I didn't really view it as "cheating". When Jacob first got with Sam, we hear in the phone call he had with Anna outside the club that they had decided to break up for the time being, so he wasn't in a relationship with Anna when he started things with Sam. At this point it was the second time they broke up, the first time being after a few months that they were first separated because of the Visa violation. Then 6 months after their marriage, they had that big fight about Sam and Simon (we don't know for sure if there were any relations between them and the other two in those 6 months, unless I'm missing something....), and again they seemed to have parted ways, this being the third time. Six months after that (a year after marriage), is when they get the call about the marriage Visa finally coming through, and both Anna and Jacob decided to try again and break up with their current relationships. I know in the sense of the sanctity or morality of marriage, it may have been cheating, but for me they made it seem more of a license document than an actual lifetime devotion. Similar to how nowadays divorces take years, and by the time everything is settled both partners already have other committed relationships---meaning they were having sex with other people while still technically being married. The same goes for those who are legally separated in their marriage for years, and are also dating other people. It becomes a legality, just something written on paper, instead of that lifetime love and commitment. Even though married, they're not in a relationship. They're not "together". This is why I didn't view it as cheating (again, unless I'm missing something from the film).
I can see how the ending was disappointing for you. But like BettaFranka, I thought it was realistic. Normally, I hate realism in film endings, because to me it's usually a puppet word for saying there is no happy ending---and we experience enough of that in our world. Really, what is the harm in escaping our reality to experience a world within a film where the impossible can actually be possible? Where happy endings and general everlasting happiness and love can actually happen for the majority? I continuously have debates about this---but in this film's case, I thought the ending was appropriate. Their relationship was based off of realism; it wasn't an ABSOLUTE kind of love that was depicted in, say, The Notebook, or Titanic; the kind most say does not exist. Their romance was not scorching hot, undeniably indestructible, and unprevailing---it was a very realistic type of modern-day love. So it only made sense that it would end that way as well.
Though, I will say a friend of mine felt their love was a type of non-existing love as in The Notebook or Titanic, and raised a point that she felt it was an issue of the "times". That in the cases of films like The Notebook and Titanic, it was a different time than it is now as in Like Crazy, which is why it worked for the other characters and not Jacob and Anna. I'm not sure if I agree with it, but I think it's a plausible opinion on why their relationship didn't work. Maybe people felt more phantasm for love back then than they do now, causing them to perhaps fight harder than Jacob and Anna did?
•¤ What can the damned really say to the damned? ¤•
reply
share
LiviaV
12 years ago
Though, I will say a friend of mine felt their love was a type of non-existing love as in The Notebook or Titanic, and raised a point that she felt it was an issue of the "times". That in the cases of films like The Notebook and Titanic, it was a different time than it is now as in Like Crazy, which is why it worked for the other characters and not Jacob and Anna. I'm not sure if I agree with it, but I think it's a plausible opinion on why their relationship didn't work. Maybe people felt more phantasm for love back then than they do now, causing them to perhaps fight harder than Jacob and Anna did?
This is a really interesting point your friend brought up. My grandparents meet each other when they were 13 and stayed together until the day my grandfather passed away at (87). My nana misses my pop like crazy, it is so sad but so sweet. And I cannot believe they loved each other for so many years, and it made me wonder how many relationships, especially marriages, of our generation will last that long. And my grandparents were separated for long periods of time during war.
What exactly are the "issues" of the times?
Maybe women don't stay home now like good housewives or girlfriends and cook and clean up after their men. Maybe by women going out as much as they do, working, socializing this causes more jealousy etc amongst our partners, more problems?
Women are more independent now, maybe that has something to do with relationships not being so solid? It is easier when the women's hopes and dreams are just to be a good wife to her man. Now we want our own life etc and when two people in a relationship both have their own individual goals it is harder to make it work than say back in the day where the man had a role and the woman had a role and they felt obliged/wanted to play that role.
Stefan: You... Alaric's alter ego: Me...<3
reply
share
12 years ago
[deleted]
Blinvan
12 years ago
Yes, but there are also other factors that have changed, most importantly, the social aspects.
Women are being exploited by the economy, by forcing an artificial ideal of beauty on them. And men are being made to view women as little more than objects of interest, which complicates things.
But in my opinion the most important factor that changed over time is marriage itself. In the past, people couldn't just get a divorce and if they managed to do so, they (and women in particular) were branded as terrible beings and shunned.
Fear of this certainly must have played a role in keeping many partners together, as well as a feeling of moral and social obligation to uphold their vows. Not only that, but people were probably more careful in deciding who and when to marry (whenever they had the choice) and the words "casual sex" were not present in their vocabulary. All these things, and probably more, are or were what made marriage possible. Nowadays relationships are more like train stops along the way and only guided by momentary emotions. The commitment part is often missing or not strong enough. Happiness is supposed to come easily and fighting for it and risking everything just seems like a bad business decision in the mind of a young person, brought up in a capitalistic environment.
That being said, you can't blame it all on society, its influences and "the times", in the end you are the one(s) who decide how it plays out and there's enough people out there who prove this day and day again. There may be fewer now, but it's not impossible.
reply
share
12 years ago
[deleted]
Teh_Dood
12 years ago
there is so much gold in this thread, but there is an additional point to it.
today we meet much more people in our lives than 100 years ago AND we can easily stay connected with them by phone, chat & social media.
now when anna and jacob are apart they do not sit at home and watch the time fly by. instead they go out and meet people. if you live in a big city like LA and london you meet hundreds of people especially when you are their age. and you will meet people that you really like, it's just a numbers game ...
this leads to the realization that love isn't exclusive. there is more than one person in this world to whom we can develop deep feelings. it may not be the same feelings for everyone, but they are nevertheless of deep value for us.
now you got one person very far away from you and one person very close to you... be honest to yourself, what would you do?
so there is another issue of the "times". if you fish in a bigger pond you will catch more awesome fish. that doesnt make you necessarily more happy because you learn to differentiate between these awesome fishes and you learn to see their flaws. now you see flaws in someone your grandma would not because she only caught one awesome fish and that fish will forever be perfect for her.
reply
share
cajunbluesbaby
10 years ago
now you got one person very far away from you and one person very close to you... be honest to yourself, what would you do?
I being a military wife of 6 years can answer that question. My husband deployed 3 times since we got married, the first time was 5 months after we got married. He got orders 2 months after we got married. Each deployment was hard cuz I missed him so much my heart hurt, but we love each other & it always works out because we put in the work required to stay together. It requires staying connected. I sent him an email a day, a letter a week, & a care package a month. He called me as often as he could & we skyed & imed. It's easier for the individual to try to move on or not talk as much to the other person when they are away but that's not easy for a partnership & strains it and makes it more difficult to reconnect. We know lots of couples that had those problems post deployment. We never had that problem because we work on our marriage. Our marriage comes first. My husband & I always talk about Love being a verb. It's about what you do not just what you feel & what you say. We also have rules about not reconnecting with or keeping past gf/bf's as friends cuz that's not good for a marriage. We also don't spend time alone with ppl of the opposite sex. We are careful not to make inappropriate connections with other ppl. I've had guys hit on me before and I'm not interested and don't put myself in the position to ever become interested. Cheating doesn't just happen. It happens after a series of bad & selfish decisions. After 6 years, 3 deployments, 6 TDYs & 1 PCS, I can wholeheartedly say that I love him more today than I did the day we married and our love grows everyday because we put in the work. It honestly really doesn't feel like work. It's us against the world. If you view life's obstacles like that & don't blame each other or treat each other like the enemy than you can get through anything. Also, it has to be said that I do believe that there are lots of ppl u can connect with, but only 1 absolute soulmate. I was lucky to marry mine & believe that if you listen to your heart when you meet the right person you just know it like I did, like my parents who've been married for 36years did, like my grandparents who've been married for over 60, my inlaws married for 30. We all are alike in the fact that we waited to marry someone that we knew right from the first meeting was our soulmate. I never thought that was possible until it happened. I was in long term relationship once with a guy who proposed to me, but I knew in my heart that it wasn't right so I broke it off. Then 9 months later I met my husband and just knew. But here's the thing, after you know & fall in love you have to work on it. Fate does exist but it only takes you so far. IT's up to you to make it happen and make it last. I think nowadays it's harder to stay married or in long distance relationships because we are raised so selfishly. Relationships/marriages cannot last long distance or otherwise if you are only thinking about yourself & your own happiness. If you are taking care of eachother & always honest with each other than you don't have to worry about taking care of yourself. You have eachother's backs.
reply
share
CCRider01
12 years ago
"Women are being exploited by the economy"
And men aren't? The economic downturn of the past 4 years has greater effected men, with regard to job cutbacks, than it has women.
reply
share
Blinvan
12 years ago
"And men aren't? The economic downturn of the past 4 years has greater effected men, with regard to job cutbacks, than it has women."
This really isn't the topic we've been discussing, but I'll address it shortly.
The capitalistic system works by exploiting people, no matter what their gender. You clearly misread or misunderstood my post. I was not questioning that men were also part of this system. All I said was that women were capitalised by creating an image of what they're supposed to be like, what they should wear (and as such buy) and worst of all how they should think and look like (think plastical surgeries). Add to that that women are paid less for the same amount of work as us men, most of the time. Of course, men are also being targeted. It's the nature of Capitalism. Milk everything for money that you can find. But so far it's been easier on us.
reply
share
CCRider01
8 years ago
Add to that that women are paid less for the same amount of work as us men, most of the time.
I am glad you used the words "paid less for the same amount of work" rather than the same kind of work. People should be paid less for the same amount of work, ie hours, if that work consists of different levels of expertise, experience, demand etc. Now if you actually meant paid less for doing the exact same job, stats do show there is a still a pay in-balance between the sexes for most occupations, albeit MUCH less than the one regurgitated by self serving politician and gullible members of the general public. The gender difference is about 1-4% for most occupations, and in some cases, females actually make more money for doing the same job.
The 15-30% pay inequity figure quoted by the media and regurgitated by gullible members of the general public, is due to occupation and life style choices, and not because of some patriarchal system discrimination.
reply
share