MovieChat Forums > Return to Zero (2014) Discussion > I wish people would think before they ta...

I wish people would think before they talk ....


I wish people would think before they try and comfort someone who has lost a loved one (particularly a child). Saying stuff such as "he's in a better place," "God has a plan," etc is just cringe-worthy IMO.

Even those who have lost a child and are religious still want the child they lost on earth with them. Telling them things like I listed above is in a way belittling a parent's grief.

I realize that most people who say these things only mean to say them as a way to comfort the grieving, but it comes across as not legitimizing a parent's grief, anger, shock and pain of losing their child.

I thought this movie did a fantastic job of covering this subject (which is why I brought it up), regardless if the grieving parents are Christian or not (or any other religion). Please think before you comfort someone who is grieving.

if you're bitter still, ask Him to help you carry on ~ Blue October

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[deleted]

[deleted]

Well thinking won't necessarily help, because there is no right thing. I remember when my grandfather died, everything people said made me mad. When people said it was a beautiful celebration after the funeral I was just thinking "why would we celebrate my grandfather dying" not about all the wonderful things people said about him and his life. When you're grieving, is there really a right thing to say? Even after spending a long while contemplating what to say at a funeral or write in a card, I find it difficult to get beyond the typical cliche's like "I'll pray for you and your family" or "he's on Heaven" or "things will get better", none of which would actually make the person feel better. All that pressure to say "the right thing", which actually doesn't exist, is what make people say stupid things.



It weakens us to not give our enemies the respect they deserve...

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[deleted]

Isn't saying "I'm sorry" saying how it makes you feel? And if everyone just walked up to you and said "I'm sorry" or hugged you and said nothing as well, that would not be less awkward, like in the movie when she said people were avoiding her and wouldn't look her in the eye... like I said there's no right thing, and anything, even "I'm sorry for your loss" could set someone off when they're grieving. Silence could make them feel like "really, you have nothing to say?!" it's just bad all around...



It weakens us to not give our enemies the respect they deserve...

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[deleted]

Well I was just responding to you saying "Like another poster said just say I'm sorry."

It weakens us to not give our enemies the respect they deserve...

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[deleted]

I must disagree - yes, it is possible to actually be sorry and to actually care, it's not just a politeness (well, maybe for YOU it is) - some people say it because they really feel genuinely sorry.

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[deleted]


yeah you're right... the odds of YOU being genuinely sorry are probably LOWER than you getting eaten by a rhinoceros... yes I'm saying u seem like a real jerk

It weakens us to not give our enemies the respect they deserve...

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Thank you for saying this, Perfectjade, I thought I was just being overly sensitive.

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[deleted]


It's not about the point you're trying to say it's the way you say it. When you have a poor attitude, people stop listening. You'd be wise to learn that sooner rather than later.


It weakens us to not give our enemies the respect they deserve...

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[deleted]

keep telling yourself that and maybe you'll be happy forever. I hear ignorance is bliss.

Farewell!



It weakens us to not give our enemies the respect they deserve...

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[deleted]

You come across as bitter, cynical, and mean.

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[deleted]

I want to believe there's a kind person underneath the cynicism and bitterness, that you're not intentionally mean. And I wasn't implying you be ashamed of yourself - you are who you are, I can accept that.

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[deleted]

I don't tolerate BS, either, so when I reach out with kindness to someone and they say something mean in reply, it HURTS - because I mean what I say, it's not just a nicety. And some people get off on hurting people. I was afraid you were one of those people.

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[deleted]

I like your comments, PerfectJade.

When I saw my best friend was grieving and she was mad whatever anyone tried to say to comfort her, I simply said "I love you" and it was worth millions. I could see it was the only thing that touched her.

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[deleted]

Personally, I feel that a genuine, heartfelt, "I'm sorry" is enough.

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Personally, I feel that a genuine, heartfelt, "I'm sorry" is enough.


Or a hug

I know how we feel when we have nothing "right" to say in a times like this and I guess since it has happen to me I understand the other person.

So a simple hug or a "I'll be here for you" is enough.




***If you can't laugh then SMILE***

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