1)The Gates family doesn't wipe. 2)If you're approaching your neighbors door and you see them moving around inside that is very scary. 3)Old women are thieves. 4)The best way to kill an old lady is with a vacuum cleaner. 5)Exterminators have an ongoing monologue with the pests they're killing. 6)When in danger invite innocent people (ie the boyfriend) to your house. 7)If you're sitting on your bed at night and someone takes your picture (with the flash on) from about 10 feet away they can scurry up a rickety attic ladder and pull said ladder up in about 3 seconds and do it silently. 8)If someone is trying to kill you by jamming a curling iron into your mouth be sure and open wide so they'll have an easier time of it.
9. A deranged killer can murder a babysitter and an exterminator, hide the bodies, and dispose of their vehicles somehow. No one will ask what happened to these people, and apparently no one wonders where they went even with other creepy stuff happening.
12) If a deranged killer hates a family for moving into the house which had been foreclosed on him, he will first kill everyone who is around EXCEPT the family.
13) Killers living in your attic are very fastidious 14) Deranged killers make good handy men 15) If your being choked to death with an electric car window - DONT open the door and get out 16) Vents not connected to ducts supply lousy air conditioning
18. It's easy to live in the attic without being noticed with a big family living there (eg, the family doesn't hear anything creaking from above, the guy doesn't have to go to the toilet at all for many hours, or the family is not home enough to ever catch him getting downstairs, etc, his cooking doesn't have any smells, etc)...
19). A grown man can live in the attic of a house without ever making the floor creak whenever he moves, thereby alerting the people downstairs.
20). That same attic floor, which never creaks, is somehow weak enough that a 110-pound girl can run into you and break the floor.
21). Upon breaking the floor and falling down, the 110-pound girl will be strong enough to regain consciousness and walk about before a grown man.
22). When you shoot someone with HARMLESS PAINT-BALLS, you should simply stand there and tell the perpetrator, "Don't mess with my family." Don't worry, he won't grab a knife and throw it at your chest.
23). When you don't want your lover to know that the house you're living in doesn't belong to you, just let the phone ring until it reaches the answer machine. Don't answer the phone to hide the secret.
24). When your neighbor - a senior citizen who stays home all day - tells you that she saw someone in your home when you weren't there, and you see someone in the vents, and you see someone unknown taking out the trash, and you see doors opening without anyone nearby, and you see the previous homeowner on tape in your living room --- Don't put the facts together and determine that the man is living in the attic.
25). When a family buys a home, they won't bother to take a look at their own attic.
26). When a babysitter, exterminator, and neighbor dies soon after interacting with a family, that family will never, at any point, notice the alarming sequence of events.
27). When you are a man secretly living inside a family's attic, you can confidently introduce yourself to the little boy as "Santa Claus." The boy will never tell your secret.
28). When your infant child suddenly appears with a toy truck that you have never seen before, and he tells you that he got it from Santa Claus -- Don't bother inquiring into the matter. It must have been Santa Claus doing his rounds in the summertime.