What I learned from watching this movie

11) Bikini contests at the Dockside have all the excitement of chess matches.

12) OIB agents wear bikini tops under their blouses.

13) When you get fired from the OIB, you don't have to turn in your badge.

14) When a United States Navy submarine disappears, the search team effort will consist of one fast attack aircraft making one pass over the area.

15) No one will notice when the beach's entire lifeguard corps disappears within a 24-hour period.

16) Cheesy giant shark movies are not above a gratuitous "Jaws" reference.

17) Skipper Chuck peeks.

18) Lifeguard bathing suits are symbols of authority.

20) When guarding a beach from a sea-based menace it is best to turn your back on the ocean.

21) Giant sharks are actually ambush predators and can only attack people from behind, luckily people are blasé about their safety and uninterested when people draw their attention to the ten foot high dorsal fin sweeping in behind you.

22) Giant sharks can fly, which is, in a military man's expert opinion, "bad".

23) Don't worry about trying to explain how such a vast creature can walk on land and fly, just tell everyone it is "Super Shark" and they will accept this on face value but only if you are a fish expert and know science and stuff.

24) Legs on tanks are clearly The Future and just what you need on a beach - pity we never had those for the Normandy landings or we'd have shown those Nazis a thing or two!!!

25) Walking tanks are the best weapon against walking sharks and therefore must be much better at attacking infantry - like defeats like. I assume if there is a Super Snail attack they'd deploy a tank that slid around on its own slime trail.

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Getting drunk with a briefcase full of money is perfectly fine.

When asked what you should do if the shark comes back, even though you're a soldier with a machine gun, suggest praying.

Walking on fins and flying is known as "Adaptive Evolution".

The local economy depends on the beach being open by the time school gets out for the weekend.

In this world, you shake hands, not salute, in the military.

Walking tanks are far superior for deserts, than the tried and tested method of tracks on wheels.

Order the soldier to aim for the eyes, even though he can't even hit it at all.

It's ok to rip off "Jungle Boogie" for your soundtrack.

I learned that a big, suspicious briefcase that is stuffed full of money is something that can be regarded casually and left lying around at bars and such.

I learned that Jimmie "JJ" Walker's career is pretty well finished.

I learned that when combing the beach for a giant shark that it's important to keep your back to the water.

I learned that Mega Tank, despite being successful when deployed in Afghanistan, is perhaps not the correct piece of military hardware to match up with Super Shark.

Rebecca Grant has a funny shaped head.

John Schneider talks like he's trying to suppress a burp.

If you sunbathe on a boat anchored right in the middle of the channel, the camera will certainly zoom in on your boob.

I don't think Rick heard her.

Actors who are looking to ad a feature roll to their list of credits will do their best to act natural in a stupid movie.

John Schneider hasn't had a hair cut since Dukes of Hazard.

Cellulite jiggles...silicone doesn't.

IV bags get left hanging around in hospital waiting rooms. And the coffee is free.

Even bad actors do their best to act natural in a stupid movie.

Sharks know to avoid torpedoes but will attack a sub.

A shark will eat divers and parasailers, and attack a submarine. But it loses interest in a boat if you turn off the radio.

JJ Walker got fat.

Stupid movies have even stupider sound tracks. "Don't do nothin' stupid with my love"

When photographing girls on a beach in broad daylight, make sure to have a flash attachment, and a really long lens.

Sharks hate bad music and photographers with ugly hats.

If a shark the size of a submarine land right next to you on the sand you will neither hear it or feel the impact.

Skipper Chuck wears the same clothes every day.

When you're shooting a movie on a really tight budget give the "military" toy guns and uniforms from the surplus store. But don't hire a technical adviser.

When F14 take off, they magically turn into F16s.

It flies. And That's bad.

The beach has to be open because the local economy depends on it. *beep* the people's safety.

In a world where sharks walk and so do tanks, they still use radio detonators that were built in the 1960s.

SPOILER ALERT!

When sharks blow up the only thing left is blood and kelp.

People still go parasailing even when the army is battling a Super Shark on the beach.


"Whatever happened to Fay Wray?"

64) I enjoy masturbating to bikini clad women in really bad shark movies.

65) Jimmy Walker is still alive and has a healthy acting career still going for him. James and Florida Evans would be proud.

66) Life guards need to live each and every day like it's their last, cause it just could very well be.

67) The security of our nation rests in the hands (or legs) of walking tanks.

68) Super sharks get their own 70's sounding theme song. Snazzy!

69) Gina Gershon has a twin sister

70) Writing on IMDB message boards may result in you missing the ending of the movie. Damn this post.

Like Matrix, I fight for love.