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Some new things I learned from watching the Asylum's Airplane vs Volcano

posted 10 years ago by trotdawgk
7 replies | jump to latest

1. A military rank of Army Specialist (E4) apparently outranks an Army Sergeant (E5), since Spc Tully was the one giving a lot of the commands while the female SGT just sat back and did zero.

2. Airline seatbelts daisy-chained together make excellent ropes to keep a guy's ass on an airplane wing, unless you buckle one upside down.

3. Fixing airplane turbofans only require you to beat it with a hammer a few times.

4. The FFA won't allow shampoo bottles on planes but will let certain guys bring their hammers in case of example 3 above.

5. Army SPC's are in command and control of cargo planes, fighter jets and other military airplanes, and don't even need a tower to use.

6. The Command structure for the US Army in Hawaii goes as follows: Colonel, SPC, various PFC's, PV1s with a SGT thrown in for some flavor.

7. One active volcano that stops erupting will make 20 more giant ass volcanoes in a ring.

8. Usually the first person to discover a disaster is about to happen is the first person to eat it to said disaster.

9. Pyroclastic clouds race across the ocean, hit the beach, Pompeii-ify everyone there, then disappear.

10. Flying an airplane into the side of a volcano makes all the other volcanoes in the area too scare to keep on erupting, so they all stop.

[–] Nicols 10 years ago

11. Planes which are locked into a holding pattern by the autopilot to prevent a terrorist hijacking can still be controlled manually with the control column.

12. Even though you can open the door of a plane at 10,000 feet with no problems, if you lose the roof at 4,000 feet you'll get sucked out.

13. The emergency fuel dump switch is located in an awkward and difficult to reach area.

14. Civilian passenger airliners feature military style cargo bays.

[–] SeaCay 10 years ago

15. It is remarkably easy for a man with an ambiguous accent and a crazed look in his eyes to recruit passengers to storm the cockpit and overpower the sky marshal on board.

16. A fighter jet's machine guns are an effective solution to flaming rocks hurtling through the air towards your aircraft.

17. Any sort of blockage in a volcanic eruption will cause hemorrhoid like volcanoroids to erupt all around the usual outlet. An attendant burning sensation obviously goes without saying.

18. When your aircraft's radio communications fail, you can apparently Bluetooth a distress call with your Android tablet... if you have the app I suppose.

[–] SBL84 9 years ago

12. Even though you can open the door of a plane at 10,000 feet with no problems, if you lose the roof at 4,000 feet you'll get sucked out.

19. Until guys rappelling down through the open roof show up. Then they're able to land safely on the floor of the plane, and people can walk around freely.

20. Military planes can fly in and out of a volcanic ash cloud covering a massive area of dozens of active volcanoes, but a commercial jet cannot.

[–] DrunkStepdad 9 years ago

21. When climbing out of a moving airplane, make sure you wear one of those oxygen masks the airlines provide (which, in this case served no practical purpose) because they're made so well they will never come off your face when travelling at 500 mph.

I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes. They performed unspeakable acts on me

[–] clacton0 9 years ago

22. When rocks start falling from the sky run out the building which is more safe to stay in.

23 the black guy is always killed.

24. Flying in a volcano with a bomb in the plane will make it all better.

25. The have life rafts in planes.

www.youtube.com/eastangliauk

[–] By-TorX-1 8 years ago

26. Evil villains (who have no real motivation for their evil bar not being provided with paracetamol for their headache) think that the autopilot can basically do everything, and presumably that includes landing the plane.

27. Fighter squadrons approach volcanos as if they are Death Stars. Which in this movie, they pretty much are.

28. Sudden henchmen easily lose heart and just sit back down again, even though they were all geared up to throw the only pilot on the plane off the plane.

29. An Air Marshall really should be able to take out a man who is about two foot smaller than he is. And should be actually good at combat, given his job is to overpower onboard threats.

Best films ever:

Snakes on a Plane
Snakes on a Train
Snakes on a Crane
Snakes on Mark Twain

[–] ikcaj 8 years ago

30. There is an airline which island-hops 20 passengers in only one seating class using a four engine trans-Atlantic jumbo jet.

31. Said plane employs anti-hijack technology and routinely flies Air Marshals but doesn't lock the cockpit door

32. Said plane maneuvers as fast as a motorcycle when needing to avoid collisions, despite having no control due to being on auto-pilot

33. Flipping the fail-safe switch to manually override auto-pilot instantly fries all circuits, presumably as back-up anti-terrorist protection