Polyamory? In name only

We have considered the poly lifestyle although we've yet to bond with anyone. Your comments represent my thoughts exactly...of course reality TV doesn't really exist so we must always take these shows with a grain of salt.

If I were to believe that everything about the triad or the foursome is real, no one in their right mind would want to try it. I see a load of insecurities, neurosis, and self-indulgence....elements that would destroy a monogamous relationship.

I have no doubt that you probably live the more ideal poly life. True love and lots of reasons to trust your partner(s). Like you said, your story wouldn't get the ratings but I'm glad you shared it in case there are those frightened to try it due to the way the SHOWTIME ratings whores portray it. My wife and I are firm believers that this can work but it takes the same elements of honesty, communication, and trust that a successful and traditional monogamous relations requires.

I just watched most of the show, and honestly, you sound just as litigious as the people in the show.

Communicating is not saying "we need to communicate more" and then go off on a me me me me me thing.

This "everybody loves everybody and shares intimacy" thing isn't true unless everyone is bisexual. The 4-way marriage is really sort of 3 people and a selfish male. The guy gets his fantasies of having multiple women, and also watching two women "get it on".

A rose by any other name....

IMO This just doesn't work long term. Jealous happens, or I should say if you love your partner(s) jealous will happen. If you are the odd man/woman out you aren't going to be happy. It doesn't matter if you're with 10 people, it will get as boring as being with 1 person, and end up being just more work. Also if both partners aren't bisexual it will NEVER work, because you are limiting the sexual fulfillment of one of the people in the union.

All that being said, humans just AREN'T polyamorous. I think it's even pushing it to say humans aren't monogamous, because yes, historically men have had more than 1 wife, and also a wife has had more than 1 husband, but the wives/husbands weren't intimate with each other. Also, the women, and even in the situation with multiple husbands, had had NO SAY. A woman wasn't allowed to chose her life partner so this isn't even "nature" at work. In situations with multiple husbands, it was generally a set of brothers all married to one woman, so that there was never have any devision of property and none of the youngest sons were sent off with nothing. The woman was just a linchpin to whole the men together, men who probably had mistresses and illegitimate children of their own. So again, this system was for the males, with females having no say.

Raising human young is a huge commitment, more of a commitment than just about any other animal alive today and the only way to do it, especially back in the day when we were all hunter gatherers is in a small family unit within possibly a small tribe, with two parents to take care of the young. A man most likely couldn't hunt and kill enough, especially in lean times, to keep a family with multiple wives and multiple children alive. It just won't work.

If you want a live an unnatural life style, more power to you, but it seems like a proposition doomed to fail, leaving many people with hurt feelings and hurt psyches along the way. I don't think communication is going to work to combat basic jealous, or feeling excluded or feeling like your spouse, someone you obviously only married because you were planning to make a life long commitment, is moving on and leaving you behind. Just because you say, "I feel like you are moving on and leaving me behind" doesn't negate the fact that statement might very well be true.