Things 12/12/12 taught me... (Spoilers)
1) when your baby, who basically bunches his way out of you, brutally murders two people in front of you, you not only are not a suspect but get to go home to relax with your husband/boyfriend and spend some time with the child. After all, it's a baby and your a mom-- the explanation of the dead bodies can wait.
2) Babies can move fast... I'm talking so fast they can outrun a felon that is chasing after them, so fast they can disappear into suburbia without anyone who is actively chasing them EVER catching up to them.
3) Demonic poop smells real bad-- probably worse than normal poop.
4) Apparently being an ugly baby is a reasonable explanation as to why a parent would abandon them...
5) When in doubt as a villain (or even as an imaginary villain in a dream) tear off the protagonist's clothes. Seriously. It not only proves you are villainous, but you get to see boobs. Of course, it doesn't move ANYTHING forward (neither your agenda nor the plot in general) but hey... screw common sense.
6) When you have a deadline to meet before the Devil enters our world (as a devil baby), if the protagonists miss the deadline, don't worry, the movie will still drag on pretty much the same as before the deadline. Why? Because screw deadlines that's why.
7) When you report a potential B&E, you get an old detective whose only obvious weapon is a sucker instead of a normal patrol officer with a vest and a gun. Not only that but this old bugger shows up almost seconds after you call. Because SCREW commute time, that's why.
8) A fork placed in the microwave for approximately 30 seconds can DECIMATE YOUR ENTIRE HOME. Seriously... that happens...
9) Had your baby taken away by social services? Don't worry-- your sister's homicidal baby will be placed in your care. Because SCREW BACKGROUND CHECKS, that's why!
10) Babies can apparently do... umm... nasty things to their mom with what appeared to be a baby's bottle (anyone who has seen this stinker knows what I'm talking about)
11) If a postman commits brutal and horrific suicide while parked in the middle of what appears to be a main suburban road, nobody will notice. Ever. (Seriously, did I miss something here? I don't think they EVER come across his body...)
12) You can kill hobos by pushing them into their own cart. "Bashing their head in with the cart you mean?" Nope. I mean their back smacks into the handle of the cart, BOOM, dead. You apparently don't even have to push them that hard, they're just so sad they will die simply because they don't have any will to live.
13) Backup is never an option-- even if you are an old detective with a taste for lollipops. Why? Because, Mr Lollipop, do it yourself, that's why!
14) If you find your newborn baby doing nasty things to you, immediately rush out to the shower. Seriously, don't even stop to assess the situation-- run to the shower!
15) You CAN drown yourself in a bathroom sink, if you are determined enough. Forget the fact that even your most primitive instincts shouldn't allow this to happen, babies can force that instinct out of you WITH THEIR MIND.
16) Screw people who find you randomly on the street. They need to die.
17) If you want to be really villainous, take a girl down to a basement brandished with satanic images, tie her to a chair, and pull off her clothes. Oh wait... that was probably already covered by number 5... ah well, do it anyway.
18) (this is probably the most important thing I discovered) when you see the words "Asylum" in the production credits... be prepared for awefulness that crosses into hilarity.