Has anyone been stalked?


Has anyone been stalked? The closest I came was being harassed by a clingy casual friend for years. I am grateful it did not become stalking, but thought the possibility existed. Eva (not her real name) was a former co-worker and annoyed the crap out of me for about a decade after she was fired. For some reason she thought we were very close friends. She always wanted to hang out. We actually hung out a few times. Then she would not leave me alone. She constantly called me. After a while I stopped answering her calls. She wanted to talk about my personal life and I really did not want to discuss it with her because I considered her at best a casual friend. She even called me at least once when she was drunk. That is a call that is usually made to a boyfriend or girlfriend. I should mention that I am a guy. My bro thought she wanted to go out with me. Looking back, maybe she was interested in me. But her calls persisted even when she was seeing someone. I had no interest in dating Eva. She was not my type. She had no game. I kept her at arms length and never lead her on. She wanted to go to the movies once and I made up something about not being able to sit for two hours. I didn't want to go to a movie with her because it sounded too much like a date. She then said something like "am I repulsive?" Maybe she really did like me.

Eva also sent me lots of emails. The emails were frequently chain letters or old jokes. When she sent a group email she never sent blind copies. She was constantly changing her email addresses and cell phone numbers. She once called me in a panic because she lost my email address. That was her fault, not mine. If she was a close friend it would not have bothered me so much. Another annoying thing she did was give my phone number to her boyfriend's daughter without my consent so she could try to sell me some crap. I thought that was a breach of etiquette.

I was relieved when Eva moved out of state. Even though I hadn't spoken with her in at least a couple years she still sent me an invitation to her wedding. I just couldn't bring myself to attend. A few days after I sent the negative reply she called me a few times and didn't leave a message. I think it was the only wedding invitation I ever declined. It would have felt funny attending the wedding of a casual friend. I blocked her on facebook because she kept trying to converse on my wall. I have no idea why she did not send an email instead. I think she finally got the hint because I haven't heard from her in over a year. I felt guilty about not wanting to reciprocate her friendship. She isn't a bad person. She was just someone I did not want to be close friends with. I hope she is happy, but I have no desire to communicate with her. I am relieved she now resides over a thousand miles away. If she ever returned to New Jersey I would crap my pants.

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Wow that's crazy. You shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to be her friend though. It's not your fault if she was annoying and couldn't take hints.

I never had a stalker but I dated a psycho who could have definitely been a stalker if he knew where I lived. When I first met him (online) I thought he was cool. I have social anxiety so I wasn't used to talking to people and he would call me every couple of hours and talk non stop. Basically there was no real conversation because he wouldn't stop talking and I couldn't get a word in.

But we decided to meet up. I was attracted to him and he made me feel comfortable because I didn't really have to talk. I just listened to him and laughed a little. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said ok. So we kept seeing each other for a few months and I ended up losing my virginity to him. I started opening up to him a little but not completely because I noticed something was off about him. He would snap and start cursing at people. And his memory was horrible. He told me I was bad at sex and broke up with me so I went home crying and he called me the next day as if nothing happened and said he loved me. I reminded him that we broke up and he legitimately didn't remember. Then one day he cursed me out and I stopped answering his calls for a few days. When I finally answered he
apologized and we started talking normally again. Then out of the blue he asked me if I would do
cocaine with him. I laughed thinking he was
kidding but he snapped and cursed at me again. That's when I decided to break off all contact for good. That was a year ago and he STILL calls me. I blocked him but he uses his friends' phones and he even made a fake profile on Facebook to spy on me. I had to go through every single friend to figure out which profile was fake and delete
him. Luckily I never told him where I lived and I would always go to his house instead. I'm sure if he knew where I lived he would show up.

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He sounds like he was abusing drugs and/or mentally ill.

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My father was a compulsive gambler. He came to me for money, which I gave him because, at the time, I wasn't aware that he had a gambling problem. When I stopped giving him money, he harassed me for money to the point that I had to cut all ties with him. After that, for three years, I received three to four letters a week, some asking, some demanding, that I give him money. He told me that my mother had a stroke and that he had been diagnosed with a heart problem over the stress of the estrangement, which was my fault. He told me that loan sharks were going to break his legs if I didn't give him money. He sent letters to family members and friends not only telling them that I owed him money but also that he wanted to give that money to the family members and friends (he was trying to turn them against me). After three years, I had had enough. I went to the police with the bag of letters and asked them to tell him that if the harassment didn't stop, I would file a stalking complaint with the police. They talked to him, and the letters stopped. The whole ordeal was stressful and so sad. He was my father.

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dogeatdog7, I'm really sorry that happened to you by a parent. You are right, so sad. Keep moving forward, never look back. I wish you the best.

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I was just a little kid so I don't remember a lot of the details but my mother was stalked by another woman. I remember being w my mother when this person would follow her down the street yelling things at her (my sister and I were not in school yet so we must have been very young). She would also call incessantly on the phone saying my mother's name over and over (I can still remember that voice some 50 years later!). There were no anti stalking laws in those days so she was not breaking any laws. One summer evening. we were watching TV just as it was getting dark, and looked up to see the woman right up against our living room window just staring in at us. So creepy! I still have an occasional nightmare about that!
My parents called the police and the woman's parents (or somebody) eventually had her committed to the state hospital for the insane. We were all very happy to have her gone and never heard about her again!

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You can read it on the Etiquette Hell site, too, under Dating. Here's what happened:

This happened in 1978, but I may never recover. If it had happened in the era of stalker awareness I would have been terrified!

First some back story...I was adopted, which isn't a bad thing, except that my parents had wanted a Perfect Dream, Barbie Doll, Daughter and I was supposed to live out their script. They were very controlling, and coupled with alcohol abuse, by the time I was a teen the breach was so bad I wasn't living in their house most of the time. I'd try to move back and fix things but it never worked. What finally broke my back was a guy I'll call "Rich."

Rich called my house one afternoon and asked for a date. I told him I didn't know him (true) and that I wasn't allowed to date (also true). I asked how he got my number and he said he volunteered in the school office and pulled my number from student records. That should have been my first clue, but remember I was only 15.

The next day I get home from school and find mom all excited. She's gotten a call from El Creepo AND his mother, and was sooooo impressed that she decided I could go out with him. His mom was going to pick us up and bring me home, so it was okay. I told her I didn't even know the guy, but she thought this was soooo sweet that he had his mother introduce him. It was so charming, so respectful (to her, my mother) and she wished more guys did that....I heard that all week long until the day arrived.

The guy shows up and I recognize him - a fat, freckled guy wearing glasses so thick his eyes looked bugged out in them. I sigh, remind myself looks don't count, and figure it's just this once.

We went for pizza and a movie, and I thought he was a nice enough guy, but I really wasn't interested in him. The ushers scolded us twice because he kept talking during the movie. All about his stupid Atari game system. Yeah, those were high-tech for the time, but we couldn't afford a system and I'd never played on one. I was glad to get home.

But he decided this one date meant I was his girlfriend. He was aided and abetted by my mother, who thought he was "perfect" and "just what we always wanted for you." Explaining I wasn't interested in him just brought up a monologue about what a great guy he was, what a good family he comes from, why would I rather be home reading a book than out having a good time. (Telling her I didn't have a good time didn't compute in her brain). He called HER for permission for a second date, not me. I had told him I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, but he figured out fast the way to get to me was use my mom. I told her I didn't want to go out with him anymore and please stop this, let me deal with him but she scolded me and said "because you aren't giving him a chance!" Am I obligated to "give a guy a chance" if I'm not interested???

I never got to see my other friends because he was monopolizing all my time. I had to go to his house for dinner and watch TV. First we watched "The Love Boat" then we watched "Fantasy Island" and his siblings ran all over the living room flapping their arms and yelling "the plane the plane" - (I wish I was making this up.) All Saturday we played Atari at his house. At least he had good games. Sunday, as soon as Rich wakes up, he calls me. He would yammer about the Atari games again like we hadn't just played them. One of his favorites was a car race game and how often can you make a big deal out of making left turns??

Remember I was a shy kid and didn't know how to handle this. I didn't want to hurt his feelings but after a few weeks I couldn't take it anymore. I flat out told him I wasn't interested in a relationship and didn't want to see him anymore. he freaking started to CRY. And I don't mean tears, I mean big blubbery sobs BOO-HOO!!! i couldn't get out of his house fast enough. But while I was walking home he called mom boo hooing "to say goodbye...." and "I guess I just didn't love her enough...." and she blew up all over me when I got home. She said I was mean to him. He's a sweet guy and he loves you so much, blah blah you are so mean to him. A freshman in school is in love, what kind of mother does this?? I look back now and can't believe it really happened and wish it didn't. I told her I didn't care but he was back on the phone with her again and I find out I've got another date on Friday. I told her I will not go. She invited him to dinner. I was afraid of my parents, especially my dad because he drank a lot. I was starting to get scared of him and them. it was like a crazy bad dream but it was really happening to me.

He figured out to force me out on dates was ask her because she would roll over any excuse I came up with. They didn't care I didn't want to go. She knew I was a shy kid and hadn't had a date before and I guess thought I would never get married and give her grandkids if I didn't marry Rich. He tried to get her to help him get rid of my friends by complaining "they don't like me" (although it was true) and asked mom to make sure they weren't invited over when he was there. He said we got along fine and had fun on dates and the only time we didn't get along was after I had been with my friends. My friends mess with my head and make me think I should break up with him. Of course I don't make up my own mind, I think what my friends tell me to. What a jerk. Once he gets me away from them everything is fine, he tells my mom. My friends either didn't like him or he thought this girl or that one was a bad influence on me. "I'm not trying to tell you your business but my daughter wouldn't be friends with someone like....."

I wish he had hit me, I really do because then my parents would have agreed to get rid of him. But he was an honor student, from a good family, not a troublemaker. At school the teachers liked him and the other kids thought he was a number one nerd, but didn't bully him because he stomped everybody's behind academically. I don't know why he fixated on me, maybe because I was the shyest kid in school. He never hit me or was verbally abusive, I just couldn't peel him off.

Christmas was the worst. He gave me a list: this is what he wants for Christmas, this is what his sister wants for Christmas, this is what his mother wants for Christmas! He expected me to buy gifts for his family! I wasn't even planning to get him anything, and he wanted an Atari game. We couldn't afford an Atari system, but mom buys it for him. She gets everything on the list and tells me to hush because they're getting me something too. I asked Rich for a gift certificate to the bookstore but his mom says gift certs are tacky. They will get me a real gift. So I'm thinking something cool.

He gets me, I kid you not, a box of lady's handkerchiefs. I had seen them at K-Mart 2 for 5 bucks! His sister gets me nothing. His mom buys me a football jersey (I am not a football fan) like the one Rich wears. Mom goes ga-ga saying how cute that we'll match, and be sure to wear it next Friday so they'll see how much I like it. I quietly throw it away. She thinks what Rich gave me is so proper, so old fashioned gentleman..... I was miserable.

I blasted my parents for manipulating and interfering and moved out again. My aunt knew what was going on and let me stay with her and my uncle. Mom gave Rich my new address and phone number. I moved in with a friend and changed numbers again and didn't give them the number. For all spring and summer he didn't bother me and I thought I was rid of him. Then school started and he was in one of my classes. I got my friends to help keep him away but he got mom to go to one of my friends and wheedle my phone number out of her. I had turned 16 by then and was working but almost got fired because he wouldn't stop calling me there. he waited for me outside the door of my work and followed me, begging and crying, the big WAH WAH!!! sobbing again. I didn't care by then if he got his feelings hurt and told him I never liked him, he was a big fat bawling butthole and stay away. Sometimes he would for weeks or months but then he'd turn up again. This went on for the next two years. Once he followed another guy I was dating and tried to convince him we were engaged. When I turned 18 and didn't have to worry about being sent back to my parents I called the cops and tried to file a report. They said he wasn't breaking any laws and it wasn't illegal to call me. They didn't think it was a big deal and told me to just hang up on him.

I started tracking his calls and called the police after he called me eleven times in one night at work. That cop lectured me for "not being forceful enough" said I could discourage him if I tried hard enough. My roommate came home from work one day to find him mowing the lawn at the duplex we were renting! At this time the word stalking didn't exist, or I would have been terrified. I called the cops again but they said it wasn't illegal. Nobody would help. He is still friends with my parents and goes over there all the time. Nearly every time I would visit them he would be there. Mom said he just wants to see me, why won't I give him a chance give him a chance give him a chance why are you so hateful to this nice boy.

I moved out of town when I was 19 and it was heaven not to hear from him anymore. Three years later I went back for a funeral. My aunt told me she really liked my boyfriend and I asked who was she talking about. She said the little guy with the glasses. He had gone to the funeral home and introduced himself to everyone as my high school boyfriend! I told everyone if they told him where I was living I'd shoot them first and him second! I never went to my high school reunions because I was afraid of seeing him there. I wonder sometimes if he ever got married. I feel sorry for the girl if he did.

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I remember your story from Etiquette Hell
Are you still in touch with your parents? And did you ever get it through your mother's thick head why trying to force you into a relationship with somebody you couldn't stand was wrong?
And regarding calling you repeatedly not being illegal, weren't there laws on the books about harassment back then? Even if they didn't want to arrest them, couldn't they have some big mean looking cop stop by his house and have a little "talk" with him. From the way you describe Rich, I can imagine that scaring the heck out of him. And as to not being "forceful enough" what did they expect you to do, buy a gun and shoot him? You tried everything else.

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No, she thought my life was "our" life. I don't know if it was just their generation, or me being adopted, or all of it, but they thought their kids were their property. Getting away from them was escaping from hell. A lot of parents don't want to let go of their little girls and she was one of them. She didn't look at it as me growing up and starting my own life, it was "Nooo! She's getting away!" I think she figured Rich listened to her and if she could get me to marry him the two of them would take care of what went in and out of my head for the rest of my life.

She never gave up. It took me moving out and not giving them contact information AND I started leaving whenever he showed up at my parents' house. If I arrived to visit them and found him already there I would leave and not stay. I told her she could marry him if she liked him so much, but if she wanted to see me any more he better not be there.

The family funeral that I went to was hers. He probably saw her obituary in the paper. In my town the funeral home hosts a formal family viewing, usually the night before the service. They provide coffee and cookies and everyone can see the deceased and express condolences to the gathered family members. I missed the viewing because I was driving in from out of town. He went around telling people he was my boyfriend.

I told the funeral director about the issue and asked if anyone contacted him about sending me condolences to just give my dad's address. My brother told me he called dad's house a few times to ask how I was - yeah, right - but nobody gave him my phone number. Her funeral was the last I ever heard from him. Thank God.

I don't remember hearing about stalking until the late 1980s. Even now the law won't do much to protect victims. It's not illegal to call someone or send them letters unless they threaten you. The cops told me to just hang up whenever he called and if he writes or sends gifts send them back. That one jerk I will never forget. He said I see this from you girls all the time, if you really tell a guy you hate his guts and don't want him around he wouldn't still be calling you.

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Just curious, are you and skyskatr the same person?

Eat some makeup because you are really ugly on the inside - Olivia Blois Sharpe

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For some reason my skyskatr wasn't working and had to do another log-in.

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XGF years back.

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I was and it was in my teens back in 1992 or so. It was someone I met online when the online world was new. I thought I was talking to a guy who was about 18 but he was in his late 20s. He was a child pedo and did horrible things to me. Took me 10 years to report it and the name I knew him by was likely a fake name according to police reports on similar accounts from the same time period. They took my info and said they'd call if he was ever caught. I was told I could speak at a sentencing if he was charged. I haven't heard anything. I don't expect I ever will. What creepy is I Googled his name about 8yrs ago or the name I knew him by. I came across a website that had my first name and it said something like "I know you still think of me." I just about threw up. I have not Googled his name sense.

I think once you are stalked, raped or attacked by someone you will forever be a victim in your own mind if you allow it. I've used this make me stronger. He tried to take me down but he didn't. I've met many survivors who say the same.

But I will say the stories I've seen on this show seem far worse than what I went through. My stalking and physical attacks, rapes lasted months. The people featured on this show have been stalked for years. I don't know how they survive.

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