Actually you're both wrong. You can romance multiple characters, but not at the same time.
If you romance Anders or Merrill and you have one of them move in, it locks you into that relationship and you can't sleep with anyone else.
If you romance Fenris and then romance Anders or Merrill but you break up with them afterwards, you can continue your relationship with Fenris. However if you romance Anders or Merrill after romancing Fenris and you have one of them move in, it cancels out the Fenris romance.
If you romance Fenris and romance Isabela after, the Isabela romance will always cancel out the Fenris romance whether you decide to keep it physical (i.e. "friends with benefits") or pursue an actual relationship.
If you romance Isabela and then romance Anders or Merrill, the Isabela romance will stop if you have Anders or Merrill move in but if you don't, then the Isabela romance continues.
If you want to romance Sebastian, you can flirt with certain companions in Act 1 (Sebastian doesn't become a party member until Act 2) but you can't flirt with anyone but Sebastian in Act 2 and Act 3. If you flirt with the other companions or even romance them, when it finally comes to solidifying the Sebastian romance in Act 3, he will decline and state that he just wants to be friends. If you successfully romance Sebastian and only Sebastian, the only way you're able to have a chaste marriage with him (friendly romance) or marry him after he becomes Prince of Starkhaven (rival romance). Sebastian's romance never reaches the same depth as the others, meaning you never sleep with him and he doesn't move in.
Also, as for the whole "gay by accident", I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that the OP's Hawke didn't accidentally make-out with one of the male companions, and probably only posted it here to reaffirm his wavering sexuality.
If it's been fifteen years or more, it's no longer a spoiler.
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