I Lived This Movie

I watched this movie just before my engagement dissolved. At the time, it was because I had a thing for Tom Hiddleston and I was bored and wanted to ogle him for a bit (and there was a sex scene!). If only I had known that this film would become completely personal to me...

I too had foolishly married the first man who asked me, and then left him for the first guy who tried for me. I still don't regret it, though I wish I had done somethings a little differently... I'd also been trapped in a passionless relationship, strapped by duty and circumstances. I thought I would have to get used to it if I was going to be a good wife. In the next few months after watching this movie, I met another man who showed me everything I was missing. I moved out into a tiny piece of crap apartment and he moved right in with me. We got way too close way too fast and when our passion turned toxic, he finally moved out, leaving me in pieces. After a few months of trying to make it work as friends, we have recently just cut ties with each other. I just couldn't stop talking about it, couldn't let go of it as long as he was around. My ex-fiance, who is a wonderful man and certainly did nothing to drive me away, has been supporting me all along, and we share a great affection between us as friends, even though we couldn't work as more than that. He had at one point offered to let me come back, but like Hester, I've been awakened and can't go back... It takes more than just being sweet. It takes more than passion. There's an x-factor that needs to be there, and when it's not there, there is no reason to waste anyone's time. I was young and stupid and didn't know the difference. I thought I was being practical in a world where people are ruled by passions that fade anyway... I've learned it's a little more complicated than that, and while I am certainly not ready to jump back into the dating pool, I feel like I've grown so much, and am much closer to knowing what I want now.

I came across this movie and watched it again tonight and after over a year of feeling crazy and like no one understood me and would dismiss what I had done as insane and even cruel, here is this intricate portrayal of just what I have been going through. I am so grateful to the filmmakers for deciding to tell this story. It's so human, and I identify with it so perfectly... Even at the end when Hester cries like a baby after Freddie leaves, but then opens the curtains and smiles- she's free! I mourned the death of this relationship/friendship for a very short period. After crying for months on end, I'm just done. This movie so perfectly depicts this situation that I feel like whomever wrote it must have lived through something similar themselves, and I wish I could meet them and shake their hand.



~*~
Vanity fairgrounds and rebel angels can't be trusted with feathers so hollow.