absolute crap


Clint: 1.2/5 stars, 3/10.
Carolyn: 1/5 stars, 3/10.
Native ratings: 3.1/5 stars Netflix, 4.3/10 IMDB.

Carolyn: This movie wasn't that good. It wasn't really that good to start with, and then it took a nosedive in the middle and there was no recovering from that. They didn't really do a good job of introducing the characters, or the premise of the movie. Callum Blue did a good job of being a douche, especially towards his assistant, Jenny. Worst boss ever! But that was it. (Clint still doesn't like him as much, and had a false memory of him playing Doomsday in Smallville, but no, he was Zod!)

Clint: So the gimmick was an interesting idea, and it was billed as a comedy. A comedy where somebody talks using only slogans from commercials. I was hoping for something with a kind of Dream On meets Liar Liar type vibe -- something nostalgic yet funny, with lots of references.

And while I did get lots of nostalgic references to various commercials I'd thought about, THAT WAS THE ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY. (Well, that and looking at Posey and MacDonald.)

I had thought this was one of those low-rated comedies, but once again, IT'S AM AMBUSH DRAMEDY. It's not a comedy at all. Some things that are occasionally funny happen. That's true in horrors, that's true in thrillers, that's true in documentaries, and it DOESN'T MAKE IT A *beep* COMEDY. Stop calling dramedies comedies. I should have researched this one more thoroughly. It was the perfect storm of me being tired of people underrating movies, and thus ignoring them when it counted the most. I apologize for blowing one of our alcohol-movie-watchings on this turd!

Back to Carolyn:

<spoilery rant> Then there's some dumb speech consisting of advertisements and Callum is left there with a profound look on his face, but there was nothing profound about any of it! Karen and her daughter have some love-hate relationship going on, and "oh, he saved me from being raped, so let's have a montage of a shopping 'daycation' or whatever the *beep* they called it." Oh so special! We'll have a touching moment talking about the death of the father, and then quickly we'll have some jokes about having sex with Adan and the advertisements that he would say in response.... and then we'll have some guitar playing! Yay! Then the daughter joins in and oh wow, what a great movie. NOT! This movie was awful. Oh, and what is the main point? That Lucas is going to take over the company and find Adan unfit to be CEO? And then that happens, and neither Adan nor Karen seem that bothered by it. It just didn't have any redeeming factors. I downgraded my rating overnight, and I still feel like downgrading it the more I think about it. I started at 2/5, 5/10, then this morning it became 1.6/5, 5/10, and now it's 1/5, 4/10.




-ClintJCL
http://clintjcl.wordpress.com/category/reviews/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/clintjcl

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Pretty easy to invalidate your entire review when you cite 'looking at' the actresses as a plus. Go watch some porn.

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Pretty easy to invalidate your entire opinion of everything in the universe if you think looks never matter.

-ClintJCL
http://clintjcl.wordpress.com/category/reviews/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/clintjcl

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What matters is subjective. Unless you are writing reviews of how attractive actors in films are, and not of the films themselves, the attractiveness of the actors is irrelevant.

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While what matters is subjective, what criteria that CAN matter is not. Seeing as an actor appears in the film and are part of it, their looks are part of the film is well. It may be irrelevant to you subjectively, but it is not irrelevant objectively. Somebody cares.

Personally, if you re-cast Castaway with someone who could act precisely as well as Tom Hanks, but looked like Devine (or simply insert someone really ugly here) ... I'd not like the film as much because of the visual assault.

-ClintJCL
http://clintjcl.wordpress.com/category/reviews/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/clintjcl

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