I Was Really Confused


I'm not sure what planet I've been living on. I was watching this show and got confused, I couldn't tell who was supposed to be darkskinned (and therefore somehow ugly) and who was supposed to be lightskinned. I couldn't tell who was supposed to be ugly. The pretty little girl in the first scene. She thinks she's ugly?? WTF??? Her color is an issue??? Before she spoke, the first thought I had was what a beautiful little girl and then the second thought was I wish I had that beautiful smooth clear skin. Oh how I wish I had seen her on the street, because I would have blurted that out she's such a pretty little thing. As pretty as she is, I hope adults are blurting that out every single day to her.

As I was watching the girl who was describing someone (I didn't catch it was her mother at first) saying how her daughter had those great cheek bones and beautiful skin, I was thinking, why you have all those qualities and then I realized she was talking about her mom describing her only to say at the very end if only she were lighter so it would show.

Oh brother.

The woman with the shaved head. The only thought I had for her was a little makeup to smooth out her skintone (not her color - meaning to even out or cover dark blotches leftover from acne scars) - nothing wrong with using a little bit of makeup to even tone or enhance one's eyes. Saying she looked like Jones (Grace) was a compliment (and she thought so, too, until someone saw fit to tell her she was ugly).

Jezzus Christ.

And then actress, Viola Davis - the first time I saw her I got a female crush (not gay, but thought if I was going to be turned, she would do it). She had a small part in a movie called "Solaris" and her performance blew me out of the water. Everything about her elevates any movie she's in. She's one of those actors that you make you see a movie just because they are in it and even if the movie is crap you know they are going to be good. And she's sitting there telling us someone (her family) told her she was ugly??? She gorgeous, just everything. Her skin, the smoothness, her full lips, her voice, the way she speaks, her carriage, her bearing. She absolutely stunning.

Man I hope she knows that. I mean really really knows that. I hope she looks in the mirror every now and then and says to herself, "Damn I'm hot, I'm the total package."

This world is crazy, crazy, crazy.

I loved when the woman said, black men who say they don't want a black woman, need to look at their momma and their daughter, because they are going give birth to a black woman.

Think about that sh*t.

Most of the world is brown and people everywhere are bleaching themselves???

We need to flip that script.

The part about the centuries of hatred and treatment of us as a people, the energy of it becoming part of our DNA, that blew me out of the water. Studies show that how we think can make a difference in our health, well-being how we do in life.

Little black children thinking they are dumb. How will they test on an IQ test? How will they proceed in life, if that's what they believe?

It's got to start at home.

No more name-calling.

No more screaming at our kids, "Get your litte......back in the house!" No more, "Shut up and sit down, the grown folks are talking." They have to learn to speak up in the world. They have to be spoken to, and listened to, and talk how to epxress themselves, and be allowed to, and talked to, and read to, and taken to places like restuarants, and zoos, and museums and shown things. All free or minimal costs. It costs nothing to talk to your kids. To sit down and have a conversation.

No more, "Your hair is so......I hate combing it." Pass down a love of education, not a hatred of your own skin color.

I grew up with very high self- esteem. I don't even understand low self-esteem or even allowing someone in my space to mess with my karma. You revolve yourself into my personal space to ruin my day, I tell you to kiss my a** or I smile a most beautiful and stunning smile while I stare back at you and think to myself, what an a**hole. Believe me you will slink away and take your crap elsewhere.

I am my own critic. I don't need someone else's opinion of who and what I am.

Teach your kids that. Its a mean world out there. And if you are not being called names because of your skin color, someone is making fun of your orientation, or your weight, or your acne, or your name, or your...whatever...so learn to think to yourself or say to the other person - just get out of my space because you are messing with my karma and I don't let anyone mess with my karma

Namaste

My random thoughts....




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"I loved when the woman said, black men who say they don't want a black woman, need to look at their momma and their daughter, because they are going give birth to a black woman. "


Exactly. It's a self hatred that is getting pushed onto women because that's the default. We got a problem? Na, It's the woman... she's a witch... b!tch...slut...crazy...etc. It's too easy for men to act like they are good, it's their women who have problems and completely distance themselves. It's a cop out. These men are pathetic. No woman should settle for a loser like that.

I cried when that sweet beautiful girl said the dark girl is dumb and ugly. I've seen that study done time and time again, and black girls largely feel this at young ages.

Something I always notice though with their mothers. They seem nice and all, but they always have straitened colored/bleached hair. How are their daughters supposed to feel beautiful when their moms spend all this time and money trying to not look like their daughters!? Where is she going to form respect for her own race if her mother and aunt and neighbor are all trying to look like a mixed race woman? It's bad enough that the media has forced black women to destroy their hair and skin in order to look like someone they aren't to be on tv/film/runway, but then the women in their community are doing the same thing. More women need to take pride in their hair texture and skin color. Work with it, not against it and you will see pride form in the generation of yours and the next ones. There is no real issue with dark skin or curly thick hair. The problem is how the culture defines it and we are our culture. We have the power to change it.

So yes, stop acting like race matters so much. Stop acting like one kind of hair is best. Don't get colored contacts and then be baffled that your daughter says her eye color is bad. Don't call your kid stupid, ever!

And while "the darker the berry the sweeter the juice" may get the effect you want for the moment, in making your daughter feel good as a dark skinned girl, you are just pitting her against light girls. Knock it off. Dark, light, medium..... all beautiful the way they/we are. The ugly is what is on the inside that causes people to hate and be cruel, to act superior to others. That's ugly. If you're little beautiful dark girl has to hate on the white girl, let it be because that particular white girl is a shallow rude troll under your daughter's bridge. Ignore the hater, and bask in the sunlight.

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I'm glad that the film wasn't afraid to delve into the territory of black love. All women, regardless of race, realize that to a large extent perceptions of beauty affect them in the dating marketplace. If the perceptions of beauty are so skewed that dark skinned women have fewer options for mating, in order to mate they will be forced to find ways to make themselves more palatable to potential suitors or they will just remain single and childless. And it's sad that so many women are resorting to lightening their skin, among other things, but that is their reality. I laughed out loud when the man suggested that the women lightened their skin because they wanted to be on TV. He seemed entirely clueless about the role that desirability played in the issue. Let's face it, men don't marry women who they think are ugly, and if so many black men (not all!) view dark-skinned women as ugly, then it will only add to the numerous reasons for our surplus of single high-achieving black women and single mothers out there--which is right in line with the long-touted 70% statistic.

I know plenty of black men who love and respect their dark sisters and dark mothers but who exclusively date light-skinned women. Why? Because they grow up revering dark-skinned women only as the stereotypical strong mother/mammy figure but not as desirable women or potential mates. The mother encouraging her sons to tell their sister she is a princess at the conclusion of the film won't really mean much if her sons grow up to exclusively date light-skinned women.

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