MovieChat Forums > Bully (2012) Discussion > Difficult question: 'creepy people'

Difficult question: 'creepy people'

posted 10 years ago by SapphireMind
16 replies | jump to latest

Disclaimer: I was bullied in school. Broke 2 bones, lost a couple teeth and had no self-esteem for a good long time.

But, watching "Bully", I see aspects in Alex that are "creepy". He doesn't behave quite right socially. Neither did I when I was being bullied. That doesn't excuse the bullying of either one of us, but I did eventually change and learn to "pass" and be more normal and not be that creepy girl.

As adults, especially as adult women, we are encouraged to "listen to our instincts" about men, especially men who come off as creepy.

Should part of bullying awareness/prevention/etc. involve helping kids who don't have those social skills to learn them? The hard part is that it comes off as victim blaming, or trying t white-wash or homogenize the social situation there. But I think Alex really doesn't know that he sets off people's "spidey sense" of making them uncomfortable.

The kids need to learn to handle people and situations that set off that sense, but also help the kids who may need to learn more social skills.

I'm sure everyone has met people in their lives that make you not want to interact with them: too desperate, too close, too intense, too much. As adults, we just tend to back off from those people and avoid them, but they are likely made just as miserable by that.

The problem isn't as neat and clean as things seem. Interested in hearing other peoples' opinions.

[–] bobdude25 10 years ago

I've thought about this but what can you do? Tell a kid... Stop liking Star Trek. Stop mouth breathing. Wear cooler clothes. Walk less awkward. Talk about more interesting things. Don't be creepy. Be more like the kids who pick on you so they will like you.

Who's to say what's cool and what's not? How can you tell a child to "act like this because it's more socially acceptable" when the kid isn't even doing anything bad or wrong in the first place?

I don't know what the answer would be.

[–] mv5 10 years ago

Well theres uncool, and then theres creepy. Very different

[–] FireMinstrel 10 years ago

I'm sure that's exactly what the new friends that Alex made after the documentary did for him. When I finally went to high school, I had these well-meaning kids try to "educate" me about all the things kids were supposed to know about. It was kinda silly, but at the same time, sweet of them, when I look back.

[–] BrunoAntony 9 years ago

Should part of bullying awareness/prevention/etc. involve helping kids who don't have those social skills to learn them?

You can't just make kids who stick out fit in by teaching them how to relax, crack jokes and have interesting things to talk about, anymore than you can fix their gawky appearance or buy them cool clothes. You have to teach other kids tolerance and that physical and mental harassment sucks.

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[–] abdulx 9 years ago

What gives you the right to call someone creepy. What defines creepy, why does society define creepy as someone who doesn't socialise with people but is harmless

If someone does not harm you and minds their own business then you should mind your own business too

[–] squiike 9 years ago

If you find him creepy, well THAT IS OK.

The issue here is that he is stabbed, choked, and publically humiliated.
Just let him be. You dont have to BEFRIEND HIM for god's sake.

When people are bullied at this level, then take a stand against it. Dont go with the herd and move your seats away etc.

If you had been humiliated all your life like these kids. You would GUARANTEED be creepy at best, if you hadnt already; suecided, gone postal, or turned to crime and or drugs.

[–] Stirchley 9 years ago

I do think Alex's parents could have helped to make him look less, well, goofy. The jeans he wore were just horrible; ditto his glasses. He's one of those kids who will grow into his looks as he gets older and his appearance will improve as time goes by. No doubt he will invest in contact lenses too.

[–] bkerber 9 years ago

You can't teach a kid who doesn't fit in how to fit in. I don't think it's a good idea to even try to do that. I think you need to do just the opposite. I think you need to teach those kids that it's perfectly fine to be exactly who they are. You don't need to dress a certain way or like certain things to fit in and get other people to like you.

What you can teach kids, though, is basic social skills. Most kids absorb them early and easily and some kids, like myself, simply don't. It's difficult to teach a kid who doesn't understand social cues how to understand them but you can help them along. The first thing is bloody telling them they don't understand social cues. Tell them that they are kind of different from other kids in that a lot of kids just have this ability to understand all of these unwritten rules about how to behave and you don't - so here, let me teach you some of them, so at least you'll know more about what's going on. Things like - most people feel uncomfortable if you stand or sit to close to them, if they move away, give them a bit of space; most people think it's rude to chew with your mouth open, make a lot of noise when you eat and breathe - you might be able to change that; people will want to be around you more if you have a bath at least every few days, wash and comb your hair, and wear clean clothes (that was a hard one for me, I was bad at that until I was a teenager). That's not going to make a huge difference, but it will help.

I think the most important thing is confidence - so help kids to appreciate who they are, not change who they are, and they will be less likely to be bullied.

[–] ciocio-2 9 years ago

You said much of what I was thinking. And even if kids can't or won't find ways to fit in with the 'big herd,' hopefully over time, they'll find their tribe, and people who appreciate them as they are. And, with love and care, they'll grow into themselves, and probably go much further and be more successful in meaningful ways, than the kids who bullied them, or those who saw but didn't try to help.

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[–] DeepFriedJello 9 years ago

I was thinking he looked a bit different, then realized that he looks like Mick Jagger. I'm guessing that he may not be the brightest kid, possibly the result of being born so premature. There are kids like this in most every school, and I'm sure most do struggle with having friends. Too bad some kids have the need to be bullies.

[–] rebecca-dweller 9 years ago

'The kids need to learn to handle people and situations that set off that sense, but also help the kids who may need to learn more social skills.'

This should include teaching bullies social skills. If you are bullying someone then you obviously don't have much in the way of social skills.

'...see aspects in Alex that are "creepy". He doesn't behave quite right socially.'

I think this is a chicken or egg situation, as in what came first.

It is quite possible that Alex did have good social skills once and did behave right but due to excessive bullying has become more nervous and unsure of himself.

The bullying could have been triggered by something that a child has no control over. Say, having glasses, a disability, or an accent, or different skin colour or a different cultural background. Their social skills were probably fine to begin with. However as the isolation intensifies then the target panics and tries harder to be accepted. This is where the danger of the social skills diminishing occurs.

Solution to this problem. Supportive adults! Yes, it is good to alert the target to any social skills that need improving, however I feel that leaving it at that is just dismissing the problem and neglecting the targeted child.

I find that giving a name to things helps. The child that is bullying the target is discriminating against that targeted child. So the bully is prejudice. Name it! Inform the targeted child that discriminating against another person for something that they have no control over is what ignorant people do. Tell the targeted child that they have every right to a good education, every right to a safe environment, every right to explore their surrounding and expect the best for themselves.

[–] AngelCake56FJS 9 years ago

That's what I figured, he may have been slightly awkward from from the beginning and attributing to his gawky appearances they went in on him. Due to the bullying his self esteem plummeted, his personality change making him even more awkward. In his new school her seemed more confident and less awkward. It must be awful that the teachers were no help to him.

[–] michelleod1 8 years ago

I was in special ed all my life and always verbally harassed for being different & the thing with all the bullies at my school (which was like 90% of *beep* people) they KNEW i didn't know how to respond to their verbal abuse. When I was young I was so shy and didn't understand that what they were doing was called bullying. It's terrible that they take advantage of the situation like that. It's really not fair :/