Ah yes, I was wondering if I had maybe rambled past your point. Well, I suppose there's different ways to approach pornography. You're quite right, actually having to talk to the person puts you in a very different position than if you watch a recorded session at home, but I think if you've done it yourself or if you're in any way familiar with the surrounding process, you look at it with that in mind. I for one don't ever forget that there's safewords and discussions of boundaries and so on—in a way, I guess I don't just see the fantasy itself, but watch it as if I was in that session. Sort of fantasizing about acting out a fantasy, if that makes sense.
Well, that's how I approach it anyway, and I think the more experience you have with it, the less you can only see the fantasy part. I can obviously only speak for myself and maybe make an educated guess about the people I know, but I can't imagine anyone who has ever dabbled in BDSM not thinking about how they'd like to try a certain setup or how they would have done something differently and all that while watching a session. I suppose it's not unlike working in or being interest in the making of films, where you can't help but paying more attention to the acting, camera angles, etc. and not just getting lost in the story.
Anyway, that's what I think it's like for the people who this porn is made for, so that in my eyes legitimizes it's existence right there, because to them it is a source of pleasure that comes from this positive place that I was talking about in my previous post. But of course anybody can get their hands on it and watch it if they like, and I know these kinds of guys you're talking about myself. Not a big fan of them either.
But before I get into that, I just realized we might need to get this out of the way: I'm pretty much assuming we're talking about the good kind of porn the whole time, the kind that's done responsibly and with the care this kinda thing demands. I mean, there sure is some vile *beep* out there that actually seems to be made by the kind of people you're talking about, that seems to only use the fetish as an excuse to abuse women. I seriously hate that stuff, but while I'd love if it didn't exist and didn't give those kinda guys the satisfaction, I don't think they would be different people if it didn't. I mean, there's a lot of terrible things going on in the world, but you don't look at them and think, "Hey, that's cool, I wanna be like that too!" if you weren't actually like that all along. Sure, they might use it as an excuse ("But moooooom, they're doing it too!"), but at their core they've always been awful people, otherwise they'd say, "No, this is wrong." like any other normal person, no?
I don't know if that last part actually holds up, I just find this kinda thing terribly upsetting.
Anyway, to answer your question: I'm mostly talking about sexual fantasies that get a pass. The media definitely has certain responsibilities, but if done right and with the proper care, I think it's all right because it caters to those fantasies. I suppose that's why I keep coming back to kink.com and why I'm excited about this film, because I really feel like they're doing this the way it should be done. For one, it's nice to see that they do their best to provide content for any number of fetishes and orientations, not just the classic Male Dom/Fem Sub thing, but most importantly, they emphasize the safety aspect and talk about boundaries and what the performer would like to try in the preceding interviews, and they actually care for them. For example, I was very impressed by a scene once that was interrupted because the girl that was whipped was crying pretty hard, even though she said before that she liked to cry and they shouldn't pay any attention to it. So, safewords and signals in place, permission to ignore the rest, and they still stopped mid-shoot to make sure she really was ok. That's the kinda stuff I want to see. And I guess that's also why I don't mind that ad thing that much, if the film inspires people to look into BDSM they'll be in good hands there.
But still, you're right, even if it's done right and the target audience knows how to approach it, it still doesn't exist in a vacuum. But I believe that this is the part where the viewer has to make an effort to understand what he's looking at. As I said, I hope this film will do its part to educate people a little about this subculture and this kind of porn, but I doubt it will reach too many people.
And now, two paragraphs later, to actually answer your question: Humor is sort of similar in the way that it's fine—whatever kind it is—when done behind closed doors. I actually do believe that when it comes to humor, anything goes, but what's not ok is to ignore the effect it might have on other people or to use it as an excuse to be an *beep* I think any joke, be it racist, misogynistic, gay or whatever, can be really funny, but only when they're made by people who a) understand what it is they're joking about and at least have an idea of the hardship the targeted people go through, b) aren't actually racist, etc. and just pretend to joke to not take responsibility for what they're saying, and c) don't make the jokes in front of people where they don't know for sure whether it might be triggering for them. I think in the second episode of Louie they talk about how his use of the word fa-got is funny because he's making it perfectly clear that he's joking and that homophobia is a *beep* thing, but that he has to keep in mind that probably most effeminate males have at some point had the word yelled at them, possibly while they were beaten up, and that they were reminded of those times whenever they heard it. So I guess what I'm saying is, humor is ok as long as it isn't hurting anyone, and that's something it has in common with sexual fantasies too. Just be careful, responsible, kind, and respectful and you'll be fine. That's sort of my basic principle for everything.