10 Things I learned from Escape From Tomorrow
1.The "Winnie the Pooh" ride is a good place to ask for a hand job. And an equally a good place to get upset when one is refused.
2.Rich Asian guys have all the fun.
3.It is totally acceptable to leave your small child in the next room so you can cheat on your wife with someone who may or may not be an elderly hooker/elderly witch.
4.It is also totally acceptable to be a complete creeper in the hotel pool, submerging yourself into the water and swimming towards teenage girls like a shark going for meat.
5.When your wife catches you, it’s OK to feel sorry for yourself. It’s really her fault anyway.
6.American families are comprised with stereotypical characters like the sex-crazed husband, the bitchy wife and the bratty kids. And Disneyland is all a ploy where ‘cleaners’ will come in after you have a breakdown/suicide/murder to ensure the room is put back to order. But the good news is when you die you get to live in a fantasy world with the child you like best and a hooker wife.
7.Watch out for the JAGGED SPIKES that are implanted in all the hotel furniture. Stub your toe on that bitch and it’s like you've cut a femoral artery.
8.When writing a movie, if you’re having trouble on how to create a solid story, just go for sex, sex, sex. Sex fantasies with minors? Yes! Stalking girls about 10 years older than YOUR OWN DAUGHTER? Yes, yes! We need more! We need something the audience will appreciate, but in a subtly way, like a man squeezing a tube of lube like he’s ejaculating onto a woman’s buttocks as the fountains over Epcot center go off. Now more butt shots! Yes – yes!
9.Immature, jackass, drunk, frozen in adolescence men who don’t care about their families and generally beg to get punched in the face every second of every day make INCREDIBLE protagonists. And telling your kid that you love them at the end of the movie, after 90 minutes of showing the exact opposite, will completely make up for it.
10.After your wife has slapped one of your children, your marriage is on the brink and she’s called you out on oggoling underage girls, the best way to handle it is probably by fantasizing more about additional underage girls.
What an awesome concept. A once in a lifetime opportunity and setting. A good idea about a parent ‘trapped’ in Disneyland and it turning into a nightmare……..too bad this movie to utter *beep*
Best (and one of the only good) lines of the movie:
"We’re not washing hands?"
No, no we’re not. Just get the Hell away from this movie as fast as possible.