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Answering a quibbling critic's dozen questions (SPOILERS)


A critic who was intentionally looking for things to dislike about this movie asked a series of questions:

WHY, after stating strongly her disinterestedness in ever marrying does she marry Thomas? What even made her fall in love with him? If she were to fall in love with anyone, marry anyone, the eye doctor would be the obvious choice. Her character is supposed to be smart and independent. She didn't need to marry anyone, she wasn't desperate and wasn't poor.

WHY didn't the hired investigator, after the dad dies, divulge to the public, the church -- anyone -- that Thomas was already married once it became clear a wedding was set?

WHY wasn't the obvious murder of her father investigated?! It was treated by everyone like he died of normal causes.

WHY, upon coughing up blood the first time, did she not tell Thomas?

HOW does a woman thrown from 2-3 stories, and thus breaking one leg requiring to be set under heavy sedation, who was already at the brink of death after being poisoned, get up soon afterwards and start running around the house?

She finds the recordings, great. But does she find a secluded, quiet place to listen to them quietly? No, she sits out in the open with it cranked full blast, then leaves all the evidence out for Thomas and his crazy sister to find. WHY in the world did the sister even keep the trunk with all the very convenient clues for the next Mrs. to find?

WHY the hell eat the porridge offered to you from the same person who you know is poisoning your tea?

HOW are we supposed to be sympathetic to Thomas after what he has done, when he simply could've restrained his sister instead of stabbing the doctor. What an idiot. He's not supposed to be an idiot.

Of course as soon as the dog sets foot on the screen, I know what this predictable movie is going to do with him.

I can't watch poor Mia in her nightgown without thinking of Dee Snider circa 1984.


These questions can be satisfactorily answered -- or semi-satisfactorily answered -- as follows:

Who can understand why one person falls in love with another? Besides, Thomas was the proverbial tall, dark and handsome mysterious man from abroad. The eye doctor simply didn't trip her trigger.

The man was a hired PRIVATE investigator whose client had died; there were professional/legal reasons why he couldn't publicly reveal the truth and he probably figured Mr. Cushing already revealed the discoveries to whomever he thought best. In other words, it was none of his business. The P.I. was long gone by the time of the wedding, but the truth was eventually revealed.

It wasn't obvious that Edith's father was murdered; he had no enemies, the lavatory floor was wet, and the corner of the sink was broken. Two plus two equals four. Yes, his head seemed more bashed-in than it should have been, but this was the Victorian era and they didn't have Forensic Files in Buffalo.

Edith obviously did tell Thomas in-between scenes, but he was IN ON the scheme with Lucille, although part of him resisted it because he loved Edith.

After the fall and during the final fight with Lucille, Edith was obviously functioning on an adrenaline rush. It happens all the time in life or death situations.

There was only one record player in the manor, which is where Edith played the recordings; and she wasn't playing them full blast. The trunk was basically a document filing cabinet for legal reasons or whatever.

Edith didn't actually eat the porridge -- at least not much of it -- she simply put it in her mouth to pacify Lucille until she could spit it out. She didn't want to risk stirring up the psycho's ire by letting her know she was suspicious.

Lucille was the older sibling and -- psychologically speaking -- had the upper hand over Thomas, who was understandably afraid of the psycho biyatch. We're talking about decades of submissive indoctrination, which is hard to break. This doesn't make him an idiot, it makes him human.

The dog living or dying was a 50/50 shot, as far as cinematic averages go.

Edith (Mia) walking around the manor in a white nightgown was beautiful and alluring; Dee Snider was (understandably) hideous.

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