MovieChat Forums > 13 Reasons Why (2017) Discussion > If you get wasted, you are partly respon...

If you get wasted, you are partly responsible if you get raped.


It's not "blaming the victim." Smart people don't willingly put themselves into dangerous situations. First of all, the drinking age is 21, not 15. That's for a reason. Kids are already stupid when they are sober. You want to make yourself EXTRA stupid? Second, rapists exist in the world. Don't people realize this? Why would you put yourself at risk by drinking yourself into a stupor at a party with a bunch of boys, some of whom are known to be untrustworthy idiots? Then, why would you go to the party thrown by a guy who you just saw rape someone? This is like the reverse Darwin Awards. The stupid end up getting impregnated for being stupid and then we have to deal with their equally moronic kids. I guess after the inevitable suicides, it sorta balances out, though.

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Making bad decisions when drunk - that what's makes you partially responsible. But she was practically unconscious and couldn't make a decision, even a stupid one.

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To the OP:

You sound really ignorant with your "it's always the victim's fault" attitude. The thing is, nobody has the right to take advantage of you when you're drunk. A woman getting drunk and unconscious is NOT giving a man a free damn pass to do whatever the hell he wants to her body, as if she's a piece of property he can do whatever the hell he wants with (which she isn't.) That's the kind of fcked-up attitude toward rape that for way too damn long let men get away with it, and unfortunately, that attitude is still way too prevalent today. The fact is, there are men who specifically target women who get drunk just to assault them,because they know damn well she's in no condition to fight them off, or even think straight about what the hell she's doing. And being drunk also means that if she is assaulted, she won't remember everything that happened. Which is why half the time, if the women (or girl) is assaulted, she won't report it exactly for that reason,and blame herself. In fact,there was a documentary made a couple of years back called The Hunting Ground, which dealt with the issue of rape of college campuses, and how the authorities there preferred to sweep it under the rug, even after the women reported it. It was also much harder for the victims to get a rapist punished, especially if he was a major sports figure on campus and making the school big money.

Remember the Steubenville,Ohio and Brock Turner cases? In both cases, the victim was completely unconscious after drinking, and unable to consent to anything, yet, in both cases, the dues who assaulted them (who were also dudes just barely out of their teens) took complete advantage of that (I mean,hell, the dudes in the Steubenville case actually let someone film the assault on their phone,and then put it online, which is why their dumb a**** got busted---they deserved that.) There's also the sad reality that sometimes women also get raped by men they know and trust---it's not always the drunk stranger at a party or a club trying to hit on you. And there's also the fact that some men will go so far as to drug a woman's drink just to take advantage of her ( that's been happening for a couple of decades now---back in the '90s, there was one drug specifically used for that purpose, to the point where it was actually called "the rape drug" by the media. I can't recall the name of it right now.)

In The Hunting Ground, a former frat boy actually admitted that on the college campus he was on, he and his boys would specifically single out girls that were near drunk or looked like they were possibly alone---in other words, they would deliberately set out to prey on the ones that seemed the most vulnerable. (In the film, at least one or two men admitted to being assaulted themselves on campus, and getting the runaround/cold shoulder, just like the women did, from the authorities after reporting it---one of them said he was even told flat-out that there was nothing that could be done about it,and to just move on.) Currently there are two rape cases going on in Michigan that involve college athletes---one with 3 men being accused of the crime, and another one in which the college athlete alledgedly told his victim not to report the crime. Here's the first one:

http://www.upi.com/Sports_News/College-Football/2017/02/16/Warrants-sought-in-Michigan-State-University-football-rape-case/1111487262483/

And, hell yeah, of course women should take precaution and protect themselves in certain situations, or remove themselves from those situations if they feel uncomfortable about being there. The thing is, the onus is always on women to protect themselves from being assaulted. Young teen boys (and young men) also need to to be taught from the get-go that a woman's body is not their public property to do whatever the hell they want with whenever they want,and that they are entitled to it, and that consent is always mandatory,period. Plus teenagers don't make any common sense decisions or use common sense half the time anyway, especially when they're drunk and want to fit in with their friends so bad. That still sure as hell dosen't justify them getting sexually assaulted in any shape,form, or way at all. There's also a Netflix doc film called Audrie & Daisy, which is about two women who were sexually assaulted (one by a family friend) as teenage girls and the terrible fallout they had to deal with in the aftermath.

Here's an article about the show I thought was worth sharing---it does have some spoilers, and there are more articles on the site about the show and the issues it deals with:

http://thoughtcatalog.com/emily-madriga/2017/04/other-people-arent-responsible-for-your-mental-health-why-13-reasons-why-is-pretty-much-bullshit/



I have yet to see 13 Reasons Why, but apparently it's touched a nerve with a lot of people concerning the subject of sexual assault and suicide, so I'll check it out. Here's an interesting article


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the drug you are referring to is probably Rohypnol, AKA "roofies"

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The girl in the "Steubenville rape case" put herself in a pretty bad situation. Obviously its still her rapists fault but when you go to a party with a bunch of people you don't know and get wasted to the point that you can't stand up, you have put yourself in a very dangerous situation. Do the rapists deserve jail or death by hanging? Absolutely. Did she do something stupid that put her in a situation to be raped? Absolutely.

And Brock Turner never raped anyone, he met a girl at a FRAT PARTY, danced/ made out with her there, both of them got ridiculously wasted and left together to go to his place to have sex (or maybe to play monopoly). Well they never made it there, public sex is a real thing. They started having sex, she passes out and soon after 2 guys stumble on them and think they have walked upon a rape, and then everything gets blown way out of proportion. She had a boyfriend at the time so obviously the slut is going with the rape story.

As for the hunting ground, I've never heard of it. Were these guys singling out drunk girls and then raping them or just finding drunk girls to have sex with? Cuz thats what people do at bars and frat parties, and the girls who get wasted at bars are often looking for a guy (or guys) to have sex with.

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"And Brock Turner never raped anyone"

And there goes any ounce of credibility you have ever had.

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So according to your logic: don't get drunk. Because if you're drunk, you'll get raped. And allowing yourself to get raped is a stupid decision. But wait. You said teenagers are already stupid. So, if they're already stupid, what is going to make them stop and analyze the situation? What already stupid teenager would think hey, maybe I shouldn't drink at my own party so I can prevent being raped.. Maybe people who get raped aren't stupid at all. Maybe someone just takes advantage of them because they aren't completely self aware. And the only thing going to stop this is educating the rapist about what consent is, not the victim. And hopefully the show helped to do this? Instead of just portraying stupid girls making stupid decisions?
All of that being said, I agree with that fact that going to Bryce's party was strange on her behalf. Your friend just got raped and you're going to chill alone in his hot tub? So I see where you're coming from. Although girls could try to take more caution, educating and ultimateltly eliminating future rapists (if they know what consent means) will probably be the most effective method in stopping it.

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Even though she was not in the best emotional state when she went out walking, she had enough sense not to be in the hot tub alone. She was going to get out when Jessica got out, but the other 2 said they were staying in for a while but then she felt peaceful by the time they did get out and did not realize she was alone with the raper.

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What a strange comment.

And the only thing going to stop this is educating the rapist about what consent is, not the victim.


Seriously? This almost sounds as bad as... "If we just tell terrorists that there are innocent people in the area they plan to blow up, maybe they won't do it." or equally as bad as... "If a man approaches you in a dark alley, yell at him to stop and blow your rape whistle!"

I agree with OP. There are rapists in the world and telling them "non-consensual sex is wrong!" is about as silly as trying to convince Donald Trump that "grabbing them by the p*ssy" is sexual assault. Sure they'll hear you but that's not going stop someone determined to carry out the act.

It really is as simple as:
1) DON'T GET DRUNK AND PASS OUT AROUND STRANGERS!
&
2) DON'T GET DRUNK AROUND POTENTIAL RAPISTS!

I live in a fairly well-to-do area and even I know not to go walking out at night alone. It's just common sense, there are sometimes robbers about. Trying to "educate" robbers isn't going to stop them from robbing you.

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I see what you're saying. But some people who rape others really have no idea what rape is. So maybe if they knew, they wouldn't do it.

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I know its a year late reply but...Were you high when you wrote this?

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Come on if you are going to troll do it better than trying to trigger people by starting a sentence 'it's not "blaming the victim"'

Think of it like stupidly starting a sentence with 'I'm not "racist" but....'

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I don't consider either "victims." A victim is someone who has done nothing to bring about harm to themselves. Both of the girls in this show were inviting something bad to happen. One got fall-down drunk and willingly got into a coital bed. The other hopped into a rapist's hot tub shortly after watching him rape another girl. Both girls seemed to be in the mood for coitus and were willing to let whatever happens happen.

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[deleted]

Again if you are going to troll, do something imaginative. The whole lets poke people by saying victims of rape aren't victims to get people to yell, well it's been done and much better than your effort here. It's sad.

Up your game. You are 'inviting' people to take the mick out of you. But guess you are in the mood for cheap and not very enjoyable discourse.

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Are you using British slang? I don't even know what you are talking about. I'm not "trolling." It's how I feel. Maybe our failure to see eye to eye is a cultural thing.

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What word didn't you get 'troll'? 'Mick'? Or the phrase 'up your game'?

Cultural thing or not; we are communicating through the internet - google the words and phrases you don't know.

And as for your trolling. It's what I 'feel' you are trying to do.

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I'm not sure that it's a cultural thing. I think that it's a "not understanding consent thing." It doesn't matter if you are drunk, or in a rapists hot tub, rape is rape. His attitude that every girl at the school wants to be raped is the problem. Saying that just getting in the hot tub means that it's her fault for getting raped is the problem. Judges that let off people like Brock Turner are the problem. Judges that ask why women can't just keep their legs closed are the problem. Cops who discard statements because of intoxication are the problem. Blaming how someone is dressed is the problem. Not individuals who decide to drink. No consent means no consent.

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I agree that they were both raped. I never said they weren't. All I am saying is that they are partly responsible. There are drinking laws for a reason. So the first girl broke the law and her crime actually directly led to her rape. The second girl failed to report the crime of rape, partly because she was also drunk. She could have intervened and helped her peer but she didn't. When she was finally raped herself, it appeared to simply be a case of stupidity. Who hops into a rapist's hot tub? So she was either incredibly stupid or she was subconsciously craving the touch of a man. Human beings are complicated and nothing is just black and white.

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the part when she went into Bryce's party after knowing what he did. And then stripping down into her underwear to get into the hot tub - was just plain stupid!!! ( not saying the rape was justified obviously )

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Hannah acted stupidly. She had no place being there, but it doesn't justify what happened. And Jessica was in bed with HER BOYFRIEND. Expected sex WITH HIM, not to be passed around. She got drunk and relaxed because she TRUSTED HIM. She wasn't inviting anything.

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I never once said that their rapes were "justified". However, their actions contributed to each of their rapes. The lessons we can learn from this show are 1) stay sober and 2) avoid the school rapist's hot tub.

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Does your "lesson" of staying sober apply to young men, or only to young women? I know what your posts sound like they're saying, but would like to hear it directly from you.

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Yes, my lesson applies to both but of course girls have more to lose because coitus that leads to an unwanted pregnancy at an early age could obviously mess them up in a disproportionate fashion.

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Fair enough, however, an unwanted, early-age pregnancy can mess up either sexes' lives.

Would you agree that the lowering of inhibitions caused by their drinking contributes to why these guys who are doing the raping are doing it?

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Yes, the lives of both sexes can be messed up but girls' lives will be messed up more.

Sure, judgement can be impaired for both, which is why getting drunk or high is dangerous and why there are drinking laws. Go ahead and get blasted if that's your dream. Just realize there are consequences and I don't want to hear your whining when your world falls apart. You contributed to your own destruction and you knew the risks.

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I think what Kewl Kat is maybe trying to say is:

There is no justification in rape, it's horrible and no, it's not the victims fault.

However, to protect oneself, one should have a clear head and be aware of the dangers and not walk into potential risky situations.

It's not fair, we should be able to be more carefree, but unfortunately the reality shows that it is often necessary.



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I understand what is being said. I just think that the way of thinking needs to change. More focus needs to be on the men that rape, not the women who should have been more careful.

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Oh, I agree with you 100% -
I also believe that things are way more complicated than people like Kewl Kat believe.
It was said before that Hannah should have reported it. It's so easy to say that...

I just don't think that Kewl Kat is trolling - I can see where that thought process is coming from, don't agree with it, and think that it's more complicated than how he/she? wishes it to be.

I agree with you on that the focus should not be on the women- but until this world treats them fairly, it might be a tale of caution. My daughter is too small for those kind of talks now, but I will have them with her - it's not fair, but I would want her to be safe.

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I'm with you on everything except one small part. "Until this world treats them fairly ".

Violence against women has no excuse, but very few people speak of violence against men, which is, actually, more common than the one against women. Men, even the more aggressive ones, manage not to cross that boundary since, well, there is no honor in beating up a woman. Women do not have that boundary, since, well, he's a man, he should be able to take it.

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I'm not sure where you are getting your statistics, but while domestic violence against men is on the rise, or at least the reporting of it is, women are still over the 50% mark and depending on the country up to 80%.

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I am not sure on the statistics- nor if you mean rape or assault in general.
But of course, any type of violence is bad, so is stereotyping. Nobody should just have to "take it".

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My statistics are mostly related to domestic violence. Rape of a man is hard to do or prove unless committed by another man. And violence is violence. People get beaten up no matter the gender.

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Why do you think the writers wrote the part about how Sheri was afraid to report the stop sign to the police? Or the part about how Clay was angry at his friend's death because he thought he died because of drunkenness and that he killed himself and injured the old man? There were plenty of examples where the writers held their characters responsible for poor choices... it's mostly what the show was about. Coital bed... what the fuck is that? If you fall asleep on a bed even if it has scenes from 50 Shades of Grey silkscreened on the sheets, no one has the right to rape you.

This is as asinine as telling a rape victim that their family should have worked harder so they don't live in a statistically high crime rate area, and had they lived in a nice neighborhood this never would've happened.

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Where did I ever say that Bryce had "the right" to rape those two lunkheads? I never did. All I am saying is that their foolish actions helped facilitate their rapes. One was a budding alcoholic who was drunk off her ass half of the show and the other's head was so lost in the clouds that she though the hot tub of the very dude she watched rape her classmate would be a safe place for her to enjoy a relaxing soak and unwind.

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"One got fall-down drunk and willingly got into a coital bed"

There's no designated "coital" bed any more than there is a coital sofa or coital bedroom. She shouldn't be targeted simply because she's fallen asleep.

The budding alcoholic was drunk because of PTSD after the rape and Hannah was desperately wandering the neighborhood because her life was so shit from all the things that had happened to her. Not everyone is full of confidence and strength... many go through life just trying to get one minute to the next. If you have normal self esteem and mental health, you may not be able to relate to someone in that state of mind, and no one should have the right to take advantage of these people.

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A coital bedroom is the room that contains the coital bed. A coital sofa? That's ridiculous.

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All beds by definition are capable of hosting coitus... the use of that modifier implied that she somehow put herself in greater jeopardy by passing out on that particular bed. It was a bed... full stop

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From now on, I am *definitely* showing guests to their bedroom and pointing out that I've provided a coital bed. That should get the visit off to a hilariously uncomfortable start. :-)

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LOL! I'm certain it would get them off to a hilariously uncomfortable start.

Coital bed, WTF?

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[deleted]

[deleted]

if you drive by my street, you are partially responsible if you get shot.

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@theredotcom

"if you drive by my street, you are partially responsible if you get shot."

I can understand that, and as a rape 'victim' (well into my 30s) I knew for a fact I was partially responsible because I shouldn't have placed myself in the situation.

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No. You are not at fault. Rape is not something natural that just happens like a rainy day or accidentally stubbing your toe. It's a person making a horrific decision, and that decision has nothing to do with you. It's really sad that you've been taught to take the blame for it. Hearing rape victims say things like this honestly breaks my heart.

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so you are ok with getting shot if you drive by my street? very good. i'll pm you my area code. please be so kind and pack some cash as well.

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No, no, no, no - rape is NEVER the victim's fault. The only person to blame is the rapist, end of story.

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When people get blasted, the lines between consent and rape get blurred. Stay sober you knuckleheads. We have become a society of "victims" as everybody is increasingly getting drunk and high and then whining about the consequences. You sicken us. Get a hobby that doesn't involve numbing yourselves from your insipid existence.

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Keep blaming the victim---it's about damn time the person who chooses to take advantage of someone when they are intoxicated, and uses that as an excuse to sexually assault them is held responsible for THEIR actions too. Get this through your head---being drunk is NOT an excuse, or a damn invitation for someone to rape you. Fckg period. 'Nuff said.

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Don't be a degenerate lush and your odds of being raped will fall to near zero.

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