Do you know anyone who's a virgin in their late 30's? - The Sessions (2012) Discussion

[–] summerishere77 11 years ago

One of my moms previous husbands (number 3) had a friend who was terribly shy around women, he was a virgin in his 40's. He eventually found a girlfriend a few years later.

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[–] MrCharmingMan 11 years ago

good for him! at least he over came his fear. some of these guys never do. its like WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR times ticking TICK TICK TICK BOOM!

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[–] pudge2483 10 years ago

I know two good looking females who are virgins. They are in their early 30's and they are very shy. They grew up in a very conservative house. As of late they have started to go out more. As far as males...no.

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[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

Yeah females if they grew up in a strict conservative household could go either way.

Some turn out all prude like the girls you mentioned and some have a total reverse affect where they become the biggest sluts in the world.

But like you said you don't know any males in their late 30's who are V's and usually when they are they are unstable and have issues galore, hence why most serial killers were virgins who still live with their parents statistically.

I made a similar thread in the 40 Year Old Virgin page and ton of real life 40 year old virgins attacked me lol.

Read it if you want:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0405422/board/thread/221088699?d=221181512#221181512

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[–] lightblue47 10 years ago

I'm one of those girls haha.

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[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

streets_behind,

Hey thanks for the reply. I think this guy does have some mental health issues but it's not like he had a bad life or went through traumatic experiences. He was quite an Alpha Male, douche bag all his childhood. I wont say he was a bully but he was definitely aggressive and always wanted things done his way or he would throw fits.

I think if anything the best word to describe him would be a "diva"?

But as we all hit our teen years we all chased girls and went on dates and made out, went to 2nd base, 3rd base, home runs!. But he never did. He would go for girls who were totally out of his league and either get shot down or just get used as the "friend zone" guy.

Then it seemed when everyone was going to prom he would make weak excuses why he wasn't going.

Then when everyone was leaving home to go to college, all he would do is make excuses why he had to stay home.

This went on and on until the late 20's and now he's in his late 30's.

His parents totally spoil him and let him be a total spoiled brat diva. I do think his parents are partially to blame for not pressuring him to move out or at least get a real job or go out and meet chicks.

You say you wouldn't give up on him, but what can you think of or do to help improve him?

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[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

No he's definitely not gay he lusts for women he has playboys and pornos laying around his bedroom he just has some sort of false arrogance and goes for girls out of his league like tall blonde bombshells who usually date like rockstars or wealthy business man not losers who still live with their parents like him. What he has to do is date girls more his speed and on his level that way he might actually have a chance, but he thinks he's brad pitt or something for whatever reason and he looks nothing like brad pitt nor does he have any sense of success or even accomplishment.

But what would you suggest for him to improve his situation?

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[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

Streets_behind ,

Well you need to know the over all picture with him to better understand or try to formulate a way to help him improve. So you now think he's too unpleasant and thats one of the reasons why he never has a girl and is still a virgin? But what can we do to help him??? Are you really giving up and just saying its out of your league and its a lost cause?

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[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

Its not so much I want him to finally have sex. Its more so i want him to improve his over all situation and life.

My theory would probably be if he finally moved out of the house he would be alone and then realize hey i dont want to be alone i want to have a girlfriend to spend my free time with and the girlfriend would motivate him to get a real job, his own place, and just to improve his over all life.

It appears when you are still living at home in your late 30's you are still holding on to everything and you have a security that has everything covered. The big problem is what happens when his parents die? He is totally screwed!

So yeah it seems if a girl gave him a chance it seems that would really turn his life around? What do you think?

I mean seriously even if a girl were to want to have sex with him what would he do? Its not like he can bring her back to his house since his parents live there right? He should get his own apartment and start living on his own life that would be a start. What do you think?

By the way thanks for taking the time to discuss this with me you seem like a real genuine person is that you in your avi pic?

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[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

Its not so much I want him to finally have sex. Its more so i want him to improve his over all situation and life.

My theory would probably be if he finally moved out of the house he would be alone and then realize hey i dont want to be alone i want to have a girlfriend to spend my free time with and the girlfriend would motivate him to get a real job, his own place, and just to improve his over all life.

It appears when you are still living at home in your late 30's you are still holding on to everything and you have a security that has everything covered. The big problem is what happens when his parents die? He is totally screwed!

So yeah it seems if a girl gave him a chance it seems that would really turn his life around? What do you think?

I mean seriously even if a girl were to want to have sex with him what would he do? Its not like he can bring her back to his house since his parents live there right? He should get his own apartment and start living on his own life that would be a start. What do you think?

By the way thanks for taking the time to discuss this with me you seem like a real genuine person is that you in your avi pic?

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[–] Ithilfaen 10 years ago

My question is what do you think is the reason why these guys are the way they are?

So basically you want us to do the same you're doing and just go with every pop psychology cliché and generalization we ever heard in movies and on tv and... make a judgement call?

How about everyone's situation is different and you can't make general assumptions about anyone? I know girls who are virgins in their 30ies too. They're not religious, they're not weirdos, they're not ugly. Life is different for everyone. If you think people who are getting passed out drunk every week and hooking up randomly or having sex withing meaningless relationships are better off, I'd say you are the one with the problem.

For every lie I unlearn I learn something new - Ani Difranco

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[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

lthilfaen,

who said to go out every night and get drunk and sleep around? seems like you are putting words in people's mouths?

let me guess you are a virgin still huh? and you just like everyone else who attacked me is trying to twist it around at me by saying theres nothing wrong with all you virgins but theres something wrong with us normal folks who aren't?

its so transparent. if you actually read what the point of this thread was i sincerely wanted to help the guy out and think of ways to improve his situation. so are you saying i should not then?

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[–] shrilltrills 10 years ago

let me guess you are a virgin still huh? and you just like everyone else who attacked me is trying to twist it around at me by saying theres nothing wrong with all you virgins but theres something wrong with us normal folks who aren't?

This right here shows your hypocrisy. "Normal folks who aren't" - seriously? As if someone can't be normal and be a virgin. Guess what? Some of us need to be in love to have sex, and not everyone finds that before the age of 25. And yes, I am a 29 year old virgin and not one bit ashamed. I'm smart, successful, have plenty of friends, and just haven't met the right guy yet. And when I do, he won't be some narrow minded jerk so assumes there is something wrong with me just because I haven't had sex yet.

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! - Eric Cartman

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[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

@shrilltrills

hey thats perfectly fine that you are a 29 year old virgin it seems that you do have your life in order and your priorities straight. in all honesty I could never do that but thats just me. i know i have some major urges and needs and I couldn't even make it out of my teens before losing my virginity.

I also wanted to wait until I was in love, but the problem was all the girls in my high school and in my area were total drama and I couldn't have a real serious relationship with any of them just cause we already knew everyones past baggage and what not. So it wasn't until I realized hey I can date girls from other schools and other areas that I realized I was no longer limited.

I again wanted to wait until I was in love but I was totally infatuated with this one gorgeous girl and she was totally wanting me. She was amazingly stunning, and really funny she had the most incredible sense of humor which I found rare in anyone.

So basically she seduced me one weekend we were together and well you know the rest of the story.

But let me ask you are you religious? Cause it seems generally the only people I know who do truly try to hold on to their virginity are religious people?

I know in all honesty most men and women do prefer someone who is sexually experience so they even know what they are doing in bed, unless of course they are really religious.

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[–] shrilltrills 10 years ago

I have needs too - just because someone is a virgin doesn't mean they don't have those needs too. But I have no interest whatsoever in casual sex. I'm not really religious, but I do not believe in casual sex.

Also to be honest I had a lot of other things going on in my life, so I wasn't really able to focus on relationships and dating. And of course, for me, being in a serious relationship would be a prerequisite to having sex.

And it's not true that most people prefer an experienced partner. Lots of guys have loved that I'm inexperienced. To the point of stalking me.

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! - Eric Cartman

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[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

@Shrilltrills

how do you handle your needs then? you must have some other sort of outlet right?

i know some virgins who watch porn and masturbate way too much perhaps they are so damaged by porn that they may never be able to have a healthy sex life?

Thats fine for you if you have prereqs for sex. I think most men and women should have some as well.

Good thing you are focused on your priorities and goals cause relationships do often get in the way and lot of time they are just nothing but drama.

But thats why some men and women have casual sex or "friends with benefits" or whatever you want to call it because they both have needs but they have no time for a relationship or the BS or drama that comes with it.

Some really attractive smart women who work hard and are successful asked me to be their "FWB".

Some women even ask me to have sex with them cause their boyfriend is not hitting it right.

I don't think we should really judge these women either they are honest enough to go for what they really want right?

I don't know any men who prefer a virgin or inexperienced woman unless they are a creepy religious nut or they have some creepy virgin stealing fantasy. Either way its all bad. Most honest men would admit they prefer an experienced woman who can rock it in bed.

The main reason why men cheat on their girlfriends and wives is cause their wives suck in bed or they no longer have sex as much as they used to.

Can you describe yourself? Would you consider yourself an attractive woman?

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[–] shrilltrills 10 years ago

I don't judge anyone. If they want to have casual sex or friends with benefits, that's their business. It's just not for me. It would feel so wrong doing that, so much that any brief physical satisfaction that came from that sort of thing would not be worth it at all.

Actually, I take back the part about not judging anyone. I DO judge the women who ask you to have sex with them while they are in relationships or married. Anyone who would cheat just because they're not sexually satisfied in their relationship should be ashamed of themselves.

And honestly I don't think most men who want something serious prefer an "experienced" woman. The ones who care more about sex than anything else, maybe. But the ones who are looking to settle down - I don't know any men who want a woman who's been around the block as their wife and the mother of their children.

Also, a man who would prefer an experienced woman because she'd be better in bed...he's likely selfish in bed. He cares more about his own pleasure than about his partner. A man who truly cares will be fine with the virgin not being a pornstar the first couple of times and will be happy to teach her what it is that pleases him.

And any man who cheats on his wife or girlfriend because she's not having sex with him, or the sex isn't good...that is not a man I want in my life anyway.

I would consider myself attractive, yes. Plenty of guys would agree too. But that's not what it's all about, it's about finding someone I really love. And I have no interest in sex outside of a loving relationship.

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! - Eric Cartman

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[–] ignas-emaitis-857-185488 8 years ago

YOu couldn't even make it out of my teens before losing my virginity?
whoa dude this is some serious distress, poor you, I couldnt even get the courage to talk to girls during my teens

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[–] tzogas 9 years ago

^this^

**Have an A1 day**

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[–] scotpens 10 years ago

Some people are just asexual -- they simply have no interest in sex.

All the universe or nothingness. Which shall it be, Passworthy? Which shall it be?

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[–] standrkm 10 years ago

being a virgin in your 30's is a side-effect of a bigger problem in my opinion, sure being a virgin may mean your shy towards the opposite sex or more immature or whatever but that's just more of a trait single and more innocent people have, many boring, closed minded, a**holes that treat women like crap "aren't" virgins, they're practically the opposite of the stereotypical 30 year old virgin, yet they never get criticized or even mentioned, I just think it's a bit of an unfair assessment, I mean there are late in life virgins that wait in line for days to watch a new star wars film and then there are virgins that are really messed up in the head perhaps from a childhood event and become dangerously anti-social

I mean yeah the character never really got a chance to grow up and experience the world but as soon as he did and experienced a woman by "playing house" in the bedroom he was also pretty let down for a while knowing what he was missing out and might never get to live again, his mind didn't limit him like these other people, it was his body, for these 30 year old virgins today it's the other way around

"the day I tried to live, I learned that I was alive"

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[–] MrCharmingMan 10 years ago

@standrkm "I just think it's a bit of an unfair assessment, I mean there are late in life virgins that wait in line for days to watch a new STAR WARS film and then there are virgins that are really messed up in the head perhaps from a childhood event and become dangerously anti-social "

This guys pretty much a combo of both of those things you mentioned. Plus he's extremely stubborn, awkward, and difficulty at the same time.

I actually tried really hard to help him over come his issues when he was in his early 30's but I just realized he is a lost cause.

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[–] creatorof2002 9 years ago

I am 42 and a virgin. I suffer from an autistic spectrum condition that makes getting a woman to let me see her naked or have sexual contact with her very difficult.

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[–] shrilltrills 10 years ago

being a virgin in your 30's is a side-effect of a bigger problem in my opinion

Why is being a virgin automatically negative? Maybe they're religious and waiting for marriage. Maybe they're asexual. Maybe they made a choice to be that way and they're confident with it. It's not necessarily a side effect of some problem.

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! - Eric Cartman

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[–] creatorof2002 10 years ago

I am 41 soon to be 42 and a virgin. Because I suffer from Asperger Syndrome forming relationships is especially difficult for me. However, soon I will be a multimillionaire because I am a board game designer and my board game designs are masterpieces that will sell in board game stores all over the world. It is easier for a rich person to get a woman to undress for him and even if I am unable to have a relationship I will have the money for a prostitute or "sex therapy".

I will not die a virgin I will make sure of that.

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[–] MrCharmingMan 9 years ago

awesome!

how is the board game coming along? please link me to a site so i can buy and support you!

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[–] 10 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Strazdamonas 9 years ago

Not in 30s, but i know a person who is a virgin at 25. We talked about it with him and his opinion was basically "not actively searching, but if i happen to meet somone i like i dont mind".

And at least from what i know hes just a normal guy, has a job, owns an apartment, ect. not the stay at home with parents type. it sounds more like he just does not care much about it.

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Applied Science? All science is applied. Eventually.

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[–] MrCharmingMan 9 years ago

i think 25 is not so bad especially if he's holding down his own apartment, has a career he's focusing on.

He could be either a sexual or an in the closet homo sexual?

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[–] Strazdamonas 9 years ago

I doubt if he is homosexual. if he is he is very good at looking like a hetersexual (and i mean him liking hetero porn and whatnot not just looks). but of course one never truly knows, there were homosexuals that had families and kids before coming out.

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Applied Science? All science is applied. Eventually.

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[–] MrCharmingMan 9 years ago

does he have a good career like does it take up all of his time?

if he is so career focused then that might make sense and be a legit reason.

i knew this guy he was a bully in high school and never had a girlfriend or went on dates when everyone else did.

finally everyone started getting engaged and married even his younger siblings.

he then kept saying he wants to be more financially secure before dating. but he's now 39 and still never had a girlfriend or been on a real date yet.

so he is pretty A-Sexual. i say that cause he never talks about girls but he is not stereotypically gay either. he played football in high school and in college. he is a horrible dresser no sense of fashion like most gays do.

he has a horrible hair cut and bad glasses. so hes like a big time geek now. its weird he used to be a big bully now hes a lonely A-Sexual geek.

i think its like karma a bit had he had a better personality he'd probably wouldn't be how he is today?

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[–] Strazdamonas 9 years ago

Different people consider different careers good. He has a career he likes, or at least claim to like. Hes working 8am-5pm style, i dont remmeber him ever carrying work home but maybe i just dont see it.

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Applied Science? All science is applied. Eventually.

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[–] MrCharmingMan 9 years ago

well not sure what to make of that?

i do know once you close in on your 30's and mid 30's you are really starting to freak out about not settling down getting married and having kids.

if not the person himself, his family, cousins, aunts, grandparents, all relatives he sees during the holidays will start to really question him and add pressure.

its pretty much a standard societal pressure thing.

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[–] tzogas 9 years ago

Do I know any virgins in their late 30's?

Probably.

Most likely everyone else, too.

However, those who know it's none of their damn business, will never know for sure. Nor will they care. Nor will they feed into this kind of hostile speculation about other people's sexual status.

And re: "Growing up". Only you can decide for yourself whether it's "too late" for you to grow up. Perhaps you could start now, uh, before it's "too late".

And I hope your "friend" gave you his consent for you to dissect/discuss his personal life with a bunch of strangers.

**Have an A1 day**

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[–] MrCharmingMan 9 years ago

Why so defensive?

BTW this guy is now 40 years old and still a virgin, still lives with his parents and still doesn't have a real job.

He still blames others for his own issues and tries to bring them down with him.

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[–] tzogas 9 years ago

Asking me, "why so defensive" would imply that it's myself I'm "defending".

Which would be incorrect.

I'm in favor of protecting the dignified privacy of others. Discussing others in this way is inappropriate and irrelevant. And perhaps more than a little immature.

**Have an A1 day**

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[–] tzogas 9 years ago

And to provide additional clarity, I will point out the ways by which we shame others by holding up their sexual orientation/level of sexual activity/lack of sexual activity, etc, as an object of judgement and/or derision and then arbitrarily assign "value" to a particular individual, based on those factors.

In case you didn't know, doing so is just wrong.

**Have an A1 day**

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[–] MrCharmingMan 9 years ago

So whats your honest opinion about this guy now 40 years old still living with his parents, with no intentions of ever moving out.

Still never had a girlfriend before.

Still never kissed a girl.

Still has no real job or intentions of getting one.

Yet he thinks all of his problems are due to others.

What are your thoughts on him specifically.

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[–] tzogas 9 years ago

Well OK have it your way:

My "thoughts on this guy (specifically)" are that he should get himself a better class of friends; ones who respect and uphold his privacy and protect his vulnerability/ies from the prying eyes of strangers.

Happy now?

**Have an A1 day**

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[–] MrCharmingMan 9 years ago

ok let me rephrase this for you and lets see how honest you will be........

im assuming you are a female right? that is your photo in your profile right?

you appear to be a good looking woman, who is smart and has your self together which is great.

with that being said, would you date a guy like him? 40 years old, still lives with his parents, no real job, never had a girlfriend before, virgin. blames everyone else for his own problems?

I can bet the house if you were being entirely truthful you would say HELL NO and for good obvious understandable reasons.

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[–] tzogas 9 years ago

Well, thank you for saying so - and I can tell you this:

When I met my husband over 20 years ago, perhaps he wouldn't have looked good on paper, so to speak. Living with one's parents has been demonized by (Western?) society - but this is how some cultures function within their family units. And jobs may come and go. Choosing a life partner based on their current material status is a recipe for disaster; for as I mentioned, circumstances change - sometimes drastically.

For me, the only dealbreaker on your list would be encountering ANYone (friend or otherwise) who "blames everyone else for (his) own problems". This is the one thing that can keep anyone stuck firmly in place, and in my own estimation, by its very nature, is more impervious to outside help or intervention than any other trait one could name. And in the context of your question, I have learned from experience (through many types of relationships, including friendships) that such "blame" would inevitably fall upon myself as well.

Everything else, is negotiable.

**Have an A1 day**

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[–] MrCharmingMan 9 years ago

I totally concur.

His loved ones around him are enabling him to continue living this way.

His parents, siblings and close friends, need to all have an intervention and stop the enabling and once he starts blaming everyone else for his own serious issues they need to fire it back right at him and say no this is on you to correct this or to improve this situation. By doing so they will all in turn help him out.

But until they stop enabling him he will never improve. His parents should be well retired by now and if anything he should be helping out his parents these days not milking them for every last penny.

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[–] tzogas 9 years ago

I still think it's not right to be dissecting his life for us in this way.

Focus on your own. Be well.

**Have an A1 day**

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