MovieChat Forums > Hellraiser: Revelations (2011) Discussion > Three completely logical theories

Three completely logical theories


1. Hellraiser: Revelations is a $300,000 personal insult to Clive Barker from Víctor García for never writing back to him when he was a teenager and letting him, that is Clive Barker, know what he thought of Víctor's Pinhead/Butterball slash fic entitled: "Hooks and leather; Love in Oblivion".

2. Hellraiser: Revelations was created by REAL cenobites as a new form of horrific torture for solving the Lament Configuration. Upon solving the puzzle, hooks fly out from the shadows holding your eyelids open while you slowly hear a cheesy actor droning "BYE L.A.!" growing steadily in the distance.

3. Hellraiser: Revelation's director Víctor García is a secret dark protege of Uwe Boll sent by the dark one (still talking about Uwe Boll) to slowly amass an army of fork awful direct to DVD "horror" films, so that they, along with the creators of the SAW franchise, can slowly destroy the horror genre from the inside out.

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4. The film was thrown together as quickly as possible for as little money as possible simply so the studio could hold onto the rights until the remake gets off the ground.

The answer is 4. ...But 2 would make me happier.

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Remember that time I ate your family?

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3. Hellraiser: Revelation's director Víctor García is a secret dark protege of Uwe Boll sent by the dark one (still talking about Uwe Boll) to slowly amass an army of fork awful direct to DVD "horror" films, so that they, along with the creators of the SAW franchise, can slowly destroy the horror genre from the inside out.
The worst of Uwe Boll is The Godfather compared to this.

Tesla was robbed!

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5) A cenobite jealous of all the attention Leviathan showers on his Pope of Hell decided to adopt Xipe outfit and demeanor so that when next the box is opened he could have a chance to prove himself much more worthy than his superior. Hoping that the box would be opened by Kirsty this new cenobite eagerly jumped at the chance to kill the one human that had eluded Xipe for so long. Instead he got some "Jersey Shore" knock-off/wannabes. The movie is simply a warning from the Pope of Hell himself, don't ever screw with him or else you get a shameful sex tape released, which essentially this movie is; a sex tape gone wrong in the cenobites view!The cenobite that dared to masquerade and play at villainy is now stuck cleaning the bowels of the Labyrinth right alongside failures like Pistonhead and Channard!

"How dare you speak his name! YOU FILTHY HALF BLOOD!"

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6- A couple of jerkoffs googled "Tijuana donkey show" and, being Hellraiser fanbois, decided to write some fanfiction about it.


"In a time of universal deceit,
telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
George Orwell

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vaevictusdeus:


Also:

The worst of Uwe Boll is The Godfather compared to this.
But it's still a tie as to whether Boll or one of these fake-@ss Pinhead wannabes ends up being Fredo C.


This Franchise has been in the I.C.U. ever since the day they cast Ashley Laurence as Kirstie, and in deep coma after HR III:HOE, and was robbed of any chance of death with dignity after HR IV: Pinhead in Space (or was that HR IV: Pinhead Jumps the Shark?) Please just let it slip away.

"In a time of universal deceit,
telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
George Orwell

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7. The *beep* Brothers enjoy waggling the rights to the franchise in front of Clive Barker and laughing at him.

--mentalcritic
Tom Cruise drikk dovatn!

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8. The wrestling match sucked so bad that the victim, in a severe depression, went to the parking garage and cut off his own head...
Whoops. Sorry. Wrong franchise from the 80s that had a good start but quickly turned to crap.

Thit and thpin!

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so you solved the puzzle since 2011 close to the anniversary. I think it must be 1 or 3. I dont have any extra creative theories to add.

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