Things we learned from The Hallow:

2. If you want to keep your baby safe from horrible creatures that are present in your house, lock it up in a cupboard.

3. When some strange entity takes over your car and let you halt in the middle of a spooky forest, be sure to turn your back to the woods where strange noises are heard, when you pick something out of the trunk of the back of the car.

4. If you are chased by unknown, hostile creatures and reach your house safely, always look through the keyhole to see if they are still outside, Not a window, not through the crack of the door: the keyhole!

When your baby and a monster are inside a beam, just hit the beam with a pickaxe.

9. Make sure you have a baby that makes noise every second of every day.

10. If you find weird gunk in your baby's bed, just sweep it away.

12. Game of Thrones actors have to make a living.

13. Always have a camera with a powerful flash handy, it's an excellent way to scare off nasties. Make sure you keep it charged up at all times.

14. Learn to speak dog. They are always trying to tell us things in horror movies, but does anyone ever listen??? No. And who normally winds up dead? The faithful mutt, that's who!

15. Except in this film, where said faithful dog gets to turn into a weird woods monster thingie too.

16. A mother's love for her child is the most powerful thing in the universe.

17. Before moving anywhere in remote Ireland, perhaps chat to local folk to make sure they haven't lost loved ones to the things that live in the woods first.

It's too cerebral! We're trying to make a movie here, not a film!

22. No matter how many times your wife calls your name over and over, never respond. Eventually she'll just give up and let you do your thing.

23. If you have been infected by a crazy fungus monster, just wrap up any affected parts with a bit of cloth and tell your wife you're totally fine.

24. If left in direct sunlight too long, babies may blossom into a horrifying fungus death flower.

25. Forests should probably just be chopped down and annihilated for the good of everyone. (End credits. )

26. The non-human biosphere rightly regards humankind as a dangerous menace, a rogue invasive species, a killer ape plague, hell bent on world domination via mass extinction – and just as the majority of "civilised" people hate nature, so nature hates us right back, and is devising ways to terminate Earth's killer ape infestation.
(BTW, the projection of consciousness and intent on to this natural process is a metaphor, such as in 'the selfish gene'.)

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I really liked this movie, but this thread is just cracking me up!!! 


Life can be arbitrary and comes without a warranty.