So.. I'm assuming sex addicts have sex. Usually when you're addicted to something and you want to get better you have to cut it out of your life completely. But, with sex addiction, do they still have sex with their significant other and just have to limit themselves to how many times? Or do they not have it at all. I'm sorry if this seems really clueless. I was just wondering...
share[deleted]
Not a stupid question at all.
As far as I'm aware (I'm not an expert or a sex addict) you cut out the unhealthy portion of your behaviour. Leaving you with healthy behaviour. So they stop watching porn, smelling girls hair on trains...etc. And just have what they decide is healthy or normal behaviour for them, sex with their husband/wife/partner etc.
It's similar with over eaters and anorexics. They refrain from "acting out" on their eating behaviour and just eat how they believe they should.
But it's definitely not as clear cut as quitting drink/drugs/gambling.
That's the thing, I hope they don't gloss over like 'oh I love sex so much I can't stop!' and more about the actual psychological/memory/emotional links. Sex addiction is a broad generic term, it's more of an emotional (or lack of) addiction.
shareThis is the same issue for workaholics (which I am). I still have to work - to put food on the table, keep a roof over our heads, etc., but when does it become unhealthy? When it's obsessive, inappropriate, etc. Behavioral addictions (as opposed to substance addictions) can be a bit more difficult to define, especially with our society's obsession with sex and productivity.
shareYou can read all about it at this website: www.sa.org
The thing to understand is that sexaddiction hurts and destroys peoples lifes.
Another thing to understand is that life without sex does not destroy ones life. For sexaddicts it even is a relief! Of course, most sexaddicts will rediscover 'good' sex with their own marriage-partner; most of them discover 'real sex' for the first time in their life.
well it is explained very well in that movie, Adam was a sex addict thinking abt it all the time with every girl he meets
while his gf was a sexual person as she said, she always wanted to have sex and be kinky but with her bf only.
"It is never about what happened, it is only how you look at it!"
I get the whole substance addiction vs. process addiction. The latter not being a clear black and white. There is a scene in the movie in which they recite their baseline of only having sex with a committed significant other AND also stay away from masturbation .... the last one is leaving me a bit puzzled though ... no one gets hurt during self service ... isn't it better to release the pressure in a healthy way than to seek another person to get it done with? Maybe there is still this stigma in the US that masturbation is evil?
shareI think there are many reasons: for Adam at least (and presumably others), masturbation often lead to other types of acting out (like when he was in the hotel and masturbated (with the use of porn) and then hired a prostitute. For Neil, I think they made it pretty clear that for him, masturbation/porn usage became compulsory--doing it distracted him and in many ways it kept him from having a real life and real relationships. I think the idea is probably that for most, they're learning how to have a healthy sexual relationship with another human being, and the problems they have are really more with intimacy than with sex. Masturbation doesn't help with that goal (working on your ability to have a healthy relationship) and likely hinders it. These are all just my theories/opinions--I have not consulted any study about it or spoken to a sex addict about it, but this is what makes sense to me.
Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flamethrower.
Nothing wrong with self service unless it is on your mind allot. Compulsive masturbation , like several times a day. It should not replace the desire to find a partner.
Looking at women as basically talking blow up dolls. Not even thinking about forming any kind of emotional bond. Only wanting sex.
Then it is never enough, you have two hook ups you want 4. All the while the thought of actually getting into a relationship with one of them and forming an actual healthy bond beyond sex never really enters your mind.
Yours is a good question! Someone recovering from sex addiction may still be sexually intimate with their spouse, but it is critical that they differentiate between love and lust. Often times this requires a period of sexual abstinence so that the addict can truly come to grips with his/her disease and pursue a regiment of treatment (e.g., a 12-step program/fellowship). Masturbation is not consistent with sexual sobriety and needs to be eliminated altogether. Sexual intimacy should ALWAYS be based on love. The addict discovers that love can be expressed in many ways that do not involve sex and makes a sincere effort to see his/her spouse more as a person versus a sex "object".
He who conquers himself is mightier than he who conquers a city.