Um, were we watching the same show? He totally sabotaged her on Stanford because he thought she was trying to trap him into marriage, then felt bad and wrote her the recommendation at the eleventh hour. And why SHOULDN'T she have gone to Stanford? You make it seem like he was being generous to give his permission. They weren't married, weren't engaged, she wasn't having his baby yet, and he was, in fact, acting like she was crazy to think they were going to get married even though she was 35 years old and he knew she really wanted to get married. So, what? She was supposed to wait around forever for him to decide he wants to get married and, meanwhile, not do anything to advance her career either because she doesn't want to upset the apple cart?
And she probably did want to have more kids, but he wants to have another baby immediately in order to trap her into staying home with them. She never said she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. When they were together at the Empire State Building, he referred to her being a stay-at-home mom, and she said, "I can't quit my job" and referred to getting a nanny. He knew she felt that way all along. Why should she have to quit her job? If he's so stuck on having someone stay home with the kids, then he should do it. He and Mindy have the same job. But, honestly, his mom staying at home with the baby seems ideal. He worries about the kid not having anyone, but this is just an excuse to bully Mindy because Leo DOES have someone, his doting grandmother who has no job, no job skills, and Danny has been paying all her living expenses anyway, so why shouldn't she stay with the baby? Clearly, she is good at it, and she agrees Mindy should keep working.
Anyway, I agree that if he only wants to boss her around, they shouldn't be together. BUt I guess that is what they will be figuring out in the rest of the season. Starting next week!
"Arguing with trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon . . . ."
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loboalce
8 years ago
That is some way to miss a point. Where did I say that she shouldn't go to Stanford? It's just one of her decisions that she's taken and he had to accept. And yes that affected both of them, not only her. And where did I say anything about permission or generosity? The fact is that it couldn't be possible without his recommendation, so you can't say that he sabotaged anything.
In my previous post I've just given a list of her decisions that affects both of them and he had accepted all of them. So your words about him wanting to boss her around had absolutely no proves in the show. As well as Peter words of him taking all decisions. It's she who've taken all important decisions. All except him moving to take care of his father. Which is the only example of him taking decision that affected both of them and we know that storyline was written only because actor was unavailable.
It's just that there is always a line where person should stop compromising. Their views on marriage looks like that line in their relations for me. If they want different things from future they should probably go different ways. I would be very disappointed in writing if he again would be written as stubborn jerk who would get over himself at the end and accept her decision like him wanting to have more kids is selfish or unreasonable. It isn't.
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verucasalt23-1
8 years ago
She was going to get a recommendation from Dr. LeDreaux until Danny told him that he didn't need to write the recommendation because Mindy wasn't really serious about the position (because he thought she was only applying for it in order to trick him into marrying her). That is how he sabotaged her recommendation and, therefore, had to write one for her instead. So, no, he is not responsible for her getting in. If LeDreaux had refused to write one and he had come up and done it like a white knight, yes. But he was just cleaning up the mess he made after he saw her crying and realized he'd ruined her chance at something she really wanted. Honestly, I don't know one single person who watches the show and thought Danny came off well in that episode. Danny was a complete jerk in that episode and, as usual, only cleaned up his mess at the very last minute when he realized how awful he'd been.
And, no, he had no right to have a say in that decision. He was not committed to her and she had the complete right to make the decision independently of him. She was not required to compromise for her boyfriend. It's like not following your boyfriend to a college you wouldn't otherwise attend except more so because she was in her 30s. When she got pregnant and they got engaged, he became entitled to a say, but not ALL the say, which is what he is trying to have when he tries to get her pregnant against her will so she'll be forced to stay home.
I don't think it's really about not wanting to have more kids with her. I think it is about not wanting to stay home. There's no reason why she should have to stay home after getting an expensive and time-consuming medical degree. If he is unwilling to accept that, I agree, they shouldn't be together, but making it sound like continuing to practice medicine is a crazy whim on her part sounds super old-fashioned.
"Arguing with trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon . . . ."
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loboalce
8 years ago
Again it's missing the point and putting words in my mouth. If I wanted to say something about "rights" or "requiring to compromise for her boyfriend" I would certainly have done that by myself, thank you. I was talking about him accepting all her decisions, which is just opposite of Peter words that were mentioned in first post I had replied to in this thread.
Acceptance isn't synonym of permission. If someone accept or don't accept something that isn't meant that he/she gives permission or forbids it. After she had decided to go Stanford, he could accept it by agreeing to wait for her or he could reject it by breaking up with her. He'd accepted. As with all her other decisions like staying in Frisco, getting married and so on. Now she doesn't want to have more kids (the reason for that isn't really important for discussion as outcome is same for him). And it certainly sounds as deal breaker to me. It's not a separation for several months or leaving new-York and abandoning his practice. That's decision which could affect them for decades ahead.
And yes, I would be very disappointed if he would compromise again for her. Some matters shouldn't be discussion for compromising. Or both parties want same thing or they should go different ways and try to achieve what they want with other people.
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verucasalt23-1
8 years ago
I'm not "missing the point." We just disagree. You think he is a paragon of patience with a very difficult woman. I think he is a relic from the 1950s, and she should run while she can because he is extremely controlling. We are never going to agree, but it doesn't mean I misunderstand you. And I don't think he should "compromise." I think he should get therapy for his control freak tendencies that have probably ruined his other relationships too. Remember Weiner Night? How Christina presented Danny as emotionally abusive and everyone thought she was overreacting? Maybe she wasn't.
But I don't think Mindy should let Danny back with an apology or a promise to change without any kind of greater commitment (like therapy) behind it. So we agree. If he stays as he is, and she stays as she is, they're terrible for each other. They should not be together because she is an accomplished professional woman and he is looking for a worshipful idiot who is happy to marry a doctor. There are plenty of those out there.
And, by the way, she said she wanted four kids in season one when they weren't even dating. He said he only wanted one maximum when they were. And then, he backtracked and didn't really want to get married. So if she committed to more than one, he committed to one or fewer. Or it could be that people grow and evolve and every step in a relationship isn't a contractual agreement.
"Arguing with trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon . . . ."
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loboalce
8 years ago
Oh, I've never before thought that a man that basically is being pushed around in his relations is called "controlling freak". That's quite interesting and new concept for me. And no he definitely shouldn't get any therapy, because his dreams shouldn't be less important than hers. There is nothing unreasonable about him wanting to have more kids. And yes it's so happened that there is plenty of women in real life that are wanting the same. You can call them idiots as much you want, but it doesn't make your life priorities more right or important than theirs. To each his own.
She mentioned wanting more kids not only in first season, but several times after that. It actually doesn't matter as it's her business if she want or not them anymore. Nobody's questioning that. And that's the reason why they should go apart. She can't give him what he want anymore. And there are absolutely no reasons for him to abandon his dreams for her. It would be outcry of "sexism" and "misogyny" accusations if someone would imply that she should change for him, but other way around should be normal? "Apology", "therapy", "promise"? No, thank you, it sounds quite hypocritical to me. Trying to change a man isn't any better than trying to change a woman. If she/he isn't good enough as she/he is, then it's time to part ways. There are plenty of men for Mindy to choose from and there are plenty of women for Danny to choose from in this world. Men that have same priorities in life as Mindy and women that have same priorities as Danny.
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verucasalt23-1
8 years ago
As I said, we disagree. But what are these "dreams" he has to put aside for her. His dreams were always to be a doctor and live in New York with his mother (and maybe move her in with him eventually). Seems like he's getting all those. If he had a tertiary dream, it was to be with Mindy. He never dreamed of having a houseful of kids until it was necessary to rope her into staying home.
I'm guessing you're the type of person who also thinks a guy should leave his wife and children if she gains a few pounds or spends too much time on stuff for the kids because she "can't give him what he wants anymore." And he can. Happens all the time. But that doesn't mean he isn't a jerk.
"Arguing with trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon . . . ."
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loboalce
8 years ago
If Mindy could change her dreams, why Danny couldn't? She used to dream about big family with several kids, now she want to have only one. And that's fine. She adjusted her priorities. And so did he. He used to be afraid of marriage, now he want a big family. Ironically it's Mindy who was the reason for that change. There are nothing wrong with what they both want. Just as it's completely unreasonable for him to expect that Mindy would change herself, so also it's unreasonable to expect that he would change himself for her.
Actually I think that guy should check if his future wife expect same things from their life as he do. And if she doesn't, he shouldn't marry her with hope to change her. Because it would be completely unfair for both of them.
I like Mindy, she's funny, sexy, loving and caring, she's a good friend. She has many good qualities. She just doesn't want same marriage as Danny. So it would probably better for them both to look for their happiness elsewhere.
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verucasalt23-1
8 years ago
I see nothing wrong with someone growing and evolving. However, if you're in a committed relationship (and engaged with a baby is pretty similar to married), you usually discuss it instead of railroading the other person into it. For example, my husband and I have both changed careers, and we discussed it. We didn't just try to force the other person into bending to our will, which is what Danny was doing when he tried to get Mindy pregnant, knowing she didn't want it. We also discussed the fact that he wanted three kids (which is what he grew up with) while I wanted one (I'm an only child) and compromised on two.
Also, I feel like the only reason he suddenly wants another child is so he can try to force her to stay home.
"Arguing with trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon . . . ."
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loboalce
8 years ago
Actually I don't think that he knew that she didn't want it. She's always talked about wanting to have many kids that he had assumed that she wanted it too. Of course it would be better to discuss that matter with her beforehand, but what he did was just him trying to speed things up. It was clearly wrong, but not nearly as horrible as trying to impregnate unwilling woman.
I don't believe that he'd tried to impregnate her to force her stay at home. It just doesn't fit in his character at all. Because what's the point of that? She's quite incompetent in housekeeping, he likes to see her at work, and how about children? He practically raised his brother and knows that children take a lot of work and money. I don't think that he would want to have more kids unless he genuinely wanted kids as kids and not as leverage on Mindy. No, I'm sure that his wish to have more kids is sincere.
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danhirshbein
8 years ago
First of all, Mindy says that Leo is enough until her fertility practice is actually on its feet, and then Danny does the whole "not trying but not not trying" BS. Then that leads to him tracking her ovulations. Also, most of their problems are because of them not talking to each other first before doing something that the other person would be mad about. For example, when finds out about Danny tracking her ovulations, she goes on birth control instead of talking to him about it. If that hadn't happened, their fight would've been less traumatic on their relationship.
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loboalce
8 years ago
Yep, she definitely should have talked with him after she'd seen that he want to make another baby. Because although Danny is wrong with trying to do that without proper discussion with her, he is right in one thing, that there probably will never be "perfect time". At least he's thought that she'd wanted to have more kids in principle. Her idea to say him that she doesn't want kids anymore after wedding is frankly quite horrible one. It's definitely not a proper way to start a marriage.
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verucasalt23-1
8 years ago
I never understood why, if she was so worried about her clock ticking, she didn't freeze her eggs. And, at this point, she has a fertility practice. To me, it seems like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future, realizing he has all the time in the world because he has a time machine. They can definitely put it off a little. Obviously, if she got pregnant by accident, she is pretty fertile.
"Arguing with trolls is like playing chess with a pigeon . . . ."
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paxtonaddleman
8 years ago
She didn't get pregnant by accident. Morgan messed with her birth control pills.
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kendrah66
8 years ago
I thought Morgan was making sure she took her pills every day and she got off track. In any case, a person who misses a pill or two and gets pregnant still counts as fertile. I've been on the pill for decades and forgotten to take it countless times with no real consequences. Usually, you have to be completely off the pill for a while to get pregnant.
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paxtonaddleman
8 years ago
He used to crush up her pills into her coffee. But after she has the baby, and he's jealous or something and doesn't like the baby, he says, "Now I'm sorry I messed with your birth control pills".
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