MovieChat Forums > Two Night Stand (2014) Discussion > One night stands

One night stands

posted 9 years ago by movieliker1
42 replies | jump to latest

I guess it might be a Hollywood thing but who leaves a one night stand without saying goodbye?

I have had many one night stands and I have never left without saying goodbye. I think it is so rude to try and steal away without saying goodbye.

I have never done the internet thing. I always meet my one night stands in person at some social gathering like a wedding, a party, a bar, etc. We first start flirting and then we talk. If we are still interested we will then dance, eat and/or drink together. If we are still interested, we will retire to one of our homes. We are talking at least four hours between first meeting and going somewhere alone. Then, when we get alone, we don't just start mauling each other. We talk and drink some more and slowly become more intimate. By then, we have spent at least four hours together getting to know each other.

On a true one night stand, she will either leave after we finish or the next morning after we wake up. They always say at least, "It has been a pleasure meeting you. I had fun thanks. I have to go now". I have never had a one night stand sneak out without saying goodbye.

[–] mdonln 9 years ago

Are you kidding me? That sounds so ridiculous; at least to me. Here's what I hear you saying.

1. Identify someone you absolutely would not want to associate with on a regular basis.

2. Greet, put in some time exchanging trivialities, relocate to another location

3. Have sex

4. Part ways forever but don't forget to say goodbye (what are you an animal?)

=

Actually, all this 'modern' way of approaching sex so casually, so meaninglessly is actually not modern at all. It's as basic as you can get. It's what prehistoric cave people did before their brains developed and they were civilized. It's what animals do - sniff each other, copulate, move on.

The main difference there is those prehistoric people and those animals are perpetuating their species. Today people try to dissociate sex with procreation. If there is a pregnancy, it's quickly terminated.

I worry for the human race. For all the sexual freedom we're starting to have trouble making people. It used to only take two now it takes a hoard of people to make a child sometimes. This is progress?

[–] movieliker1 9 years ago

First of all, you have to admit, saying goodbye after sex is better than stealing away.

Secondly, I never said I wouldn't want to associate with my one night stand on a regular basis. We were just horney and we wanted to satisfy our needs. Sometimes those one night stands turn into relationships.

Thirdly, we don't exchange trivialties. We get to know each other by exchanging information --- verbal and non-verbal.

Fourthly, we don't always just have sex. Sometimes we make love.

Saying goodbye is a matter of respect and concern. We show appreciation for each other and we check to see if the other is okay. (Animals don't say goodbye.)

I think my partner and I communicate on a much higher level than any caveman could have.

I don't think making babies irresponsibly is what you would want us to do. Life is much more complicated now than it was when cavemen roamed the Earth.

People have always had a sex drive. In the old days, promiscuity caused many more problems than it does today. Now people need to prepare much more to raise a child responsibly. Sex doesn't have to complicate things now. I think it is progress.

Just because some people screw things up now and then, doesn't mean life in general isn't better.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > you have to admit, saying goodbye after sex is better than stealing away.

The fact you seem so concerned about minor courtesies amuses me. Manners are a societal convention. If you don't have any use for them in regards to sex why do they matter in any other area?

That would be like a waiter getting upset that a customer left without saying goodbye. It would only make sense if it had been a long term client with whom the waiter had developed some sort of relationship but to say it about a casual diner who was there for one purpose is silly. We exchange courtesies with anyone we meet but to feel some personal affront when it's someone you neither know nor care for is absurd.

You might say that having had sex elevates the relationship but that's the thing, doing it in such a casual manor erases all that. It trivializes it and makes it no more than two people passing on the street. It's nice if they say hello but most sane people don't get all bent out of shape if they don't.

I never said I wouldn't want to associate with my one night stand on a regular basis. We were just horney and we wanted to satisfy our needs. Sometimes those one night stands turn into relationships.

By definition, that's exactly what a one-night stand is. Whatever may happen later is irrelevant because, as you said, the reason the people get together is for sex. They're horny and the only intention of getting together is to satisfy a specific need.

we don't exchange trivialties. We get to know each other by exchanging information --- verbal and non-verbal.

Right! Having sex can be a way of getting to know each other too but let's not pretend that was the intention. As you said yourself, it was not. Casual sex, one-night stands, sex for the sake of having sex are all, in my opinion, the equivalent of small talk at a cocktail party. It's idle chatter to pass the time usually with someone you ordinarily would have no desire to spend time with. For that moment in time you may be grateful the person is there so you don't stand alone looking awkward and foolish but chances are they're looking about for any other person with whom they'd rather have an actual conversation. Some people enjoy small talk but I've noticed they tend to be shallow people who don't mind surface conversations with total strangers - just as some people don't mind quick and dirty sex with someone they hardly or know but with whom they only want for mindless sex.

we don't always just have sex. Sometimes we make love.

Obviously, 'making love' means different things to different people. In my opinion making love has more to do with pleasing the other person than pleasing oneself. If you don't know the other person it's unlikely you know or care about how to please them. In your previous comment you said it's about being horny and wanting to satisfy those urges. I think you need to stop lying to yourself. If you need to deceive yourself in order to justify the one night stand that should tell you something. Next, you'll say sometimes we just talk and hold each other.

I don't think making babies irresponsibly is what you would want us to do. Life is much more complicated now than it was when cavemen roamed the Earth.

Whether one intends to or not, making babies continues to be a possibility. Beyond babies, the emotional well-being of the parties involved should be considered. I suspect people who would need to meet a total stranger for sex probably has a few issues. Doing such a thing involves taking a risk; that may be the attraction. If so, it suggests they have a natural tendency to behave irresponsibly in many areas of their lives.

People have always had a sex drive.

Yes, it's a drive to procreate much like hunger is the drive to sustain life. If it wasn't enjoyable some people wouldn't do it but instead some go to the other extreme and only focus on the enjoyment of it. The same is true with eating. If we only eat for enjoyment we may make the wrong choices and harm our lives instead.

In the old days, promiscuity caused many more problems than it does today.

Promiscuity continues to be as much a problem now as it was at any other time because it can lead to the unraveling of or the interference of societal conventions and values. The only difference today is people have ways of easily eliminating what they perceive as the problem; the child. The problem was never the child. It's the irresponsible way people behave that create life then disrespect that life either by killing it off or neglecting it after birth. You may not associate them but a lot of problems in society like poverty, violence, drugs stem from or are exacerbated by promiscuity or the same inability some people have to control other urges.

Like I said before, we have evolved in many ways but in some ways we, at least some of us, are still controlled not by reason but by our most basic impulses.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

The fact you seem so concerned about minor courtesies amuses me. Manners are a societal convention. If you don't have any use for them in regards to sex why do they matter in any other area?

That would be like a waiter getting upset that a customer left without saying goodbye. It would only make sense if it had been a long term client with whom the waiter had developed some sort of relationship but to say it about a casual diner who was there for one purpose is silly. We exchange courtesies with anyone we meet but to feel some personal affront when it's someone you neither know nor care for is absurd.

You might say that having had sex elevates the relationship but that's the thing, doing it in such a casual manor erases all that. It trivializes it and makes it no more than two people passing on the street. It's nice if they say hello but most sane people don't get all bent out of shape if they don't.

Being polite and considerate is the glue that holds civilization together. I am polite and considerate to everyone. Even people passing in the street. If I am polite and considerate to people passing in the street, why would I not be to someone I just slept with?

A waiter is working and serving customers for money. I am not working for money when I sleep with someone.

Anyone who is a guest in your house should feel more of an obligation to be polite and considerate than someone who just passes you in the street.

By definition, that's exactly what a one-night stand is. Whatever may happen later is irrelevant because, as you said, the reason the people get together is for sex. They're horny and the only intention of getting together is to satisfy a specific need.

The person I slept with is a human being with whom we have shared something special. So to treat them as anything less than special would be inappropriate, disrespectful, insulting and offensive.

Right! Having sex can be a way of getting to know each other too but let's not pretend that was the intention. As you said yourself, it was not. Casual sex, one-night stands, sex for the sake of having sex are all, in my opinion, the equivalent of small talk at a cocktail party. It's idle chatter to pass the time usually with someone you ordinarily would have no desire to spend time with. For that moment in time you may be grateful the person is there so you don't stand alone looking awkward and foolish but chances are they're looking about for any other person with whom they'd rather have an actual conversation. Some people enjoy small talk but I've noticed they tend to be shallow people who don't mind surface conversations with total strangers - just as some people don't mind quick and dirty sex with someone they hardly or know but with whom they only want for mindless sex.

Who said I don't want to get to know the women I sleep with?

Obviously, 'making love' means different things to different people. In my opinion making love has more to do with pleasing the other person than pleasing oneself. If you don't know the other person it's unlikely you know or care about how to please them. In your previous comment you said it's about being horny and wanting to satisfy those urges. I think you need to stop lying to yourself. If you need to deceive yourself in order to justify the one night stand that should tell you something. Next, you'll say sometimes we just talk and hold each other.

I never said I didn't care about pleasing the other person. I get excited when they get excited. I have fun when they have fun. I am not a selfish lover.

Whether one intends to or not, making babies continues to be a possibility. Beyond babies, the emotional well-being of the parties involved should be considered. I suspect people who would need to meet a total stranger for sex probably has a few issues. Doing such a thing involves taking a risk; that may be the attraction. If so, it suggests they have a natural tendency to behave irresponsibly in many areas of their lives.

Do you only have sex when you want to make a baby mdonln? I think you are putting an unfair burden on those who have casual sex. I am willing and able to assume the risks of sex. I would step up if she wanted to have and keep a baby.

Yes, it's a drive to procreate much like hunger is the drive to sustain life. If it wasn't enjoyable some people wouldn't do it but instead some go to the other extreme and only focus on the enjoyment of it. The same is true with eating. If we only eat for enjoyment we may make the wrong choices and harm our lives instead.

That is why I try to be responsible with my sex life. I don't have sex everytime opportunity presents itself. As a matter of fact, I have gone long periods of time without having sex. For responsible reasons --- no money, low self-esteem, other more pending responsibilities to focus on, etc.

Promiscuity continues to be as much a problem now as it was at any other time because it can lead to the unraveling of or the interference of societal conventions and values. The only difference today is people have ways of easily eliminating what they perceive as the problem; the child. The problem was never the child. It's the irresponsible way people behave that create life then disrespect that life either by killing it off or neglecting it after birth. You may not associate them but a lot of problems in society like poverty, violence, drugs stem from or are exacerbated by promiscuity or the same inability some people have to control other urges.

Promiscuity is not as much a problem as it used to be. Because of "safe sex". Before, unplanned pregnancies and STDs were more prevalent because safe sex was not as available or practiced.
I am Pro-life. I believe abortion is murder. I have never been involved in a situation where abortion was considered. And I am sure, I have contracted and transmitted much less STDs than I would have if I didn't practice safe sex.

Like I said before, we have evolved in many ways but in some ways we, at least some of us, are still controlled not by reason but by our most basic impulses.

One of the definitions of life is change. Hopefully change for the better. Evolution and progress means life keeps moving forward. In many ways, life will never be what it was before. I think people who are progressive and responsible about sex enjoy that progress in ways people before never could.

I have never contracted or transmitted any incurable or terminal STDs. And I have never gotten a woman pregnant. On the other hand, I have shared many wonderful, joyful and loving experiences with many women. So, I say thank goodness for progress.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > A waiter is working and serving customers for money. I am not working for money when I sleep with someone.

You're just not getting my point. It's not about being courteous, it's about being offended that someone you hooked up with for a one night fling would dare to leave without saying goodbye. You have both made the decision going in that neither of you care enough about each other to invest any time into a relationship yet you're doing something very intimate.

It's all, in my opinion, very odd. I hear the same thing from certain female 'friends' who meet a guy, have sex, then are shocked he doesn't call. Talk about delusional. It is what it is; accept it. If someone you're dating slips out without a word, that may be cause for concern but a one-night stand; no way. I would think you'd be glad to avoid the morning after awkwardness because you've both exhausted the extent of the 'relationship'. It's like when a TV anchor person runs out of script but the camera stays focused on them - awkward!

Anyone who is a guest in your house should feel more of an obligation to be polite and considerate than someone who just passes you in the street.

See, that's the difference between us. I am very careful about who I let into into my car or my life so there is no way I would so easily let them into my home, my bed, or my body. To me that's just so disgusting on so many levels. I suspect you'd faster let someone into your bed than go through your wallet or see your password. Does that not say something about where your values lie and how little you think of sex? If you can do it with anyone, so frivolously, where's the value? It's meaningless and by extension so, too, are the people you're having it with.

Who said I don't want to get to know the women I sleep with?

You did! Otherwise, it wouldn't be a one-night stand. Like I said, whatever may happen later, and I don't see how it ever could, the initial reaction you both have to each other is the same. We're going to use each other for sex, like a glorified blow up doll or a free prostitute and that's about all I can see doing with you. It may not be said in so many words but that's what it is; the ultimate in using another person.

I never said I didn't care about pleasing the other person. I get excited when they get excited. I have fun when they have fun. I am not a selfish lover.

Read your own words.

Do you only have sex when you want to make a baby mdonln? I think you are putting an unfair burden on those who have casual sex. I am willing and able to assume the risks of sex. I would step up if she wanted to have and keep a baby.

Again, your question illustrates the skewed view that a lot of people have come to have in regards to sex. They try to eliminate all aspects of procreation and say that anything goes; it's all about having fun and feeling good. The fact that these same people use contraceptives means they do get it but, as usual, they play the same little games to try to deceive themselves. I think it's the reason so many people try to normalize abnormal behaviors; more delusional thinking. It's mind blowing when you really think about it.

I am Pro-life. I believe abortion is murder. I have never been involved in a situation where abortion was considered. And I am sure, I have contracted and transmitted much less STDs than I would have if I didn't practice safe sex.

I never would have guessed it. I'm glad to hear you're pro-life but that does not only mean being against abortion. It's also being responsible long before that issue comes up. By your actions, you necessarily put yourself in the path of something you say you're against. I love babies but I'm not advocating that people have them willy-nilly. The time to think about not bringing a life into the world if you're not really, willing and able to care for it is prior to conception. Having one-night stands and casual sex don't support what you claim to be your beliefs. Even the nonchalant way to which you refer to STDs is fairly shocking to me.

One of the definitions of life is change. Hopefully change for the better. Evolution and progress means life keeps moving forward. In many ways, life will never be what it was before. I think people who are progressive and responsible about sex enjoy that progress in ways people before never could.

Progress is not always for the better. We've made a lot of so-called progress in the world but a lot of those changes are not for the better. They're simply a change from what was done before. It's like when you're on a trip and get lost. Until you realize you're lost you keep going and get further and further away. You may have been on the road for hours but you're getting further away from where you intended to go. At some point you realize you're lost and have to go back to the point where you started to go in the wrong direction. You can't say well we've gotten this far so we might as well keep going.

I think we (humans) are still fairly young in our development and maturity. We behave and think like adolescents. Most of us react more than think and are mostly concerned with the here and now and focus on the things that feel good. Unfortunately, we fail to learn from other civilizations have gone through the same kinds of issues and were destroyed because of it.

At the rate we're going it won't be long before we jeopardize and even end our own existence. We'll start thinking any kind of perverse sex act is normal. Sex will be about everything other than what it is and people will do whatever, with whomever, they choose. Oh wait, we're already there. You call that progress? We're jeopardizing the human race. If we were a fluffy animal people would be having fundraisers to save the humans. I said your mindset is like a caveman. Using my previous analogy, that would be like coming full circle to where you set off on that road trip; that's not progress either.

I have never contracted or transmitted any incurable or terminal STDs. And I have never gotten a woman pregnant.

Yet! Actually, you don't know. You could have something and not know it. I'm not wishing that on you but it happens. You could also have a child or children out there too. You would not be the first person to have a child of whom you're not aware.

Overall, it's clear that you and I have completely different approaches to life and different views of what is appropriate behavior. I think you're fooling yourself and you probably think I'm dull. That's life!

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

First of all, you seem to be assuming a lot about me. All people who engage in casual sex are not the result of a mass production of clones who all think, feel and act the same way. I am a distinct individual with my own thoughts, feelings, actions and point of view. Pleas stop accusing "us" of this and that. Maybe you should be asking more questions instead of assuming you know exactly what I think, feel and do.

You're just not getting my point. It's not about being courteous, it's about being offended that someone you hooked up with for a one night fling would dare to leave without saying goodbye. You have both made the decision going in that neither of you care enough about each other to invest any time into a relationship yet you're doing something very intimate.

I have never made that decision. I care about the women I sleep with. And I show it all night long. And they show it too or we don't sleep together.

It's all, in my opinion, very odd. I hear the same thing from certain female 'friends' who meet a guy, have sex, then are shocked he doesn't call. Talk about delusional. It is what it is; accept it. If someone you're dating slips out without a word, that may be cause for concern but a one-night stand; no way. I would think you'd be glad to avoid the morning after awkwardness because you've both exhausted the extent of the 'relationship'. It's like when a TV anchor person runs out of script but the camera stays focused on them - awkward!

I have never not called a women the next day that I have slept with. I agree with your girlfriends. It is highly disrespectful, selfish, inconsiderate, thoughtless, rude, offensive and insulting of those guys to not call your girlfriends after having slept with them. I can't believe you wouldn't agree.

See, that's the difference between us. I am very careful about who I let into into my car or my life so there is no way I would so easily let them into my home, my bed, or my body. To me that's just so disgusting on so many levels. I suspect you'd faster let someone into your bed than go through your wallet or see your password. Does that not say something about where your values lie and how little you think of sex? If you can do it with anyone, so frivolously, where's the value? It's meaningless and by extension so, too, are the people you're having it with.

I am very careful also about who I let into my car, my life, my home and my bed. The sex I have is not meaningless and neither are the women I have sex with.

You did! Otherwise, it wouldn't be a one-night stand. Like I said, whatever may happen later, and I don't see how it ever could, the initial reaction you both have to each other is the same. We're going to use each other for sex, like a glorified blow up doll or a free prostitute and that's about all I can see doing with you. It may not be said in so many words but that's what it is; the ultimate in using another person.

I do get to know the women I sleep with. They are not complete strangers when we have sex. I told you I have spent at least four hours with them before we have sex. And I don't sleep with every woman I meet or date.

"I never said I didn't care about pleasing the other person. I get excited when they get excited. I have fun when they have fun. I am not a selfish lover."

Read your own words.

What are you saying mdonln? That you don't enjoy sex. Only your partner should feel love and pleasure? That is ridiculous.

Again, your question illustrates the skewed view that a lot of people have come to have in regards to sex. They try to eliminate all aspects of procreation and say that anything goes; it's all about having fun and feeling good. The fact that these same people use contraceptives means they do get it but, as usual, they play the same little games to try to deceive themselves. I think it's the reason so many people try to normalize abnormal behaviors; more delusional thinking. It's mind blowing when you really think about it.

It is not just about having fun and feeling good. It is about loving another human being. Don't some people say, "Love makes the world go 'round"? Yes, that is an oversimplification. But love does make the world a better place.

I never would have guessed it. I'm glad to hear you're pro-life but that does not only mean being against abortion. It's also being responsible long before that issue comes up. By your actions, you necessarily put yourself in the path of something you say you're against. I love babies but I'm not advocating that people have them willy-nilly. The time to think about not bringing a life into the world if you're not really, willing and able to care for it is prior to conception. Having one-night stands and casual sex don't support what you claim to be your beliefs. Even the nonchalant way to which you refer to STDs is fairly shocking to me.

That is why we use birth control. Because we are being responsible.

And that is why we practice safe sex and we screen potential lovers. So we can minimize the chances of contracting a STD. And I get tested regularly. To make sure I am not putting future partners at risk.

Progress is not always for the better. We've made a lot of so-called progress in the world but a lot of those changes are not for the better. They're simply a change from what was done before. It's like when you're on a trip and get lost. Until you realize you're lost you keep going and get further and further away. You may have been on the road for hours but you're getting further away from where you intended to go. At some point you realize you're lost and have to go back to the point where you started to go in the wrong direction. You can't say well we've gotten this far so we might as well keep going.

I think we (humans) are still fairly young in our development and maturity. We behave and think like adolescents. Most of us react more than think and are mostly concerned with the here and now and focus on the things that feel good. Unfortunately, we fail to learn from other civilizations have gone through the same kinds of issues and were destroyed because of it.

At the rate we're going it won't be long before we jeopardize and even end our own existence. We'll start thinking any kind of perverse sex act is normal. Sex will be about everything other than what it is and people will do whatever, with whomever, they choose. Oh wait, we're already there. You call that progress? We're jeopardizing the human race. If we were a fluffy animal people would be having fundraisers to save the humans. I said your mindset is like a caveman. Using my previous analogy, that would be like coming full circle to where you set off on that road trip; that's not progress either.

With all due respect mdonln, that sounds like a very negative, pessimistic, cynical, gloom and doom point of view. I am sorry you think and feel that way. I know life is better now than it has ever been before for humans --- especially in first world countries. And I believe it is only going to get better. Part of me is sorry I won't be around to experience the future a hundred to a thousand, two thousand, three thousand years from now --- and on !!!

Yet! Actually, you don't know. You could have something and not know it. I'm not wishing that on you but it happens. You could also have a child or children out there too. You would not be the first person to have a child of whom you're not aware.

I am pretty sure with my safe sex practices and my regular tests I don't have a STD. It is impossible to live life to the fullest without taking risks. I am not going to refuse to live just because there are risks out there.

Overall, it's clear that you and I have completely different approaches to life and different views of what is appropriate behavior. I think you're fooling yourself and you probably think I'm dull. That's life!

No, I don't think you are dull. I think you are probably a very interesting, intelligent, responsible, moral and accomplished woman. I am just sad that you are so negative about humanity and it's future.

I am sure if you have studied history you know things are better now than they have ever been before. We still have problems but we always did. You say you live in Great Britain. Compare your life to what you could reasonably expect of someone of your social stature fifty, one hundred, five hundred, a thousand, two thousand, four thousand years ago. Life is better now.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

Our responses keep growing so I'll try to keep it simple; only a few points.

1. First, I don't know where the Great Britain thing came from. I've never said I was from there; I'm not, nor have I said that live there; I don't.

2. Many things have improved over the years but I'm referring to specific issues. It is possible to excel in some areas and not in others. The areas in which we fail can negate the progress we've made in every other area. Part of being a civilized society involves understanding and embracing certain behaviors that tear at the fabric of society. Promiscuity doesn't do much to benefit society but can and does tend to interfere with many societal conventions.

3. Don't waste your time feeling sorry for me. I kind of felt sorry for you but the more I read your words the more I wonder how much of what you say is theory rather than practice. You seem quick to change your original stance. You talk about one-night stands but insist you spend time with the other person, care about the person, call the person after the fact, etc. It sounds more like you have a lot of short-term relationships that quickly fizzle. They turn out to be one night stands when maybe you hadn't intended them to.

There are a lot of people who have a series of first dates that go nowhere after that. It doesn't mean the advocate single dates it's just their experience. If you are as invested in these people as you claim; you think it's discourteous of them to sneak out without a word, and you do care about them as much as you say, perhaps you're the one being used for sex and you don't even realize it.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

1. First, I don't know where the Great Britain thing came from. I've never said I was from there; I'm not, nor have I said that live there; I don't.

Sorry, I must have confused you with another poster on another thread. I sometimes have as many as eight conversations going at one time. (I think that was a poster I was talking with about transgender rights on the Politics board.) Sorry.

2. Many things have improved over the years but I'm referring to specific issues. It is possible to excel in some areas and not in others. The areas in which we fail can negate the progress we've made in every other area. Part of being a civilized society involves understanding and embracing certain behaviors that tear at the fabric of society. Promiscuity doesn't do much to benefit society but can and does tend to interfere with many societal conventions.

I don't think liberal attitudes and easy access to sex is a negative development for society. Just because some people abuse and misuse it is not society's fault. No matter what privileges are available, some people are just going to screw it up.

3. Don't waste your time feeling sorry for me. I kind of felt sorry for you but the more I read your words the more I wonder how much of what you say is theory rather than practice. You seem quick to change your original stance. You talk about one-night stands but insist you spend time with the other person, care about the person, call the person after the fact, etc. It sounds more like you have a lot of short-term relationships that quickly fizzle. They turn out to be one night stands when maybe you hadn't intended them to.

Here is another example of me thinking you have jumped to incorrect assumptions of me and my lifestyle.

There are a lot of people who have a series of first dates that go nowhere after that. It doesn't mean the advocate single dates it's just their experience. If you are as invested in these people as you claim; you think it's discourteous of them to sneak out without a word, and you do care about them as much as you say, perhaps you're the one being used for sex and you don't even realize it.

No, I don't believe that is the case. I never said my lifestyle was determined by a never ending series of one night stands. Although you seemed to have jumped to that conclusion. I have had one night stands. But I don't do them all the time. I have had girlfriends. I have had long term relationships that have lasted for years. I also have had periods of time when I was decidedly abstinent.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > Sorry, I must have confused you with another poster on another thread.

No big deal I know what that's like except it points to the fact you are actually doing what you've accused me of doing: lumping you in with and confusing you with other people. How interesting! At least it sounds like you're having some interesting conversations; maybe that'll keep you out of trouble. LOL

I don't think liberal attitudes and easy access to sex is a negative development for society.

Well, I do because I believe those attitudes go beyond sex and affect many other things in society. You kind of sound like the people who steal or do other anit-social things. They neither understand nor care what impact their behavior has on others. Some people are unable to self-patrol. A lot of these liberal views towards sex lead to problems and leave a lot of innocent victims in the wake. Despite what you may say about wanting to please the other person, certain attitudes represent the ultimate in selfishness.

People with liberal views toward sex are in it for self-satisfaction; what they get out of it. I'm not saying one should not enjoy sex; it's supposed to be enjoyable, but when it's approached in such a casual manner with any person it's only about pleasing oneself and not about the other person. In fact, that's the very reason people 'hook up' with strangers; they can just get to the act and strip away all the other aspects of relating to another human being. By the way, I think it's similar to the reason a lot of people enjoy pets so much. Dealing with humans is so much harder because we have thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc. It's so much easier for things to be all about 'me' when sex is with a stranger and your so-called best friend and constant companion can't talk back or disagree.

Here is another example of me thinking you have jumped to incorrect assumptions of me and my lifestyle.

That's my assessment based on the things you've said. Clearly you have certain ideas about me based on what I've said that may or may not reflect who I really am.

I never said my lifestyle was determined by a never ending series of one night stands. Although you seemed to have jumped to that conclusion.

I didn't say that was your lifestyle but if what you say is true that you do take time with and invest in the other person it sounds like you may have been hoping for something else but nothing more than sex came of it. Whether that's once or often, that's what it sounds like to me. As we know, in general, men and women are different but you seem to be describing the typical woman who sleeps around. They don't necessarily intend to but they do because the guy got what he wanted. Granted, there are plenty of women who are in it just for the sex and I suspect most men too but that is not what you have described. You keep insisting it's more than just sex but you are, at the same time, expecting some emotional, albeit minor, connection.

I guess you're trying to have me believe that behaviors exist in a vacuum, like someone could go out and do certain things and it doesn't affect the way they live the rest of their lives or how they approach other issues. I don't know how that's possible. Sure, some people try to convince themselves of it but I don't buy it.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

No big deal I know what that's like except it points to the fact you are actually doing what you've accused me of doing: lumping you in with and confusing you with other people. How interesting!

That is ironic to an certain extent.

Well, I do because I believe those attitudes go beyond sex and affect many other things in society. You kind of sound like the people who steal or do other anit-social things. They neither understand nor care what impact their behavior has on others. Some people are unable to self-patrol. A lot of these liberal views towards sex lead to problems and leave a lot of innocent victims in the wake. Despite what you may say about wanting to please the other person, certain attitudes represent the ultimate in selfishness.

People with liberal views toward sex are in it for self-satisfaction; what they get out of it. I'm not saying one should not enjoy sex; it's supposed to be enjoyable, but when it's approached in such a casual manner with any person it's only about pleasing oneself and not about the other person. In fact, that's the very reason people 'hook up' with strangers; they can just get to the act and strip away all the other aspects of relating to another human being. By the way, I think it's similar to the reason a lot of people enjoy pets so much. Dealing with humans is so much harder because we have thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc. It's so much easier for things to be all about 'me' when sex is with a stranger and your so-called best friend and constant companion can't talk back or disagree.

Let me clarify something I hope you already realized. I started this thread because I was shocked by how impersonal the two main characters were and by what they had done. If I remember correctly, she hooked up with a guy she met online by text only --- no pictures. He said he was looking to have sex. She said she was available. He gave her an address. She went over there. They had sex. And she tried to leave without saying goodbye. Do you realize how dangerous that was !!! Especially for a girl !!! He could have been a serial killer !!!

I have never done that. As I said, I have always spent at least four hours getting to know my potential bed mates before anything happens. We have to think and feel we are good people before we commit to spending anymore time together. The sex is not the goal. Getting close to someone --- mentally, emotionally, psychologically and at last physically is. I don't have sex with strangers. So yes, after all that, saying goodbye is required. Hopefully that re-clarification clears things up for you.

What consequences are created by the one night stands I said I have had? I have never created an illegitimate child. I have never contracted or transmitted any serious STDs. So, what consequences?

I get pleasure out of pleasing my partner. I couldn't enjoy sex with anyone who wasn't getting pleasure out having sex with me. So, how is that selfish?

I didn't say that was your lifestyle but if what you say is true that you do take time with and invest in the other person it sounds like you may have been hoping for something else but nothing more than sex came of it. Whether that's once or often, that's what it sounds like to me. As we know, in general, men and women are different but you seem to be describing the typical woman who sleeps around. They don't necessarily intend to but they do because the guy got what he wanted. Granted, there are plenty of women who are in it just for the sex and I suspect most men too but that is not what you have described. You keep insisting it's more than just sex but you are, at the same time, expecting some emotional, albeit minor, connection.

I guess you're trying to have me believe that behaviors exist in a vacuum, like someone could go out and do certain things and it doesn't affect the way they live the rest of their lives or how they approach other issues. I don't know how that's possible. Sure, some people try to convince themselves of it but I don't buy it.

No, I am not hoping for anything more. I meet someone new. I don't expect anything. If we like each other, we spend more time together. If we don't, we don't spend more time together. I eventually get good company out of meeting all these new people. No false expectations.

I believe it is healthy to have a healthy social life. Because of recent developments socially and technologically, we can enjoy a more intense and intimate social life than people could before. Nothing wrong with that.

Of course, those who take advantage of those recent developments responsibly are contributing to a better world. And those who are irresponsible are making problems for themselves and others. But that is not the fault of the opportunities resulting from those recent developments. That is fault of those who are irresponsible.

So, just like guns don't kill people, casual sex doesn't hurt anybody either. In both cases, it is the irresponsible use of privileges that is the problem. Not the privileges themselves.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > I started this thread because I was shocked by how impersonal the two main characters were and by what they had done. If I remember correctly, she hooked up with a guy she met online by text only --- no pictures. He said he was looking to have sex. She said she was available. He gave her an address. She went over there. They had sex. And she tried to leave without saying goodbye. Do you realize how dangerous that was !!! Especially for a girl !!! He could have been a serial killer !!!

Yet, you raised none of those issues before. You were commenting on the very movie you're describing now but you chose to focus on how rude it was to leave without saying goodbye. She could have been a serial killer too or infected or deranged, etc. You seem to think spending a few hours with someone makes a difference but I don't.

When I talked about victims before, you made it seem like there's no way that could happen but people who feel it necessary to have one-night stands or affairs of any sort usually are not thinking about anyone but themselves. They don't seem to value their own safety so how could they possibly consider the safety of other people? If I have to spell out all the issues for you it means you don't get it and probably never will; until and unless something happens that opens your eyes, but I'll just say this.

Your innocent fling may damage someone's marriage. You seem to think you get to know them in four hours but that's an illusion. You're just giving yourself a pass. You can choose to believe whatever they tell you and/or pretend it doesn't matter since it's just a one-time fling. Whether or not you take the time to say goodbye, you can walk away and pretend that's that. Really, it gives you the perfect out. You don't have to see the consequences.

As a man you have it easy. You don't ever have to know if there was a pregnancy or if you passed along some disease. Women, being on the receiving end are a lot more susceptible. You keep repeating you never had any illegitimate children but how many men have said that only to find out much, much later that was not the case. Even if the child was never born, I count the child as a victim as well.

You want to separate the responsible and irresponsible but some behaviors, in my opinion, are inherently irresponsible so I cannot see any distinction. It's as if someone went out and shot a gun randomly in any direction. Is there a responsible way of doing that? I think not!

The person could get lucky and escape doing any harm but that doesn't make their behavior any less risky or less stupid. What it does is it gives them a sense of false confidence; making them more likely to repeat those risks again because nothing happened the first time. As they go on and nothing happens they gain more confidence and keep behaving irresponsibly.

I responded to that original post because I thought then as I think now. With so many other potentials issues issues why is leaving without a goodbye so important? Really, considering everything else that had happened, that was probably the first/only behavior that made any sense to me. It also happened to be the only thing you saw as odd or out of place.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

Yet, you raised none of those issues before. You were commenting on the very movie you're describing now but you chose to focus on how rude it was to leave without saying goodbye. She could have been a serial killer too or infected or deranged, etc. You seem to think spending a few hours with someone makes a difference but I don't.

You are correct. I raised none of those issues before. My initial post focused on how rude I thought it was to steal away without saying goodbye.

I agree, she could have been a serial killer also. I have never had a one night stand like that.

Spending a few hours with someone does make a difference. You won't agree going to a perfect stranger's home or, letting a perfect stranger into your house and having sex with them is different than going anywhere to be alone with someone you have known for a few hours?
First of all, there is the few hours difference. Secondly, it you try, you should know a lot more about that person after a few hours than you did before you ever met them. I understand, a few hours is not enough for "you" to want to sleep with anyone. But there is a difference.

When I talked about victims before, you made it seem like there's no way that could happen but people who feel it necessary to have one-night stands or affairs of any sort usually are not thinking about anyone but themselves. They don't seem to value their own safety so how could they possibly consider the safety of other people? If I have to spell out all the issues for you it means you don't get it and probably never will; until and unless something happens that opens your eyes, but . . .

Yes, there are risks involved. That is part of what makes it exciting. But, there are always risks involved. How many times do we hear about a couple of high school sweethearts who dated all through high school and college, got married, had kids and --- one spouse murders the other. No, it happens less than not, but the point is, there are always risks and you never really know anyone.

. . . I'll just say this;
Your innocent fling may damage someone's marriage. You seem to think you get to know them in four hours but that's an illusion. You're just giving yourself a pass. You can choose to believe whatever they tell you and/or pretend it doesn't matter since it's just a one-time fling. Whether or not you take the time to say goodbye, you can walk away and pretend that's that. Really, it gives you the perfect out. You don't have to see the consequences.

She would have to be a world class liar to hide the fact that she was married for four hours of courting. And if she did, I wouldn't be responsible. I would be a victim. A victim of her deceit.

First of all, and least importantly, if she is a cheater, she is going to cheat with me or somebody else. Secondly, and more importantly, the problem there is she is a cheater. Not the innocent guys she picks off to ply her deceit. I have never knowingly slept with a married woman. But I can't help it if she is a liar.

As a man you have it easy. You don't ever have to know if there was a pregnancy or if you passed along some disease. Women, being on the receiving end are a lot more susceptible. You keep repeating you never had any illegitimate children but how many men have said that only to find out much, much later that was not the case. Even if the child was never born, I count the child as a victim as well.

These women I sleep with are mature, responsible adults. I am not sleeping with babies. They are fully aware of the risks and responsibilities involved in casual sex. They would be offended if I insinuated they weren't old, mature or sophisticated enough to be treated like an adult.

You want to separate the responsible and irresponsible but some behaviors, in my opinion, are inherently irresponsible so I cannot see any distinction. It's as if someone went out and shot a gun randomly in any direction. Is there a responsible way of doing that? I think not!

That is ridiculous. People who have one night stands want to have sex. Nobody wants to get shot.

The person could get lucky and escape doing any harm but that doesn't make their behavior any less risky or less stupid. What it does is it gives them a sense of false confidence; making them more likely to repeat those risks again because nothing happened the first time. As they go on and nothing happens they gain more confidence and keep behaving irresponsibly.

There are risks involved in everything. I am not going to lock myself alone in my bedroom just because I am afraid of risks. I want to live life. One proponent of life is risks. You can't have one without the other.

I responded to that original post because I thought then as I think now. With so many other potentials issues issues why is leaving without a goodbye so important? Really, considering everything else that had happened, that was probably the first/only behavior that made any sense to me. It also happened to be the only thing you saw as odd or out of place.

I believe you are smart enough mdonln to understand where I am coming from. But I think you are trying to project your disgust for people who have one night stands and casual sex by saying, "You all disgust me !!! As far as I am concerned, none of you guys deserve the respect of a good bye. If you want to be irresponsible animals, you should be treated like such. And if you are offended --- good !!! You deserve it !!!".

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

1. Risk - you talk about everything in life having risks in order to justify your behavior. You say it as if the alternative to sleeping around is sitting locked in a room avoiding life. How absurd! If you don't know any alternatives, that say a lot about you.

There are risks involved in crossing the street. Most people look both ways and wait for the light in order to minimize the risks. You seem to be saying, well, there are risks so I might as well run out into the street and take my chances. I've noticed some people's daily lives are so dull and uninspired they do need to take chances; do things that are an adrenaline rush in order to feel alive or feel anything.

They seem to think theirs are the exciting lives because they take, what I consider, unnecessary and foolish risks. There is a huge difference. Some people don't have to pursue trivial risks; it's a challenge to get through every day of their lives.

Putting yourself in danger for a sexual thrill, in my opinion, is the same as having any other fetish; something you have to have in order to get aroused. That's what happens when one is numb to regular experiences. Like I said before if you have to seek out an adrenaline rush to feel something; whether it's alive, aroused, or whatever, it says a LOT about you. When that thrill wears out, what's next, rape and torture. People have to keep ramping it up; like using drugs, one gets quickly accustomed to what they're taking and need larger and stronger doses just to feel okay.

2. Responsibility - With everything you've said, you're making my point. One can know someone a lifetime and not really know the person but you just need about four hours and you're good to go. However, you make sure to add if they choose to be deceitful, well, it's not your fault so you're covered; free from blame; off the hook. How convenient. As long as you don't see the aftermath you can just assume all is well. Of course you don't know if you fathered some kids that are going hungry. In your world not knowing seems to be equivalent to non-existent.

In my opinion, the very fact two people, strangers, are meeting each other for sex suggests that both of them have a lot to hide. No, we may not ever know every detail of the inner recesses of another person's mind but spending as little time with them as possible and never seeing them again assures not only that you will not get to know them but, more importantly, they won't ever get the chance to know you either. As I said before, a lot of people have trouble relating with and being in relationships with other people. Maybe they never learned to do it, they fail at it, and/or they so dislike themselves they don't want others to know them and feel about them the same way they feel about themselves. One of the most basic of human traits is bonding with others in our species. Those who can't do that know it and try to hide it along with all their many faults.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

1. Risk - you talk about everything in life having risks in order to justify your behavior. You say it as if the alternative to sleeping around is sitting locked in a room avoiding life. How absurd! If you don't know any alternatives, that say a lot about you.

There are risks involved in crossing the street. Most people look both ways and wait for the light in order to minimize the risks. You seem to be saying, well, there are risks so I might as well run out into the street and take my chances. I've noticed some people's daily lives are so dull and uninspired they do need to take chances; do things that are an adrenaline rush in order to feel alive or feel anything.

They seem to think theirs are the exciting lives because they take, what I consider, unnecessary and foolish risks. There is a huge difference. Some people don't have to pursue trivial risks; it's a challenge to get through every day of their lives.

Putting yourself in danger for a sexual thrill, in my opinion, is the same as having any other fetish; something you have to have in order to get aroused. That's what happens when one is numb to regular experiences. Like I said before if you have to seek out an adrenaline rush to feel something; whether it's alive, aroused, or whatever, it says a LOT about you. When that thrill wears out, what's next, rape and torture. People have to keep ramping it up; like using drugs, one gets quickly accustomed to what they're taking and need larger and stronger doses just to feel okay.

What you are saying about me might apply if I only had one night stands. But, as I told you, I also have had long term relationships and periods of abstinence. So, you describing me as a foolish thrill seeker doesn't fit.

2. Responsibility - With everything you've said, you're making my point. One can know someone a lifetime and not really know the person but you just need about four hours and you're good to go. However, you make sure to add if they choose to be deceitful, well, it's not your fault so you're covered; free from blame; off the hook. How convenient. As long as you don't see the aftermath you can just assume all is well. Of course you don't know if you fathered some kids that are going hungry. In your world not knowing seems to be equivalent to non-existent.

Mystery is a part of life. I will never know everything. Even you are potentially qualified for a surprise from your past. It may not be an illegitimate child. But even those people who try to eliminate all risk and mystery get surprised sooner or later. That's life.

In my opinion, the very fact two people, strangers, are meeting each other for sex suggests that both of them have a lot to hide. No, we may not ever know every detail of the inner recesses of another person's mind but spending as little time with them as possible and never seeing them again assures not only that you will not get to know them but, more importantly, they won't ever get the chance to know you either. As I said before, a lot of people have trouble relating with and being in relationships with other people. Maybe they never learned to do it, they fail at it, and/or they so dislike themselves they don't want others to know them and feel about them the same way they feel about themselves. One of the most basic of human traits is bonding with others in our species. Those who can't do that know it and try to hide it along with all their many faults.

Once again, that shoe might fit me if I just had one night stands. But I periodically have relationships. So, I guess I am not afraid of letting someone get to know me.

Just because you are married, you don't want to socialize with anybody else other than your husband? I like to socialize also. Except I get to know someone better than you do. It is more interesting, exciting, educational and fulfilling for both of us than just conversing at a cocktail party for thirty minutes.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > What you are saying about me might apply if I only had one night stands. But, as I told you, I also have had long term relationships and periods of abstinence. So, you describing me as a foolish thrill seeker doesn't fit.

Something need not occur on an ongoing basis for it to be true or descriptive. For instance, someone who is a philanderer, or cheater, may not be at it every single day but it doesn't change the fact that's what they are. Someone who works at a profession doesn't cease to be whatever they are on their days off or while they're on vacation; even an extended one.

Mystery is a part of life. I will never know everything. Even you are potentially qualified for a surprise from your past. It may not be an illegitimate child. But even those people who try to eliminate all risk and mystery get surprised sooner or later. That's life.

Your words reveal so much. First, life, itself, is filled with risks and uncertainties. There's no escaping them but I think the people who try to run from them are the very ones who go for manufactured or unnecessary risks. They can't deal with the things that really scare them so they pursue dangerous situations that are empty in purpose. It's an attempt to prove to themselves and others that they're fearless and strong but instead it's their way of hiding their weaknesses; their inability to cope with daily life.

It's all an illusion because every day life brings new opportunities as well as new and different challenges. The same can be said of relationships. Neither of them are easy. They are ongoing, demanding, but both can be very fulfilling. It's like you see the people who can't cope with life's struggles; turning to drugs which is full of risks, but it's all in an attempt to run from the even bigger risks of just living life. It happens all the time. By making the choices they do they make life even harder for themselves by creating and living with secrets and lies.

These people don't seem to realize it is possible to live a life in which there are no skeletons in the closet that are looming and lurking on the horizon, threatening to jump out and catch us off guard. The truly heroic among us are the ones who can deal with life without attempting to escape. Having a one-night stand, as I've said before is a high risk, low reward activity so they only people who engage in it are the ones who, I feel, are incapable or feel unworthy of much else.

I get to know someone better than you do. It is more interesting, exciting, educational and fulfilling for both of us than just conversing at a cocktail party for thirty minutes.

Oh sure, I totally get that; you can get to know someone real well by rubbing genitals, penetrating them, and exchanging bodily fluids. Really? You must watch a lot of science fiction alien movies. They're always poking and gathering specimens in order to learn about us strange humans. That kind of getting to know each other may work in the animal kingdom but not in the human world. What do you learn by sleeping with someone? One can form a bond with someone you know through sex but a 'drive by' as you called the relationship in the movie and what I call a casual or one-night stand can only do that for the truly needy; people who don't know or are uncomfortable with any other way of interacting with or relating to people.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

Something need not occur on an ongoing basis for it to be true or descriptive. For instance, someone who is a philanderer, or cheater, may not be at it every single day but it doesn't change the fact that's what they are. Someone who works at a profession doesn't cease to be whatever they are on their days off or while they're on vacation; even an extended one.

an illegitimate child. But even those people who try to eliminate all risk and mystery get surprised sooner or later. That's life.

Your words reveal so much. First, life, itself, is filled with risks and uncertainties. There's no escaping them but I think the people who try to run from them are the very ones who go for manufactured or unnecessary risks. They can't deal with the things that really scare them so they pursue dangerous situations that are empty in purpose. It's an attempt to prove to themselves and others that they're fearless and strong but instead it's their way of hiding their weaknesses; their inability to cope with daily life.

It's all an illusion because every day life brings new opportunities as well as new and different challenges. The same can be said of relationships. Neither of them are easy. They are ongoing, demanding, but both can be very fulfilling. It's like you see the people who can't cope with life's struggles; turning to drugs which is full of risks, but it's all in an attempt to run from the even bigger risks of just living life. It happens all the time. By making the choices they do they make life even harder for themselves by creating and living with secrets and lies.

These people don't seem to realize it is possible to live a life in which there are no skeletons in the closet that are looming and lurking on the horizon, threatening to jump out and catch us off guard. The truly heroic among us are the ones who can deal with life without attempting to escape. Having a one-night stand, as I've said before is a high risk, low reward activity so they only people who engage in it are the ones who, I feel, are incapable or feel unworthy of much else.

before is a high risk, low reward activity so they only people who engage in it are the ones who, I feel, are incapable or feel unworthy of much else.

Oh sure, I totally get that; you can get to know someone real well by rubbing genitals, penetrating them, and exchanging bodily fluids. Really? You must watch a lot of science fiction alien movies. They're always poking and gathering specimens in order to learn about us strange humans. That kind of getting to know each other may work in the animal kingdom but not in the human world. What do you learn by sleeping with someone? One can form a bond with someone you know through sex but a 'drive by' as you called the relationship in the movie and what I call a casual or one-night stand can only do that for the truly needy; people who don't know or are uncomfortable with any other way of interacting with or relating to people.

For someone who says they have never had a one night stand, you seem to think you know a lot about one night stands and casual sex. Why is that? Are you a psychologist or a psychiatrist? Did you study psychology in school? What makes you think you are such an expert?

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > For someone who says they have never had a one night stand, you seem to think you know a lot about one night stands and casual sex. Why is that? Are you a psychologist or a psychiatrist? Did you study psychology in school? What makes you think you are such an expert?

I never said I was an expert, I'm merely expressing my views on the topic we're discussing. Like many people who have a higher education, I have studied psychology but not as a profession. As I mentioned before, I have always just listened to people and tried to understand them. I draw conclusions based on what they say - or don't say. I'm usually not that far off the mark.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

I never said I was an expert, I'm merely expressing my views on the topic we're discussing. Like many people who have a higher education, I have studied psychology but not as a profession. As I mentioned before, I have always just listened to people and tried to understand them. I draw conclusions based on what they say - or don't say. I'm usually not that far off the mark.

You never said you were an expert. But you certainly act like you think you are --- telling me this and that as if you know me better than I know myself. And if you are so smart, why do you think talking with others only includes you schooling them on everything under the Sun, even things which you admitted you have no experience in? Do you know the value in listening? Do you actually think you know more than everybody else about everything?

I don't think you are stupid mdonln. I get the impression you are an impressive person with good morals, ethics, education and intentions. But nobody knows everything. And even the smart can learn something from the less intelligent. One reason smart people are smart is because they don't just talk --- they listen. And even though they maybe impressed with their own intelligence --- they know they don't know everything. The only difference between confidence and arrogance is humility.

A lesser person would have been offended. I wasn't. I thought it was kind of funny. Unlike you going on and on about casual sex, one night stands and my sex life, I listened for the most part. And what I heard was someone who immediately volunteered she knew little of said activities and never had engaged in them. But went on and on judging and criticizing those who do. In spite of talking to someone who knew more about them than she, you kept telling me what the big picture was. The fact that I had to repeat certain points over and over showed you weren't really paying attention. Instead you had some inner desire to rant and rave about things you admitted you knew very little about.

I hope you feel better now that you have gotten some of that off your chest. Maybe one day you could go back and re-read our conversation and maybe this time you could actually learn something.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

If I wanted to act like I knew everything wouldn't I have claimed I had first-hand experience in order to bolster my views? I can have opinions about things without engaging in them. I don't do drugs but I know how I feel on the subject. I also know enough about people who do drugs, have listened to the things they say led them into it, and have heard experts who study them. I don’t have to have done the research in order to formulate an opinion based on what I have observed.

I think it says a lot about you to think I'm judging or criticizing simply because I disagree with your views. For one thing, you think only people who have first-hand personal experience can understand it. I disagree. Since I was a child I’ve tried to learn from other people’s experiences as much as possible so I don’t repeat what I see as their mistakes. For instance, I don’t have to fall into a ditch to know how it feels and I don’t want to do it myself. If I see someone fall into a ditch, wouldn’t it make sense for me to bypass that ditch? What kind of fool falls right in after them; just to feel what it’s like? That’s silly. Also, am I supposed to say, 'oh wow, great, what a wonderful thing you do' when that's not how I feel?

You've said plenty of things about me you think are true and I’m sure you believe them to be but they’re not. I don't even bother correcting most of them. They’re your beliefs. I never understand people who are uncertain of their own thoughts; who are wishy-washy and negate everything that comes out of their own mouths.

Of course, I have confidence in myself and my own thoughts. Would I be discussing these things if I didn't think I had anything to contribute to the conversation? In school I was always the kid who raised my hand. Sure I could be wrong but I knew if I was wrong I’d at least know that and know I need to try something else. Other kids who sat on their hands may have known the answers but were too afraid to be wrong to speak up. Actually, it wasn’t fear of being wrong as much as it was fear of looking foolish if they were. The fact I am willing to state my opinions openly and honestly is proof I acknowledge I don’t know everything but am always trying to know more. And, if my intent was just to judge and criticize I could have simply done that and never responded at all. Those who judge usually don’t engage the people they judge in conversation.
As far as not listening, all I've done is 'listen' to (or read) what you've been saying. That's what led me to draw the conclusions I have. When we first began discussing the issue I didn't know what to think. I couldn’t figure out why, in your mind, saying goodbye was such a big deal. That was what made me respond in the first place - curiosity. What you said made no sense to me so I wanted to make sense of it.

Over time I formed an opinion - all based on the things you were saying and sometimes not saying. Like I said before that is how I think. It’s how I thought we all think but apparently not. If something seems odd I get curious and want to figure it out. Naturally, it will be to my satisfaction. It has to make sense to me. We’re different people. It’s like speaking two languages. Something may make perfectly good sense to you and not to me and vice versa.

You don't have to agree with my views but it doesn’t mean they’re wrong. I stand by what I’ve said. If I didn't think I was right I wouldn't have said what I did. This is kind of what I was referring to before. Dealing with other people is not as easy as copulating with them; anyone can do that.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

This post I am responding to is just a rambling pile of nonsense that has nothing to do with the issue of one night stands.

I can tell you, you have the right to your opinion but you don't know what you are talking about. And all the millions of people that enjoy one night stands and casual sex really don't care what you think. Especially after the they realize you don't know what you are talking about.

No one is trying to take away your right to an opinion. But your opinion will not be valid if you don't listen to others who are more qualified and experienced than you on said topics. You pontificating about your imagined moral authority is only going to make others roll their eyes and sigh or laugh when you open mouth.

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] jpkrunch 9 years ago

I guess it might be a Hollywood thing but who leaves a one night stand without saying goodbye?

When did that happen? She actually set his alarm to wake him up so she could say goodbye.

I would say my memory is not what it used to be. But I don't remember what my memory used to be.

[–] movieliker1 9 years ago

Well, it has been a while since I saw the movie and I rented it (I don't own it). But if I remember correctly, she woke up the first morning after her first one night stand and tried to steal away without having to see him. But, I believe the burglar alarm went off and she was forced to climb back in bed with him. I guess because she knew stealing away without saying goodbye was shameful. I believe she had gotten dressed so she climbed back in bed with her clothes on.

[–] jpkrunch 9 years ago

Ah, I tuned in and I guess that had already happened just before. How did he sleep through the burglar alarm? What I saw was her give a little goodbye speech and then realize he was still sleeping so she set off the alarm clock to wake him up so she could say goodbye. I was wondering why she was fully clothed!

I would say my memory is not what it used to be. But I don't remember what my memory used to be.

[–] movieliker1 9 years ago

If I remember correctly, he did wake up eventually as she nervously and aggravatedly laid there. He then climbed over her, turned off the alarm, climbed back over her and went back to sleep. All in a sleep walking state.

She realized she couldn't leave without his help which only made her more aggravated.

[–] adouthit-1 9 years ago

Gee a whole 4 hrs huh? Does waiting 4 hrs make it seem less tacky to you? And how do you make love (your words) to someone you don't know?

[–] movieliker1 9 years ago

Sure, spending four or more hours (I did say at least four hours) allows us to get to know each other better than if --- as you seem to be suggesting --- less than four hours with each other. Regardless, I can love another human being without knowing them for days, weeks, months or years.

As a red blooded male with a strong sex drive, I find some women beautiful and sexy. And I love that they are beautiful and sexy. Couple that with a good --- or great personality and I can easily make love to them.

Talking with women, the mindset is the same with them. In the past, I have made love to women I have known less than four hours. And seemingly, they have enjoyed it also.

I have been in long term relationships. And I have also been in love. I know it is totally different and usually better than casual sex. But there is no reason one can't enjoy both (not at the same time of course).

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

Do you realize this is an exact copy of your previous comments? Are you a robot? By the way, I'm not speaking to the masses; I'm speaking to you. What I 'know' about you comes from what you say and to some extent how you say what you say; that's the only thing I have to go by. Naturally, it is all filtered through my own views and perceptions but the more you say the more I wonder how much you really know yourself.

No, I'm not claiming I know you better than you know yourself. My point is you don't seem to have a clear stance on this topic, yet you keep defending it. I don't know if it goes beyond this particular topic but I get the sense from our conversations that your views tend to get more diluted over time. That's just my opinion; how I see it.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

Do you realize this is an exact copy of your previous comments? Are you a robot?

Another apology. I keep windows open on my smartphone. Sometimes they open up unexpectedly. And sometimes when I am busy, I mistakenly push the back button, instead of pushing the main screen button. When I push the back button on a posted post, it goes back to the "Post Comment" screen. I never push post. But sometimes it double post anyway. Sorry.

By the way, I'm not speaking to the masses; I'm speaking to you. What I 'know' about you comes from what you say and to some extent how you say what you say; that's the only thing I have to go by. Naturally, it is all filtered through my own views and perceptions but the more you say the more I wonder how much you really know yourself.

I think this is another example of me thinking you have jumped to incorrect assumptions of me and my lifestyle.

No, I'm not claiming I know you better than you know yourself. My point is you don't seem to have a clear stance on this topic, yet you keep defending it. I don't know if it goes beyond this particular topic but I get the sense from our conversations that your views tend to get more diluted over time. That's just my opinion; how I see it.

No, I am not changing my positions. And they are not evolving or becoming diluted.

If you think you have any examples of me changing my position, please point them out.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > I am not changing my positions. And they are not evolving or becoming diluted. If you think you have any examples of me changing my position, please point them out.

It's not so much that you changed your position as much as, I feel, you keep adding to it. I initially responded because you said it was rude for the person to slip away without saying goodbye. I thought this was crazy. If you both know it's a one-night stand than why the formalities of a goodbye. It's not like you were ever planning to see each other; at least not in that way, again.

Maybe I misunderstand what a one-night stand is but you seemed to agree in your original post by saying the following:

On a true one night stand, she will either leave after we finish or the next morning after we wake up. They always say at least, "It has been a pleasure meeting you. I had fun thanks. I have to go now". I have never had a one night stand sneak out without saying goodbye.

I'm confused, it's casual but you remain in contact, calling them later. Why is sneaking off so bad? Couldn't you just wait a couple of days to get your evaluation? I thought we were specifically talking about one-night stands but then you seem to be talking about a casual sexual relationship. I didn't think they were the same. In either case I don't know why you would care. I thought you started off saying the intention was never to see that person again (other than possibly accidentally running into them); that's why you made the point of saying you spent up to four hours together first.

I seriously don't get any of it but, then again, I don't need to know the rules of that lifestyle. I'm not in it and don't ever plan to be. What I was trying to understand is why saying goodbye would matter so much.

That's what led me to my conclude - okay, maybe you thought the sex would have blown their mind and they would have wanted to stick around for more or at least long enough to give you a proverbial gold star. When that does not happen, I think it hurts your feelings. If you really did try to make it good for them and they don't acknowledge, it must mean (or at least it must mean to you) that they feel they can go on living without ever having that experience again. It's like saying YOU don't matter. Bummer! It must hit a raw nerve but it's so much easier to say they’re rude for not having said goodbye than to admit you’re upset over the element of rejection.

There’s no charge for the psychoanalysis. It's gratis and you are welcome!

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

It's not so much that you changed your position as much as, I feel, you keep adding to it. I initially responded because you said it was rude for the person to slip away without saying goodbye. I thought this was crazy. If you both know it's a one-night stand than why the formalities of a goodbye. It's not like you were ever planning to see each other; at least not in that way, again.

So what? It was a one night stand. So, there are still social obligations involved. And the social obligations are more involved because the social event was more involved.

I'm confused, it's casual but you remain in contact, calling them later. Why is sneaking off so bad? Couldn't you just wait a couple of days to get your evaluation? I thought we were specifically talking about one-night stands but then you seem to be talking about a casual sexual relationship. I didn't think they were the same. In either case I don't know why you would care. I thought you started off saying the intention was never to see that person again (other than possibly accidentally running into them); that's why you made the point of saying you spent up to four hours together first.

It is a one night stand because we meet and have sex all in one night. Casual sex refers to having sex with an acquaintance with whom there is no obligation to become a monogamous couple. Casual sex usually refers to two people who already have a non-sexual relationship that later includes sex. One night stand usually refers to one night only. Usually between two people who probably won't see each other again.

When I describe a one night stand I usually have, it is defined by the time it takes to go from first meeting the female and having sex with them. Not the duration of any resulting relationship.

Casual sex would be between me and an acquaintance with whom I already have a non-sexual relationship. But also eventually includes sex. But there would not be any obligation to become romantic or monogamous.

I seriously don't get any of it but . . .

Yes, but I do. So, try to listen and learn.

That's what led me to my conclude - okay, maybe you thought the sex would have blown their mind and they would have wanted to stick around for more or at least long enough to give you a proverbial gold star. When that does not happen, I think it hurts your feelings. If you really did try to make it good for them and they don't acknowledge, it must mean (or at least it must mean to you) that they feel they can go on living without ever having that experience again. It's like saying YOU don't matter. Bummer! It must hit a raw nerve but it's so much easier to say they’re rude for not having said goodbye than to admit you’re upset over the element of rejection.

That is not it at all. If you meet somebody new and you two enjoy each other's company (regardless of how intimate it becomes) there is a social obligation to acknowledge the time spent together. If people are expected to be polite and considerate after having dinner together, it is only furthering the logic to expect the same courtesy after a one night stand.

I don't classify what happened in that movie as a one night stand. I would call that a "drive by shooting" !!!

There’s no charge for the psychoanalysis. It's gratis and you are welcome!

If trying to psychoanalize me helps you understand what I am trying to teach you, by all means, continue. I wasn't going to charge you either!

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > So what? It was a one night stand. So, there are still social obligations involved. And the social obligations are more involved because the social event was more involved.

Yeah, I get it; for you it may sound like what you're saying makes sense but to me it's like saying social obligations still apply in all situations. If a bank teller, for instance, is being robbed, would she still be expected to say, 'thank you for coming; please come again; have a nice day...'? No!!!

I find the one-night stand to be as diametrically opposed to societal norms as robbing a bank. Yes, it's something people do but, at least from my point of view, it's outside the realm of what is normal and decent in most societies.

Movies are made about bank robberies and other socially destructive behaviors like murder, adulteress affairs, etc. sometimes in sympathetic or glamorized ways. In the same way movies are made about one-night stands, like this movie, but that does not elevate the behavior to something socially desirable, positive, or even neutral.

Yes, but I do. So, try to listen and learn.

I'm fascinated by and eager to talk to people who think differently than I do. I usually find it more interesting than talking to people who share my views. I try to understand the logic behind someone's thoughts; try to make sense of why they think the way they do, but it's not like I'm trying to learn from them or trying to be like them. Having an open-mind does not mean I'm susceptible to adopting other people's odd ideas.

That is not it at all. If you meet somebody new and you two enjoy each other's company (regardless of how intimate it becomes) there is a social obligation to acknowledge the time spent together. If people are expected to be polite and considerate after having dinner together, it is only furthering the logic to expect the same courtesy after a one night stand.

Yeah, if you cooked or even hosted that dinner you'd love to hear them rave about how good the meal; the whole experience was but if they say nothing, you know what it means so you get offended. They know the societal conventions too so wouldn't it be kinder to make a quick, quiet, inconspicuous exit than to tell someone to their face what you know they don't want to hear or have an awkward silence or uncomfortable, forced conversation?

I don't classify what happened in that movie as a one night stand. I would call that a "drive by shooting" !!!

At this point, I don't remember too much about the movie except that I did not like it and it was about strangers who have a one-night stand then end up having to spend more time together than they had planned. I find it odd that you would now say it wasn't about a one-night stand when that's basically what you have been describing all along.

If trying to psychoanalize me helps you understand what I am trying to teach you, by all means, continue. I wasn't going to charge you either!

I never set out to psychoanalyze anyone; that's just how my mind works. I take disparate pieces of information and try to make sense of them; in other words, I bring order to chaos. Yes, it does help me understand you. I feel I get it now. I don't know what you think you have to teach me. Like I said before, I'm not trying to get into that lifestyle; I've only been trying to make sense of what, to me, makes no sense at all.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

Yeah, I get it; for you it may sound like what you're saying makes sense but to me it's like saying social obligations still apply in all situations. If a bank teller, for instance, is being robbed, would she still be expected to say, 'thank you for coming; please come again; have a nice day...'? No!!!

I find the one-night stand to be as diametrically opposed to societal norms as robbing a bank. Yes, it's something people do but, at least from my point of view, it's outside the realm of what is normal and decent in most societies.

Movies are made about bank robberies and other socially destructive behaviors like murder, adulteress affairs, etc. sometimes in sympathetic or glamorized ways. In the same way movies are made about one-night stands, like this movie, but that does not elevate the behavior to something socially desirable, positive, or even neutral.

That is another bad analogy. People like having one night stands. Nobody likes getting robbed. Robbing a bank is illegal. Having a one night stand is not.

I don't approve of what those kids did in that movie. And I don't do those type of things.

I'm fascinated by and eager to talk to people who think differently than I do. I usually find it more interesting than talking to people who share my views. I try to understand the logic behind someone's thoughts; try to make sense of why they think the way they do, but it's not like I'm trying to learn from them or trying to be like them. Having an open-mind does not mean I'm susceptible to adopting other people's odd ideas.

Of course. I was only being facetious. Please don't be offended.

Yeah, if you cooked or even hosted that dinner you'd love to hear them rave about how good the meal; the whole experience was but if they say nothing, you know what it means so you get offended. They know the societal conventions too so wouldn't it be kinder to make a quick, quiet, inconspicuous exit than to tell someone to their face what you know they don't want to hear or have an awkward silence or uncomfortable, forced conversation?

That may very well be a difference between you and me. If I went to someone's house and they went through the trouble to prepare me a meal, even if it was not good, I would still thank them for their trouble and the invitation. I would never leave without thanking them. I may even tell them the meal was delicious if I thought that would make them feel good and spare them hurt feelings.

I never set out to psychoanalyze anyone; that's just how my mind works. I take disparate pieces of information and try to make sense of them; in other words, I bring order to chaos. Yes, it does help me understand you. I feel I get it now. I don't know what you think you have to teach me. Like I said before, I'm not trying to get into that lifestyle; I've only been trying to make sense of what, to me, makes no sense at all.

I think it is good that you try and understand people. We are a social species. Understanding others can be very beneficial.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

1. The bank robbery analogy is to point out that one does not tend to keep up social conventions in uncomfortable, scary, or unfamiliar situations. The last thing most people are thinking about are how to exchange niceties.

2. Some people think they like all sorts of things but really they often don't know why they do the things they do. They do them out of habit or to fulfill some, often unknown, need in the only way they know how. In the case of one-night stands they want to feel close to someone but realize they don't have much to give; other than the use of their sexual organs.

3. I wasn't offended; just setting you straight. People have a right to their opinions - however wrong they may be.

4. I never have to sneak out the back because I don't put myself in situations in which I would feel ashamed. If I'm willing to dine with someone I'm willing to be honest with them. If I didn't like the food, it may not be my taste but it may have suited others. If they ask me outright I will be honest and say how I feel. Naturally, I would thank them for the experience, their effort, the invitation etc but then again, I don't make it a habit of spending time with people I've already decided I don't want to know. If that's the case, I make my apologies and leave long before the dinner or I decline the invitation when I got it.

Your women friends may think something is a great idea going in then feel totally differently after the fact. They sneak away unable to face what they've done or with whom they've done it but mostly not to face themselves. I still think there's also a realization they risked a lot only to find the payoff wasn't worth even half the risk. The walk of shame is called that for a reason, and it's not just the inappropriateness of the attire for that time of day.

I think it is good that you try and understand people. We are a social species. Understanding others can be very beneficial.

5. Yes, we are a social species; that's why I find it hard to understand this 'disposable' attitude towards and treatment of other people. I don't understand it from either side but especially not from the woman's point of view. All the risks are greater and the 'rewards', if one can say there are any, are few. I think some people are just destructive; possibly due to some self-hatred or feelings of inadequacy. That's how I see it.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

1. The bank robbery analogy is to point out that one does not tend to keep up social conventions in uncomfortable, scary, or unfamiliar situations. The last thing most people are thinking about are how to exchange niceties.

Maybe that is why the girl in the movie was trying to leave without saying goodbye. But fortunately, that has never happened to me.

2. Some people think they like all sorts of things but really they often don't know why they do the things they do. They do them out of habit or to fulfill some, often unknown, need in the only way they know how. In the case of one-night stands they want to feel close to someone but realize they don't have much to give; other than the use of their sexual organs.

Maybe that happens to other people. But that has never happened to me.

3. I wasn't offended;

That's good.

4. I never have to sneak out the back because I don't put myself in situations in which I would feel ashamed. If I'm willing to dine with someone I'm willing to be honest with them. If I didn't like the food, it may not be my taste but it may have suited others. If they ask me outright I will be honest and say how I feel. Naturally, I would thank them for the experience, their effort, the invitation etc but then again, I don't make it a habit of spending time with people I've already decided I don't want to know. If that's the case, I make my apologies and leave long before the dinner or I decline the invitation when I got it.

I never have to sneak out of the back because I am never ashamed. And thankfully, I have never had a woman sneak out on me.

Your women friends may think something is a great idea going in then feel totally differently after the fact. They sneak away unable to face what they've done or with whom they've done it but mostly not to face themselves. I still think there's also a realization they risked a lot only to find the payoff wasn't worth even half the risk. The walk of shame is called that for a reason, and it's not just the inappropriateness of the attire for that time of day.

My women friends don't sneak out the back and they never leave without saying goodbye. And many of them come back again and again.

5. Yes, we are a social species; that's why I find it hard to understand this 'disposable' attitude towards and treatment of other people. I don't understand it from either side but especially not from the woman's point of view. All the risks are greater and the 'rewards', if one can say there are any, are few. I think some people are just destructive; possibly due to some self-hatred or feelings of inadequacy. That's how I see it.

I have been told by women that when they engage in casual sex it is because they like it and it feels good. And they sometimes like the guys they have casual sex with. But they are not interested in a relationship for various reasons --- the guy is not relationship material, they are too focused on their careers, they don't want to give up the single life, etc.

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > Maybe that is why the girl in the movie was trying to leave without saying goodbye. But fortunately, that has never happened to me.

It sounds like you need to write a book for all the one-night stand enthusiasts out there; educating them on the right way to go about it. You, unlike most, seem to have never had any problems; only wonderful, positive experiences with the most secure, self-assured people. I am finding all this very hard to believe especially since I don't believe those traits are easily found in the kind of people who engage in such activities.

Maybe that happens to other people. But that has never happened to me.

Again, I have a hard time believing that well-adjusted people living normal lives that they value do such risky things; things that put their lives and lifestyle in jeopardy - just for a sexual thrill. I'm not buying it.

I never have to sneak out of the back because I am never ashamed. And thankfully, I have never had a woman sneak out on me.

Never ashamed; that's interesting! Then again, some bank robbers don't wear masks and go around bragging about what they've done. They're either very foolish or too clueless to know any better. It's disturbing that people do shameful things but feel no shame or remorse. It doesn't surprise me in the least because it is, after all, a selfish act that involves using another person; even if it is with their consent.

My women friends don't sneak out the back and they never leave without saying goodbye. And many of them come back again and again.

See what I mean about things getting added on...? You're talking about one-night stands yet say they keep coming back. You are a most unusual sort but a one-night stand is exactly that otherwise I would think you'd refer to it as something else when the

I have been told by women that when they engage in casual sex it is because they like it and it feels good. And they sometimes like the guys they have casual sex with. But they are not interested in a relationship for various reasons --- the guy is not relationship material, they are too focused on their careers, they don't want to give up the single life, etc.

As I've said, a lot of people have no idea why they do the things they do. I think a lot of women have been sold on the idea that being like men which includes having casual sex represents liberation and independence. They've been sold a bag of goods by man-hating feminists and have yet to figure things out for themselves. It's a way of saying I don't need a man yet it's the ultimate in neediness. One has to be really needy to risk their safety to be with a total stranger someone they don't feel is good enough to be involved with. If their careers and the single life mean so much why take such risks and have to resort to being with an unknown entity? I keep saying it but if that is their idea of sexual fulfillment, they have deep-seated issues. Saying it 'feels good' with someone you don't know is particularly odd; you have no idea what it will feel like with a one-night stand partner and if it is a casual sex thing that's even more pathetic. At least pros get paid - not that I'm advocating that but they have to say it feels good; otherwise what's in it for them - just letting someone use you for nothing? So sad!

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

It sounds like you need to write a book for all the one-night stand enthusiasts out there; educating them on the right way to go about it. You, unlike most, seem to have never had any problems; only wonderful, positive experiences with the most secure, self-assured people. I am finding all this very hard to believe especially since I don't believe those traits are easily found in the kind of people who engage in such activities.

You know, I have actually considered that. I do counsel people unprofessionally on dating, relationships and sex. But I enjoy my anonymity. I guess I am afraid if I write a book, I would become famous and that would have a negative affect on my life.

Again, I have a hard time believing that well-adjusted people living normal lives that they value do such risky things; things that put their lives and lifestyle in jeopardy - just for a sexual thrill. I'm not buying it.

How would you know what kind of people engage in one night stands and casual sex? You said you don't participate and you don't engage in that lifestyle. How would you know? I, on the other hand, do engage and participate. So, I have first hand knowledge. I also studied Psychology in college. And it is an ongoing interest of mine.

Never ashamed; that's interesting! Then again, some bank robbers don't wear masks and go around bragging about what they've done. They're either very foolish or too clueless to know any better. It's disturbing that people do shameful things but feel no shame or remorse. It doesn't surprise me in the least because it is, after all, a selfish act that involves using another person; even if it is with their consent.

Bad analogy. Bank robbing is not a consensual act. One night stands and casual sex are.

See what I mean about things getting added on...? You're talking about one-night stands yet say they keep coming back. You are a most unusual sort but a one-night stand is exactly that otherwise I would think you'd refer to it as something else when the

That is what happens mdonln. I told you sometimes one night stands turn into relationships.

As I've said, a lot of people have no idea why they do the things they do. I think a lot of women have been sold on the idea that being like men which includes having casual sex represents liberation and independence. They've been sold a bag of goods by man-hating feminists and have yet to figure things out for themselves. It's a way of saying I don't need a man yet it's the ultimate in neediness. One has to be really needy to risk their safety to be with a total stranger someone they don't feel is good enough to be involved with. If their careers and the single life mean so much why take such risks and have to resort to being with an unknown entity? I keep saying it but if that is their idea of sexual fulfillment, they have deep-seated issues. Saying it 'feels good' with someone you don't know is particularly odd; you have no idea what it will feel like with a one-night stand partner and if it is a casual sex thing that's even more pathetic. At least pros get paid - not that I'm advocating that but they have to say it feels good; otherwise what's in it for them - just letting someone use you for nothing? So sad!

I really don't think you know what you are talking about. You said you have never had first hand experience.

It seems like you are just reacting out of anger and maybe jealously and envy. Maybe you are jealous you can't enjoy a more fulfilling social and sex life. I am not advocating you cheat on your husband and marriage. But, I know many people --- male and female --- that hold regret for never having a single life. That is why I always say, "Make sure you sow your wild oats before you get married. Because you can always get married after being single. But it is not usually effective or efficient to be single after you get married. Adultery and divorce are not easy enjoyable experiences for a reason".

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > You know, I have actually considered that. I do counsel people unprofessionally on dating, relationships and sex. But I enjoy my anonymity. I guess I am afraid if I write a book, I would become famous and that would have a negative affect on my life.

You're assuming your book would do well but, unlike movies and TV, I don't think most people are living that kind of lifestyle. You'd be famous within your own circles; the subset of people who think as you do. I'd think you'd welcome that kind of notoriety and attention. The type of women who want to have one-night stands and casual sex would know to seek you out.

How would you know what kind of people engage in one night stands and casual sex? You said you don't participate and you don't engage in that lifestyle. How would you know? I, on the other hand, do engage and participate. So, I have first hand knowledge. I also studied Psychology in college. And it is an ongoing interest of mine.

It's funny how you think I only know people who think and act like me. I've already said I'm always interested in talking to all sorts of people. I may not condone what they do and think they're misguided but it is their life to live. Unlike you I don't feel I have to have sex with people to know them. Granted, some people may be lying. I would have no way of knowing that but in my case my very life doesn't depend on it. Anyway, if someone lies about sleeping around casually they are probably just as disturbed as those who actually do. It's true, you may have first hand contact with the types who engage in such activities but it's like not seeing the forest for the trees. In the midst of something, you have a different, often skewed perspective.

Bad analogy. Bank robbing is not a consensual act. One night stands and casual sex are.

The analogy wasn't about consent; it was about someone not feeling shame because they don't have the good sense to realize what they're doing is shameful and wrong. I see you don't do well with analogies.

That is what happens mdonln. I told you sometimes one night stands turn into relationships.

What a lovely story to share when asked how you met. I bet the kids would love it!

Maybe you are jealous you can't enjoy a more fulfilling social and sex life.

Good one! It made me laugh a lot. Oh, you are too funny. I am not the jealous type but if I were to suddenly develop that trait I seriously doubt I'd be jealous of that. I'm still chuckling at the thought. Maybe you should try your hand at comedy instead.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

You're assuming your book would do well but, unlike movies and TV, I don't think most people are living that kind of lifestyle. You'd be famous within your own circles; the subset of people who think as you do. I'd think you'd welcome that kind of notoriety and attention. The type of women who want to have one-night stands and casual sex would know to seek you out.

No, I am not assuming my book would do well. I am wondering what affect it would have on me and my life "if" it did do well.

Self-help books do very well now. And now more than ever, more people are single, dating and sexually active.

I have more than enough female attention as it is. I don't need anymore.

It's funny how you think I only know people who think and act like me. I've already said I'm always interested in talking to all sorts of people. I may not condone what they do and think they're misguided but it is their life to live. Unlike you I don't feel I have to have sex with people to know them. Granted, some people may be lying. I would have no way of knowing that but in my case my very life doesn't depend on it. Anyway, if someone lies about sleeping around casually they are probably just as disturbed as those who actually do. It's true, you may have first hand contact with the types who engage in such activities but it's like not seeing the forest for the trees. In the midst of something, you have a different, often skewed perspective.

It is funny how you think you know more about being single, dating in the twenty-first century, casual sex, and one night stands than I do.

The analogy wasn't about consent; it was about someone not feeling shame because they don't have the good sense to realize what they're doing is shameful and wrong. I see you don't do well with analogies.

I do well with analogies. You just don't present them well.

What a lovely story to share when asked how you met. I bet the kids would love it!

You don't tell the kids about the sex mdonln. You only tell them how you first met. You don't know that? And you think you know a lot about psychology? Ha ha . . .

Good one! It made me laugh a lot. Oh, you are too funny. I am not the jealous type but if I were to suddenly develop that trait I seriously doubt I'd be jealous of that. I'm still chuckling at the thought. Maybe you should try your hand at comedy instead.

Something must be fueling your anger. Why else would you attack a group of people and their lifestyle? If jealously and envy aren't the reasons, what is your problem?

[–] mdonln 8 years ago

movieliker1 says > I have more than enough female attention as it is. I don't need anymore.

It doesn't compute. Having one-night stands and casual encounters means you would need and endless supply of anonymous people because eventually you will have gone through all the people you know. When you start repeating they're no longer one-night stands and casual relationships.

That's why I don't see it happening as much in small towns and communities. It's hard to be so casual when you know so much about everyone else. One or the other person might tend to get too involved.

It is funny how you think you know more about being single, dating in the twenty-first century, casual sex, and one night stands than I do.

You say that only because you equate being single with sleeping around. It's sad how you have no concept of any alternatives. It's actually very sad indeed. This is what popular culture has done to a lot of people.

You don't tell the kids about the sex mdonln. You only tell them how you first met. You don't know that? And you think you know a lot about psychology? Ha ha . . .

If you believe so much in your lifestyle, why not tell the kids or anyone else for that matter? I assume you'd raise them to believe that one-night stands are the way to go especially if that was how you met their mother. This is what I mean about the skeletons in the closet. I don't have anything to hide so I don't have to lie to people even by omission; especially those I love.

I didn't learn anything about lying in the Psychology classes I took. They were about how the mind works; not about how to be deceitful. I guess this bring up the issue of relationships again; the inability to have them long term and why it's easier for some people to be intimate with strangers.

Something must be fueling your anger. Why else would you attack a group of people and their lifestyle? If jealously and envy aren't the reasons, what is your problem?

Anger, problem? Where did that come from? You really do have a hard time reading and relating to people don't you? If you're reading anger into my words or attitude you really, really, really do need to spend a lot more time getting to know people in a vertical rather than a horizontal position. Maybe you're projecting your own feelings on to me. I think that was in Psych 101. Anyway, if that is the case, I'm sorry you're upset but I keep saying it. Dealing with other people is not the easiest thing in the world. You only get better at it by doing it; not 'doing it'; only then can you truly respect the fact we're not all the same and have a right not to be.

Maybe we've just beat this conversation to death. Is this where I say goodbye? I wouldn't want to get you made by sneaking away.

Woman, man! That's the way it should be Tarzan. [Tarzan and his mate]

[–] movieliker1 8 years ago

It doesn't compute. Having one-night stands and casual encounters means you would need and endless supply of anonymous people because eventually you will have gone through all the people you know. When you start repeating they're no longer one-night stands and casual relationships.

That's why I don't see it happening as much in small towns and communities. It's hard to be so casual when you know so much about everyone else. One or the other person might tend to get too involved.

It is funny how you think you know more about being single, dating in the twenty-first century, casual sex, and one night stands than I do.

You say that only because you equate being single with sleeping around. It's sad how you have no concept of any alternatives. It's actually very sad indeed. This is what popular culture has done to a lot of people.

This is another example of you not paying attention. I have addressed these issues multiple times already.

If you believe so much in your lifestyle, why not tell the kids or anyone else for that matter? I assume you'd raise them to believe that one-night stands are the way to go especially if that was how you met their mother. This is what I mean about the skeletons in the closet. I don't have anything to hide so I don't have to lie to people even by omission; especially those I love.

I didn't learn anything about lying in the Psychology classes I took. They were about how the mind works; not about how to be deceitful. I guess this bring up the issue of relationships again; the inability to have them long term and why it's easier for some people to be intimate with strangers.

Any teenage babysitter knows you don't tell children everything. They are too young and they can't handle it. Sex is one of those things. You not realizing this makes me question if you are really an adult.

Anger, problem? Where did that come from? You really do have a hard time reading and relating to people don't you? If you're reading anger into my words or attitude you really, really, really do need to spend a lot more time getting to know people in a vertical rather than a horizontal position. Maybe you're projecting your own feelings on to me. I think that was in Psych 101. Anyway, if that is the case, I'm sorry you're upset but I keep saying it. Dealing with other people is not the easiest thing in the world. You only get better at it by doing it; not 'doing it'; only then can you truly respect the fact we're not all the same and have a right not to be.

My family, friends and successful social life would prove your assumptions of me wrong. As long as you are happy, believe whatever you want. I enjoy a healthy sex life, loving family members and great friends. Since you say you have no experience being single, having sex with anyone other than your husband, casual sex or one night stands, you are not the authority you think you are. But, you are entitled to your opinion no matter how ridiculous it is.

Maybe we've just beat this conversation to death. Is this where I say goodbye? I wouldn't want to get you made by sneaking away.

This conversation was useless a long time ago. Good luck and God bless mdonln.