MovieChat Forums > Delivery Man (2013) Discussion > Am I the only one this bothers??

Am I the only one this bothers??


The idea of some dude "donating" to father 100s of kids...what are the chances of half brothers & sisters meeting & dating. The likelihood that they are genetically predisposed to have similar interests & therefore likely to be dating compatible. I know I will be in the minority here, but I personally find the idea of my wife being inseminated with another man's sperm repulsive & literally sickening. I feel that if a couple cannot conceive they should consider adoption if they want children rather than having 1 biological parent & 1 "unknown" random donor seems both a biological & psychological nightmare for the child & both "fathers"...I'm sure I will be lambasted for saying this but it is just something I could not stomach.

reply

What if the couple that can't have a child together want to have one as close as they can get to having their own by having the mother carry it? Nothing wrong with that, some people just don't like the idea of bringing someone else's child into their home because maybe they feel like they won't have the same bond as they would with one the wife could carry.

Personally I think I would rather have an anonymous donor rather than adopting. I don't feel that I could love that child like it was my own.




I really like your car Mrs. Larusso!

reply

The one from an anonymous donor would not be your own either, my feelings are that there are plenty if children born everyday that need love & care, if you can't create "one of your own" then why create one that is just your wife's biological child, I would personally not be able to love that child because it was created with another man, anonymous or not, I would again personally be able to love a child that my wife & I both chose to adopt as OUR own. Again this is just my personal feelings, I was just curious if any others felt the same way...to me the greatest bond should be between a husband & wife because they chose each other to spend their whole life with...not that I would not love my kids, but my wife would always be my first & strongest love. Biological children are by-products of that blessed union. I don't say any of this to make anyone feel bad for their choices, just trying to explain my thoughts & feelings. Thanks for listening & for the reply.

reply

I completely understand how you feel. There is something not right about this whole donor crap that drives me crazy. I feel sorry for children conceived this way and I've read studies where many have some serious self esteem issues later in life. Makes sense because at some point in our lives we want to know who we are and where we came from and about our family history. I know people argue the whole thing about people wanting their own biological kids and so forth but there is something selfish about the whole thing.

reply

I couldn't agree more. I'd rather adopt than do the whole donor thing. There are too many children in the world needing a home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5Y-AG5BNiM

reply

It doesnt matter who gives birth, you can give birth and not treat the child as your own, but if you take the child and love it and care for it. Then youre the real parent.

reply

and the winner of this post is....

"God doesn't make the world the way it is...We Do"-Rorschach.

reply

It doesnt matter who gives birth, you can give birth and not treat the child as your own, but if you take the child and love it and care for it. Then youre the real parent.


Ok let's not act like there aren't people that adopt and end up abusing those children, because there are. Not everyone that adopts children is a saint just like there are crappy biological parents.

Some women/married couples/partners choose to go the route of sperm donors because they want to have a child as close to natural as they can - what is wrong with that? I have been fortunate to have my own children with my own husband. If I couldn't have my own I would opt for none at all. I realize that there are a lot of children that need good homes, but I just don't think I could bond with a child that isn't mine.





I really like your car Mrs. Larusso!

reply

If you couldn't bond with an adoptive child, that is on you, not the child or the concept of adoption.

I would like to know what exactly a 'natural' child is... are adoptive children then 'unnatural'?

reply

are adoptive children then 'unnatural'?


Obviously yes. This is literally true.

reply

If I couldn't have my own I would opt for none at all


Yeah, you say that after saying that you have children

You're no position to say what you would do if you didn't have children. You might feel the need to adopt. That isn't stuff you plan. You have kids of your own, you seem to be happy about it

If you didn't have any children in the house, how can you know whether you'd feel the need for them, and how could you know you wouldn't give it serious thought and go down the adoption route?

You just wouldn't. That's something you have to experience to comment on

Otherwise I can equally go "You know what, gravity exists, but if it didn't exist I bet I would spend all my day flying"

It's a really similar statement to yours

Follow the latest films around the world!! http://7films.dendelionblu.me

reply

yeah i know i'd rather not exist. brilliant for the self esteem.

reply

yeah i know i'd rather not exist. brilliant for the self esteem.
Yeah, man. It's got to be good to at least be alive and able to debate the idea.

reply

why create one that is just your wife's biological child, I would personally not be able to love that child because it was created with another man, anonymous or not, I would again personally be able to love a child that my wife & I both chose to adopt as OUR own.



I doubt your "God" would support your close minded thoughts on "If my wife put another mans sperm in her belly and got pregnant I would not love her or the baby." Guess what, Joseph loved Jesus and that was not his baby. BAM. Logic. "Bible" logic. In your face. Served. Unf.

You know, it's not very Christian to declare to the world you refuse to love a child that isn't biologically yours. Then again you people do some horrible things and still claim to be loving, caring people.. :Smh: I sincerely hope you do not reproduce. Biology or not, why would it matter? It is a baby that needs love and support. Yes, ultimately I would prefer to have a child that was my husbands, but if he could not have a child with me? Would it be so wrong to want to go another rout? No.

You're probably the type that would demand your wife abort or give up a baby if she was raped and got pregnant. Of course, you're pro-life so you couldn't demand she abort, and you couldn't support it because you aren't pro-choice.. But then you're going to be a terrible piece of crap "father" because you can't love the baby because he's the byproduct of rape, so your poor child would not only be traumatized knowing he was a rape-baby, but also that you hate him and he disgusts you because he didn't come out of your testicles.

Once more, people wonder why I quit believing in God and refuse to associate myself with Christians and am marrying an Atheist. He has more moral fiber than most Christians.. you included.

reply

Lot of assumptions there "concealed faith", none if which are accurate. We are talking about a conscious decision to have a child from the sperm of another man. I don't DEMAND anything of my wife & I am a loving a caring father to 3 wonderful boys & I am dedicated to their health and well being physically & emotionally. You have no earthly idea what my faith is or what I believe & I am talking about personal feelings & you resort to a personal attack on me & Christianity as a whole, someone & something you don't even know about. How dare u even think to compare the immaculate birth of Christ to a guy pleasuring himself in a "collection" room to donate his seed to whomever. I will pray for you...because you obviously need Christ in your life to calm the anger you have towards a total stranger...btw, my mind is not closed it just knows what it will or will not be comfortable with...

reply

the term immaculate conception is not once mentioned in the bible and the entire thought process of immaculate conception is a roman catholic concept and has nothing to do with the birth of Jesus.

The Immaculate Conception, is teaching of the Catholic Church The Immaculate Conception,the immaculate conception according to the teaching of the Catholic Church, was the conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary in her mother's womb free from original sin by virtue of the foreseen merits of her son Jesus Christ.

you see the bible contradicts this and states that every individual aside from jesus was born into the original sin the Catholics believe that mary was also born free from sin which is contrary to the teachings of the bible

reply

Sorry for the confusion, you will notice, however, that I did not use the term Immaculate Conception (Catholic in origin). I used the term immaculate in a manner in which meant the conception was without sin or was perfect. As Mary was with child prior to being married, to have become pregnant in any other manner would have been as a product of sin. However, the conception of Christ was from the Holy Ghost, not from a sexual encounter.

I will say as a Christian that the Bible also DOES NOT teach the concept of original sin. Babies are born just as Christ, innocent and without sin. It is not until they reach an age at which they can discern between good and evil that wrong doing becomes sin, this one might call the age of accountability. Neither Christ nor Mary were ever born into original sin because there is no such thing. So to borrow your same terminology the term original sin is not once mentioned in the Bible. And the idea that man is born without sin is not contrary at all to the teachings of the Bible...read it a bit closer.

reply

I also did not declare to the world I could not love a child that was not biologically mine. In fact I said I could adopt & love that child. What would bother me is the "union" of another man & my wife, the process it takes to get there & the feelings I would have towards my wife & her unborn child knowing it was conceived with another man. Don't even go there with rape, that is a vile and violent crime & the perpetrator of that crime against my wife (or daughter or sister, etc. ) would not live to see a trial...you are so quick to judge me because of my feelings when I never judged anyone for their actions, I simply posed the question to get other people's inputs. To me the creation of a human life is a highly emotionally connected event, one that should be done with one woman & one man because that union (marriage) is the highest union on earth. The complete commitment of two individuals to each other first & everyone else comes second. As a heard I wise woman say once, I love my kids but I love my husband first, the kids come into your life, find a spouse move away & have a family of their own (albeit connected to us) but my husband will always be with me & it is him I vowed to grow old with & it he with me. Besides if I don't love him, who will hahaha...
I guess my whole point behind all of my thoughts is that a marriage is not just about creating kids, so if you can't conceive, you still have each other & you can both choose to adopt a poor lost child that needs two parents to care for and nurture it. You can argue I am being selfish if I don't want my wife to get "donor" sperm, but just as God is a jealous God...so am I, I chose one woman to live my entire life with, devoted, loving, caring & protecting...& to dilute that by bringing another person into that union is to me desecration of that two becomes one union. I would not want to make my wife feel bad if she did not have viable eggs, she is still the most beautiful & amazing woman I have ever met and I would be most happy raising a child we BOTH "chose" to take into out lives and love rather than have one that was only 1/2 biologically connected to us, and where another man could one day be introduced as the "father" of my child. Again to me this dilutes that first and foremost union between a man & a woman, because you have now brought in a third person as part of that 2 becomes 1 union. The proverbial third wheel if you will. How would you like that if you were dating and this other guy (or gal) always tagged along because they were the one your spouse was going to get pregnant with... As you can tell I would make an awful polygamist!!! I stil believe in total devotion between one man & one woman...I never could date more than one person @a time, because I felt that one person deserved my undivided attention, if they did not get that then they were not the one for me...but hey, that is just me. My better half can always know there is no other for me, I stopped looking the first time I kissed her & have never kissed another since (or wanted to)...and I certainly would not want my DNA inside some other woman. I am afraid of the feelings of obligation I would have & that would in turn take away from my total devotion to the woman I am so deeply in love with...okay, sorry for the novel on marriage according to me...

reply

People want a child from the beginning. Good luck getting a healthy adoptive baby right now, without spending tens of thousands of dollars in fees and taking month long trips to foreign countries.

reply

Actually, not that difficult. Go through a social services organization such as Baptist Family Services or Catholic Charities. There are other, but these are the two I am most familiar with. Cost is based upon the adoptive family's income.

Also, there is no guarantee that a biological child will be perfectly healthy. Ryan in the movie is a perfect example, but children are born with all sorts of health issues: premature birth, blindness, deafness, Down's syndrome to mention a few.

reply

Your comment about your wife being your 'first and strongest' love is a fairly typical male response. I believe that a more typical female response would be to lay down their life for their children before doing so for their husband.

reply

A few years ago a set of twins (Not identical) were separated as babies in England. They did meet, fell in love and got married. Both figured they should find their biological parents specifically so they could get at least the medical history from them....That's when they found out. How the story ended I never heard, but that's totally messed up. How do you suddenly go from lovers to siblings? Can you turn it off? Or do you get snipped and adopt? Remember....They had no idea about any of it when they fell in love so now they just stop how they feel? I'd like to hear the follow up on that one


On the other hand this question has been brought up before about these clinics using the same donors with multiple women in basically the same regions. The question is how can those children ever know if they're suddenly finding a half sister or brother? I know there's been those wanting these children to have complete access when the become adults, but the stand off is that there would be far fewer donors if they knew adult strangers could suddenly show up in their lives. No easy solution is there?

reply

Have you ever tried going through the adoption route? It is a long process and can be expensive. Getting a donor on the other hand doesn't take nearly as long. All you really need is the money to buy the sperm.

reply

u can easily lower the chances of half-siblings intercourse by using donor sperm from other states/countries. everything else is just ur opinion ur entitled to bt luckily has no importance or clout..

reply

Hmmmm, I guess people moving from state to state or to another country is unheard of these days...and what's to say the couple next door does the same thing...boy, the whole idea of logic must be lost on you...luckily ur logic carries no meaning or clout either & we hope that your profession does not depend on you to make sound statistical or logical decisions...

reply

Just a quick question: Are you religious?

reply

Yes, I am a Christian that is both pro-life & conservative.

reply

[deleted]

Ah a conservative Christian, it all makes sense now.

reply

I won't apologize for being either!!

reply

There are laws about how much someone is supposed to donate but apparently not all clinics follow the rules. Whatever you think of the practice though it's something that happens is a part of a lot of people's lives and is an interesting topic for a movie.

reply

As someone born from my mother and an anonymous donor I can answer from the child standpoint. Each case is probably different, but it didn't bother me at all not knowing my biological father. My « adoptive » father is the only one I consider my father. He's the one who wanted me and the one who raised me as his child. I am 100 % sure I'm no accident and I believe both my parents wanted me a lot to go trough this. I feel neither biological nor psychological nightmares and I consider myself mentally quite sane.

This is normally a decision both parents have to discuss thoroughly and agree upon before they take it. So you'll probably never have to experience it given your opinion on the matter. I think when 2 partners (and I include homosexual couples here, since they obviously don't have the natural choice most heterosexual couples have) reach this decision, they take extra care not to make such a nightmare out of it and raise their child equally as - if not better than, mainly because the child were truly wanted - if they were their own.

I'd say it's mostly a question of values and opinion though. That's why I won't say yours is wrong, just different than mine.

reply

Thanks for your reply and I am certainly glad that your experience has been a very positive one!

reply

Thats the decades old debate about the process

reply

Men raise and love children all the time who are not biologically theirs. And would you be willing impregnate your wife if she used a donor egg? Somehow I get the feeling that wouldn't be so bad. BTW, no sperm donor is going to produce that many offspring. I'm pretty sure there are limits on how much one person can donate.

reply

I believe I already said my preference is adoption over a donor & that would include a donor egg. My objections were never about my need to procreate (as concealedfaith alluded to), but about not wanting my wife to carry another man's child or in this case another woman's child.

reply

If you had no biological children, you'd turn down the opportunity to pass on your genes if your wife needed a donor egg to have a baby? I find that hard to believe. If I needed a donor egg, I certainly wouldn't deny my husband the opportunity to have a biological child. I would be like, "If I can't have a biological child, then he can't either."

reply

So would u or would u not deny him the opportunity, your last statement says that you would. Just a question, I'm not judging you either way, my contention is that the decision to go either way had to be a mutually agreed to one & both parents comfortable with the decision. Maybe this is one of those conversations you have before you get married to see how you both feel...

reply

Sorry about the typo. I would NOT deny my husband an opportunity to have a biological child just because I couldn't.

reply

Apparently not, read some of the other replies. I am not alone. I asked an legitimate question & all you can offer is a smarta$$ answer...
But thanks for the factoid, maybe a few of those 7B+ need adopting rather than creating a new child with "donated" sperm...btw, that term in and of itself is erroneous, donation connotes given without reimbursement...most of the "donations" are paid for.

reply

There was a news story out of Australia were a man, who donated sperm, dated his daughter unknowingly.

There is no one on IMDB I care enough for to use spell check- suck it grammar Nazis

reply

Thank you, one of my points exactly. Heck I am from Alabama & that is even frowned upon here...hahaha

reply