My synopsis for Episode IX


Kylo, having established himself as the god-emperor of The First Order, set the top-tier general's teeth on edge. Hux, who obviously sees Kylo's reign as illegitimate, and correctly assumes Kylo had in fact killed the ex-Supreme Leader, oversees this disgruntled junta's plot to overthrow Kylo, who is very well aware of their sinister plans.

To further aggravate Kylo's uneasy reign, a band of his former comrades, the Knights of Ren, ride into town to get a piece of the action, making Hux' plotting for a coup a comparatively minor affair: these guys really mean business!

Beset by the enemies from within and without, Kylo grows more paranoid, succumbing even more to his own personal demons: he is haunted by the late Luke Skywalker' force-ghost, who invokes in him a deep sense of guilt and remorse.

Naturally, the vicious nature of First Order's reign only increases the ranks of the re-emergent insurgency on the occupied worlds, who rally around the surviving members of the Resistance and its new leader Poe, as well as Finn, Rey and the retired and ailing General Leia Organa, who is most of the time comatose and hibernating inside the bacta-tank. However, her Foce-powers enable her to reach out to her prodigal son from her deep sleep.

This, of course, torments Kylo even more and gets him off-balance in his stand-off with his many competitors. At one point, The Knights of Ren succeed in snatching the First Order away from Kylo, injuring him badly, as he manages to escape the certain death in the nick of time. He finds refuge on one of the worlds that had previously been scorched by the First Order. The locals on this world, themselves recovering from the ordeals of the First Order wrath, are generous enough to help a wounded man, ignorant of the true identity of their former tyrant as they may be.

This experience transforms Kylo. He rediscovers good in him. But not so fast; In order for Kylo to become Ben again, he must redeem himself. This he can do only by revisiting his comatose mother, and helping the Resistance defeat the even more vicious First Order that is now led by the oligarchy of the Knights of Ren. He reaches out to Rey, offering pact, which she reluctantly accepts.

In the meantime, the Knights of Ren, more determined and cruel than Kylo ever was, swiftly dispose of Hux and the disobedient generals and decide to crush the Resistance once and for all. The only piece of the puzzle missing in order for them to solidify their cosmic reign is Rey, possibly the greatest Force-wielder in the Galaxy. They need to get to her, either sway her to their side or kill her.

As Kylo revisits his comatose mother, both are relieved. Leia can now die peacefully. She flatlines in the bacta tank. There's only one more thing for Kylo to do in order to become Ben: He must destroy the Knights of Ren and bring an end to the First Order! What better ally than Rey in this undertaking. Rey intermediates between Kylo and Poe and Finn, who, as one can imagine, aren't very exhilarated about Kylo being born-again goodie and all. The plan is as follows: Poe and Finn will man the decisive Resistance attack on the First Order Fleet, while Kylo and Rey will try to get to the Knights in their collective throne room on the principal dreadnought.

Kylo will feign a reconciliation attempt with the Ren by delivering a prized captive to their feet: Rey, and Rey, of course, will play along. Of course, the Ren aren't stupid. They saw through their intent and thwarted both their pitiful plan and the Resistance offensive by leading it into a trap. Two birds with one stone, indeed.

As Poe and Finn realize their plan has been foiled, they try to rescue the Resistance Armada from certain doom. Their only chance of survival rests upon Kylo and Rey.

Kylo and Rey are encircled by the saber-wielding Knights of Ren, who are about to slice them up. Kylo then switches sides and for the moment has Rey thinking whether he was faking it the whole time. However, the only reason Kylo did this was to catch one of the Knights off guard and slip to Rey his lightsaber. Kylo dies in the process, as the other Ren runs him trough. With this final act of self-sacrifice, Kylo totally redeems himself and becomes Ben in death.

So now it's up to Rey, but this time Rey is armed. And you can imagine she's pissed off. In a lightsaber fight to end all lightsaber fights she prevails against the Ren, cutting them down one by one. Injured, she manages to declare herself the new Supreme Leader and order the First Order to stand down, but succumbs to sheer exhaustion and her wounds, alone in a throne room littered with corpses.

Finn, the ultimate Rey's cavalier, manages to slither through to the throne room on the enemy dreadnought, and rescue her. The First Order has been disbanded, Rey and Finn retreat to a peaceful life together, leaving to Poe and other resistance leaders the task of rebuilding the democratic Republic. [contd. in next post]

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[contd.] Luke's ghost waves goodbye to Rey, and then disappears never to return. There'll be no more Jedi Order BS, or lightsaber-wielding monks. Just freedom from all religion and ideology: the only way to restore peace and order to the galaxy and bring balance to the Force. [The End]

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I like it.

But where is Chewie, C3PO, Artoo and BB-8 in all of this?

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Relax, this is a stripped-down, no-frills, bare-bone synopsis of the plot, focusing only about the main thread of the plot and the most significant conflicts and motivations that drive it. So, to this main thread, one can attach subplots and secondary characters. However, at this point, I wasn't interested in those.

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Cool.

Just make sure that when Artoo, BB-8 and C3PO do their robot joining into a bigger robot exosuit for Chewie that he can fly and has a loudspeaker to boost his voice (And maybe it can be like the Weirding module from Dune too!),

In fact you can go one better and when Phasma shows up again in her exosuit you can have Chewie transform the entire Falcon into an even BIGGER exosuit and then kick her ass back into the trash compactor.

But have Lumpy be in danger just beforehand though, sort of like Newt from Aliens. Chewie can roar "Grrrt argh ray frmph hphmf eroo byphff!" just has Jerry Goldsmith's big theme kicks in.

Don't forget you have to resolve the Rey's parents double bluff too!

And Maz has to make another appearance like she's Rocket from Guardians of the Galaxy.

And don't forget about Rose.

Or the kid with the broom.

And Admiral Holdall's family.

And Ackbar, he needs to find a way to return.

And Watto! It would be good to see him again.

Oh, and Jar Jar! It wouldn't be Star Wars without a nice long scene with Jar Jar in it.

Right, I think you've got everything you need now Lolkatz. Chalk it up, add a bit of meaningless mystery, and send it off to Bad Robot and it'll be a shining success!

Good luck!

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I feel for your fanboi ails. I really do.

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Just keep it above the waist LolKatz.

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And you try not to troll.

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Do or do not. There is no try.

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I'm not afraid!

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Oh! You will be. You will be*

*Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering does not apply in this particular context for some reason.

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They could do worse.

In fact, your plot makes more sense than any of the prequels!

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Although if I were writing the prequels, I'd start with the notion that Ben-Ren is too stupid and volatile to actually run an empire, so the actual running of the imperial government is taken over by grey, drab, bureaucratic civil service types. So the battle for control of the Galaxy actually becomes a three-way fight, the rebels abd Rey vs. Darth Emo and his evil Knights of Ren vs. the soul-crushing bureaucracy who is the most evil of all!

Of course the problem with that idea is that I can't think of a way for the rebels to come out on top. Soul-crushing bureaucracy always wins.

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Also, I think a story that focuses on Kylo Ren's redemption would be a poignant one.

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Oh, I'm sure that could be worked into my idea!

Anyone looks like a good person, when compared to ac soul-crushing bureaucracy.

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I tried to think of a logical way to bring the new trilogy (and the entire Saga) to a logical conclusion and that was it.

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The First Order folks and the Resistence folks simultaneously come across a mysterious ship... they decide to board and see what appears to be some kind of pods, with opening at the top and something inside... You know what happens next 😉

R-rated blood and gore... Screams of paniced parents trying to get their kids out of the theatre as facehuggers make short work of the entire known star wars cast... Rey & Kylo's chests burst simultaniously uniting the duality of their characters in death as David recites Kippling while C3PO and BB-8 practice embouchure...

In the end David unleashes the dark goo on the First Order folks due to their insolance in the face of his superior intelligence and creation... As Disney own Alien now, remember... 😎

The secondary faceless Resistence folks run away, their standard MO, during this annihilation... Allowing for further sequels... Ridley Scott cashes some Executive Producer cheques and has yet another fanbase too busy foaming at the mouth in anger at him to recognise the artistry and cultural and philosophical commentary inherent in his creations 😉

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Is there Alchemy in the plot too Ren, you know - because it's all part of a spell or something? 😉

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We joke, but notice that Ridley has already shown an interest in Star Wars... 😉

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Princess Facehugger and Princess Xenomorph would actually be an improvement on what Ridely's done to the franchise.

I wouldn't even mind his story set in the future to find its way into the past in a galaxy far, far away as both stories are bastardised beyond repair at this point and so we might as well get some lulz out of it.

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