radical honesty," I think he may have gone too far at times, particularly when he was at his sister's house and talked about Leslie's death. First, he was stepping on his sister/brother-in-law's preferences as to how the children should be informed. Second, I think he was not simply being honest, but was (unconsciously) using the occasion to vent his feelings about the suicide. There's a difference between being totally honest with kids about difficult situations, and dumping things on them in a needlessly painful way.


"Moving in for the obligatory hug."

Sure, that could be a problem, but one that stems from the rest of the world, not a mentality of honesty towards children. With that said, I do believe sugarcoated lies screw children far more than any honesty. Children can be told the worst facts in the world and they will sleep on it and be fine. But if you lie to children, they can potentially harm themselves as their face slams into a wall of reality, at some point. This latter thing seems to happen a lot with the issue of sexuality, in American culture and its cohorts.

Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?

It is good to be open , if a kid asks a certain question he needs to be answered rather than giving away a fairy tale , but a kid who has question like the older sibling had when reading Lolita she should have not asked that question in front of other small children , as i felt the youngest one had a completely ugly feeling towards the explanation of sexual intercourse and can impact her mind and ugliness towards it when growing up , Ben way of explaining was over the top . Things need to explained but only to those who asked not all the audience around him/her

Censorship is never healthy. Doesn't really matter the subject. Children are not that fragile, but, they are very malleable and learn quickly.

I think honesty is always the best approach whenever possible. It keeps people grounded in reality, rather than fantasy. Surrounding yourself with reality, is logically the best route if you want to raise open minded thinkers who make rational decisions.

The fact that they may interact with other children and speak truthfully is of no concern to me. It's their problem by taking the extra step to lie.

The consequence of censorship and lying to your children, other than the obvious (limited and unrealistic understanding of the world) is that when those children inevitably learn the truth, the trust between parent and child can be weakened or severed.

The cold winds are rising. Winter is coming.

People forget that it's down to the way the child perceives the ability to ask questions in the first place.

'Honesty' with kids is just a buzz word/trendy parenting tactic for the benefit of the parent's ego and conscience; not for the child.
When parenting was done right and correctly (and also more out of love, rather than parents trying to friends with their kids or to be seen as 'hip'), you set a tone about certain things and subjects.

And therefore we wouldn't ask because we knew it was not appropriate. The key is the balance, and that comes from A) what kind of person you [some kids are mature, some are not] and B) how your parents start you out in life.

If your four year old is asking for a smart phone, a Facebook account and what a 'blowjob' is, you've failed in every way possible.

It seems the right choice, being radically honest, but only to a certain level imo. Telling your 5 year old his mother cut her wrists and bled to death...hm...Or telling your child daddy cheated on mommy and that's why they're fighting..?
In cases like that it's better to explain you don't want to talk about it cause it's to hard to fully understand (rather than lie or being radically honest). But I think there are some (rare) cases when it's best to lie (to protect your child), when it's older it will understand.

A people cannot be both ignorant and free.

The purpose of life is to know truth, to feel love and to do what is right.

For that is what creats life.

Hiding the truth creates a shabby foundation.

Do not exercise that which creates death.

Say you see a medical expert after a heart attack. What do you want to hear from them?

See what parents have been doing to their children all along!