First, IDK if you have parents, but there is a huge, huge difference between some random parents you never met and your own.
Second, knowing something is one thing, seeing it happen is another. The movie was very careful to point out that Tony is still reeling from his parents's death, even though it happened long ago and he thought it was an accident. He admitted himself that he was unable to deal with it.
Now, he saw them die, and it was all new information. Suddenly, they were not dead in an acccident, they were murdered. And it didn't happen fifteen years ago; the accident happened fifteen years ago. This, the murder - for Tony, it was happening right now. It was as if they died again, this time with Tony watching and unable to do anything. And the guy who murdered them in very cold blood was standing right there, looking guilty as all hell. (seriously, gotta admire Sebastian Stan, he's incredible at conveying emotion. He didn't say anything, didn't move, but you could still see him practically trying to crawl into himself).
To add insult to injury, someone he respects and from whom he desperately craves respect and friendship, clearly put the murderer above him. (In Tony's eyes, anyway. Subjective perception, but at this point it's all that matters).
I cannot imagine a human being who could take all that in a rational, composed way. Anyone would go berserk. And Tony is neurotic on his best day, much less in an aggravated situation like this, what with the Accords and the previous battle. Also, being wrong, which is a painful blow to his ego AND compounds on his guilt.
It's absolutely no wonder he snapped. And expecting him to be able to think rationally is just preposterous.
I'm too old for this sh*t...
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