MovieChat Forums > The Age of Adaline (2015) Discussion > Ellis was a stalker, and was extremely c...

Ellis was a stalker, and was extremely creepy.

posted 9 years ago by chasingit
75 replies | jump to latest

I'm sorry, but his behavior ruined this whole thing for me.

First, he tracks her down because he sees her reading on the steps which tips him off to her place of employment. This is excusable, he saw a pretty girl & had a crush. But then he neglects to tell her that he saw her reading until he has her alone, in his apartment. He then goes in for a kiss, even though she's clearly telling him no (RED FLAG), which he justifies by telling her to "let go" (ugh).

Following them sleeping together, she takes some space, which he should have respected. Instead, he gets her ADDRESS from the library, and shows up unannounced at her apartment. Wow! If a guy did this to me, I would be terrified.

But no, Adaline, who is supposedly intelligent, goes to meet his PARENTS after only knowing him for a very short amount of time, at which point he confesses his love for her. She freaks out, flees, and he has a psychotic episode and jets off behind her after telling his Dad that he can't imagine life without her (i don't think those were his exact words, but they were something like that - not okay if you've only known someone for a short amount of time). If I were his Dad, I would be seriously concerned about my child's sanity.

THIS ALL IS SO CREEPY.

I get that Adaline needed a stage five clinger or else she would've just ran away without resistance, but jesus. This guy would have had me filing a restraining order.

Sorry, I just needed to rant. I feel like this movie is terrible for young girls to watch (which I'm sure Blake Lively's fan base large consists of). If any young fans are reading this, please do not pick a person that acts this way.

[–] iheart_ny 9 years ago

He's a looker, so it's romantic. If he looked like Steve Buscemi, he'd be on Dateline. It was presented as extremely romantic in the film and not creepy, so I don't mind.

[–] Nakedjaxx 8 years ago

hahahaha oh snap.

[–] LilyDaleLady 8 years ago

LOL, I completely agree. It is a "meme" of films that it is ROMANTIC for a man to stalk a woman and pursue her aggressively even after she has clearly said "NO". (Funny, I don't think it works in reverse. I am not sure anyone would think a woman being this blatant and aggressive is charming.)

As you very correctly state, it only "works" for the storyline, because the hero is handsome....often very wealthy....and is shown sympathetically. In real life, the stalkers like this are not handsome tech millionaires, but as you say -- look like Steve Buscemi (or much worse) -- and so we clearly perceive them as needy, weird, creepy, even mentally ill.

Why would a good-looking San Francisco tech millionaire, who could literally have almost any woman he wanted, be so fixated? My guess if you are lucky enough to be this rich and desirable, you have beautiful women making themselves VERY available ALL the time. This kind of pathetic desperation is far more common in people who have nothing to offer, are depressed, or have low self-esteem.

When we talk in the media, about rape -- the talk is often about "no meaning no". This movie dashes that all aside, and insists that "no does not remotely mean no, but means....keep aggressively making moves!" I'm not saying it promotes actual physical rape, but it does promote a mindset that a women's "no" is meaningless, and just a sign for a man to keep trying harder and harder! because she WILL say yes, if you just keep at her.

Again: only "cute" or tolerable because the lead actor is strikingly handsome (and we are told, very very rich).

If you reversed the situation, even with a very attractive actress....you'd quickly see how creepy this is. Somehow we accept it in a movie, because it is a very established storytelling "convention". Frankly, I didn't find it clever or original or charming in any way and it detracted from the interesting parts of the story, about what a woman might feel if she had lived through the entire 20th century in a young body.

[–] bobbobbob123 8 years ago

It is a "meme" of films

The word you're looking for is trope.

1b: a common or overused theme or device : cliché <the usual horror movie tropes>
- http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trope

[–] Intothenightalone 8 years ago

If he looked like Steve Buscemi, he'd be on Dateline.

LOL!

[–] Kirthey 9 years ago

Oh my god, I thought I was the only one. His behaviour completely killed any interest I had in their relationship. I can't believe Adaline actually apologized for telling him to *beep* off in the flower/apartment scene, her anger was entirely justified given that she made it clear she wasn't interested in taking things further at least 4 or 5 times by that point.

[–] rachaelov 9 years ago

I get that Adaline needed a stage five clinger or else she would've just ran away without resistance, but jesus. This guy would have had me filing a restraining order.

Hah, me too.

[–] Loquacient 9 years ago

You people are just sad and pathetic. I can tell you're all young, because you're clearly brainwashed by a lifetime exposure to fear mongering media, ready to jump up and accuse another's intent based solely on your own imagined projections of motivation. You don't even realize that you're just sickly little lab rats, cowering in your cages because that is only what you have been conditioned to do.

Look up the legal term, mens rea, if you wish, to answer your petty gripe about whether Ellis' actions constitute crime. I'm here only to speak on the larger issue of your cowardice.

There was a time, before media empires began to capitalize on psychological phenomena (and in the process magnifying all the fears they have ever portrayed), that people were free to be human. Sure, bad things could happen, and there were - very rarely - dangerous people, but life was lived to learn and grow, and to make mistakes. Today, it is different. People are mere tools for their corporate masters, not wanting to think more deeply than 140 characters about anything, much less to go out and actually live life and take risks. You feel something like power when you brandish accusations, because you've never known the real power of doing anything for yourself.

That is why, when you see a man proving his deep affection, you see something malevolent. Not only do you not judge based upon real intent, but you don't care about the real intent even after it has been shown to you. You think you feel comfortable in your cage, so you reject the open door, thinking it must surely be even more dangerous outside it than it is inside.

People like you are going to bring us into another dark ages. Do you even know what that was, and why it happened? It can happen with too much information as easily as it happened with too little, and that is a real irony. It's clearly happening now. All one must do to see this evidence is compare common examples of exposition and language from the past few centuries. Up until the last century that one true thing that separates us from beasts - language - had been steadily evolving, becoming more refined and communicative over time, but the last decades have showed a rapid decline, as this important benchmark of human progress degenerates and devolves before our eyes. With it goes the rational mind and critical faculties of thought that delivered us from the dark ages those handful of centuries ago.

R.I.P., civilization.

[–] Miscella 9 years ago

People like you are going to bring us into another dark ages.

Yes, because antagonizing people with juvenile insults and arrogant condescension is the proper way to save civilization. 

[–] Loquacient 9 years ago

That's an amazing analysis. Very deep and nuanced, and it's even fewer than 140 characters. You're a veritable beacon of hope for the future.

[–] Miscella 9 years ago

Thanks!

[–] gladiator_mtl-768-247896 8 years ago

Well, i don't think he started the insults... Maybe you should stick to Suicide Squad for movies.

[–] Miscella 8 years ago

Well, i don't think he started the insults... Maybe you should stick to Suicide Squad for movies.

Hmm...

You people are just sad and pathetic.

you're just sickly little lab rats

I'm here only to speak on the larger issue of your cowardice.

you've never known the real power of doing anything for yourself.

People like you are going to bring us into another dark ages.

I don't see any insults above those, so my guess is that you think wrong.

Haven't seen Suicide Squad yet, but I'm looking forward to it! 

[–] Wuchakk 9 years ago

Insightful post, Loquacient; thanks.

His actions can be innocently summed up by the saying "The proof of desire is pursuit." If you care enough you'll pursue the item of desire (whatever that might be, in this case a beautiful woman); if not, you won't.

At the same time there are stalkers who allow themselves to become obsessed by their item of desire to the point that it becomes unhealthy and sometimes scary. So it's wise to discern between the two -- innocent pursuit and unhealthy obsession.

My 150 (or so) favorite movies:
http://www.imdb.com/list/ls070122364/

[–] chiaro_di_luna 9 years ago

I've wondered about this for many years, and talked with many women about it. Basically, what's flattering from a hot guy in the safety of a movie is not always welcomed from an average-looking guy in real life.

[–] HeyCanWeTalk 9 years ago

I may just be an oldie, but if at her age some nice good looking man were pursuing me with such intent I would be flattered. There was nothing wrong with him finding out her address and coming by - she'd been to bed with him for goodness sake, that wasn't the clearest message of "stay away...give me space."

I found it very romantic, and it would have been more romantic had she not been so afraid to go with it and not been afraid of being found out.

I thought Harrison Ford was really good in the movie - wow, when he saw her it was so obvious that he was once in love with her (and maybe still). Not only by what he said but his body language - really showed what a great actor can do without even having to say all that much. I really miss seeing actors of his caliber in more of the movies coming out recently.

[–] pearlmode 9 years ago

Awesome post Loquacient!

I have had admirers just like everyone else I suppose. For example, one guy who I had just seen and not even talked to found me somehow, through the internet, asked me on a date and I was curious. He wasn't bad looking, came from a real good family and had a good career. We went out, had coffee but I couldn't feel the spark. II met him once again just to make sure if the spark was there or not but no it wasn't for me! So I just told him I wasn't interested. Though it didn't really stop him and asked me out several more times but finally he gave up. His behaviour never bothered me though. There were no bad signs. He was a romantic guy interested in music, writing poems and art. Now I was flattered yes. Did I freak out?! No!

So I totally agree with what you have said. In this age people go out, have dinner, drinks, have sex and bam! He doesn't call? Or he calls whenever he likes? Now that's notr ceeepy!? All around us is full of soul suckers, people who take advantage of others, selfish beings... How many times have I heard from my friends... Why doesn't he call!? I thought we had fun and he cared about me?! He was so attentive, listened to me and even opened up to me!? But what happened?! Well girl you've been used. Such dark ages indeed. People cannot differentiate the difference between a true interest and a fake one. Too blind to see, too afraid to grab the real possibilities.

As for the movie I think saying that he wasn't gonna donate the books, he was bluffing. He was not gonna give up. Plus she slept with him, he didn't force her... Her personal space in bed?! What are you talking about?! Plus their dialogue during that scene was quite playful. She didn't look unhappy or anything.

Generalizations. We love them don't we? If he pursues you and finds you, he's a stalker. If he is not into you, he's cool!

[–] CarusProductions 8 years ago

Yes! Because on an unconscious level most people don't feel they deserve to be with someone, so they prefer the person they can't have, rather than finding someone with whom there is a mutual attraction.

Karina Lafayette ~

[–] thulk01 8 years ago

Agree with most of what you said, although one could argue that it's not an entirely illogical distinction (creepy / not creepy) as it boils down to efficiency - you express your desire to take this woman out 4-5 times, she rejects the invitation and acts as if she dislikes you every time, so it's logical to conclude that she isn't interested; therefore continuing to pursue it would, on average, just annoy the woman so the behavior is socially unacceptable, leading people to classify those who continue to engage in it as "creepy."

For example if someone liked you, but you disliked him/her, yet he constantly called you and showed up at your house unannounced, you probably wouldn't like it, you would find it annoying, and you would class the person as "creepy."
Obviously in the movie it's a different story, but the "she's probably immortal and is rejecting me because she doesn't want to risk outliving me" explanation is so rare that you can't really assume that the person observing the interaction and making the classification would ever jump to that conclusion; they would jump to the much more likely explanation of "he's annoying and can't take a hint."

Of course, if the person doing it is rich and physically attractive, then most people would view it as far less "creepy" than if a poor and/or unattractive person did it, which is funny, but that's a completely different discussion.

Let me know if you have any additional thoughts or disagree with this.

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] tallard 8 years ago

I agree only with your final words:

RIP patriarchal civilisation

***So I've seen 4 movies/wk in theatre for a 1/4 century, call me crazy?**

[–] hvitlys 8 years ago

Thank you guys for this thread, I've been waiting for an excuse to voice my thoughts on the so called 'stalking' word that everyone uses today. And thank you to Loquacient, ShirleyShirleyShirley, pearlmode, etc. I pretty much agree with you.

The word STALKER has become OVERUSED and deprived of its real definition. This is my summary.

Nowadays everything is considered 'stalking', yet everybody posts all kinds of info, pics, and whatnot on themselves, on the internet, dumping all of this private information to be available for anyone to look (nothing wrong with that, HUH?! <sarcasm, obviously>)

I too am from another generation. I was born in the late 70s. And dude, chasing someone romantically has always been how it is, but you learn how to deal with it and say no or whatever you have to, if you don't like the person.
Nowadays it is chasing people over the internet, but from the safety of one's home, without the other person knowing (and that's not creepy at all, right?!).

I just honestly think this 'stalker'/'stalking' concept has blown out of proportion, to the point that any kind of tiny romantic pursuit is labelled as that. Recently, an American friend told me that it was so ridiculous to the point that a (girl)friend of his said that a guy he was stalking her just because he asked her to dance with him once. Hello?!

To me (and a bunch of dictionaries) being a stalker or stalking someone entails harassment, insecurity, crime, and whatnot. If it's a romantic pursuit, either take it as flattery, or try to tell the guy no, and at some point it will stop. And if it does go to the border of being dangerous, yes: then it is stalking. Otherwise, people should grow a pair and TALK, instead of acting in a passive-aggressive mode, hiding behind screens, and hey: LIVE. If you don't go after what you want, you will regret it later. Everybody I know say they regret the things they haven't done - because they didn't dare to. So someone who tries is now simply labelled as a stalker. Excuse me while I roll my eyes.

[–] mzanier 8 years ago

This was close to being insightful and offering an interesting perspective on social behavior. Instead, it's a preachy mess about people using twitter and everyone being slaves to media and big corporations, with a final flourish about the nature of language. Couldn't help but laugh at that though, completely absurd and totally unnecessary.

I do, however, agree with you in regards to the point of people not seeing him as romantic, the subject upon which this thread began. The most borderline offense he had was getting her address and actually going there. That's a bit sketchy in any era.

Sadly we live in a world where what was once standard courtship is now 'creepy', politeness is confused with flirting, and a poke on facebook shows your true intent. It's a new era and rules are different here. It kind of sucks, but at the same time I promise it's not going to be the downfall of society.

[–] Cowleasow 8 years ago

Well said!

[–] Eve_of_Destruction 8 years ago

Loquacient aside from some few minor insults I agree with your post. Especially the language part. It's sad really.

[–] xanxei 8 years ago

Bull. *beep*

when you see a man proving his deep affection

Where do you get this idea that a man should "prove his deep affection"? The level of his affection is completely irrelevant if she wants nothing to do with him. Or let me put this in general terms, so hopefully you'll grasp it without being blinded by your skewed view of men/women dynamics:

If you offer someone something and they say no, the civilised thing to do is respect their decision, not override it because you think you know better than them what they should do with their life. Good intentions don't matter - you respect their choice. Because it's theirs. Even if it's the wrong one. Basic manners, dude.

[–] LuckyBeerCamper 8 years ago

I don't entirely agree. People say no, when they really want to say yes, all the time. There is a balance. Using his position to get her address is over the line, nothing else he did was sketchy. She's giving signs that she is clearly interested, there is just a wall there. Sometimes it can be worth trying to break down that emotional wall.

***************
Vera Farmiga is underrated!

[–] ChrisOlliYo 8 years ago

Very well said paragraph. I'm horrified by the negative comments about this well-rendered movie which I enjoy very much.😙

[–] gladiator_mtl-768-247896 8 years ago

Finally someone that understands... We must be of the same generation.

[–] thomas196x2000 7 years ago

You are right on. When I read what the OP wrote, just one word came to mind SNOWFLAKE!

[–] bixby-80106 7 years ago

Huh. I just thought is a boring date movie that I could not even get through, not a dissertation on society.

[–] sklemetti-1 8 years ago

So women are really cold B---s. I hate when people call others creepy.

[–] xanxei 8 years ago

Well I hate it when people call others cold b!tches. See how that works?

Consider this, also: these cold b!tches are calling this one specific dude creepy for specific reasons (good ones). You just went ahead and called women (all of them) cold b!tches. Because you've probably behaved like this at some point and don't like it that it's apparently frowned upon. Well, sorry. You don't get to will/bully/badger/annoy/blackmail/nag women into liking you because you just want it really badly. Even if you think you're a decent guy and you'd be good for them, and even if you can be witty while you're badgering them.

That being said, I think maybe "creepy" IS the wrong word. I suppose "creepy" should include a threatening element, which this situation doesn't, but he was most certainly very rude and disrespectful. And actually, the blackmail probably did cross over into creepy. That was... no, yeah: creepy's the word.

[–] jeffmelchior4 9 years ago

Gee, you'd almost think it was some kind of movie or something.

[–] jones8557-1 9 years ago

And a blackmailer. He threatened not to donate the books if she didn't go out with him. His creepiness turned me off.

[–] gladiator_mtl-768-247896 8 years ago

You didn't notice it was sarcasm??? You must be fun at a party...

[–] Shaftell 9 years ago

I was going to make a similar post after finishing the movie. I don't think he was a stalker but he definitely was a little creepy. First off, I like the actor (from GOT) but I thought he needed a shave for this movie. Blake Lively looked so elegant in this movie and the male lead looked a little too unkempt. I definitely thought he was very pushy and also that the entire relationship moved incredibly fast. The worst is when he shows up at her workplace with donations and would only donate if she went out with him. I wish they portrayed him differently because I thought he was incredibly douchy.

[–] Jessical1992 9 years ago

I agree. At the beginning when he forced her on a date or threatened to not donate the books really turned me off. Not sure why the movie went in that direction. They could have made his character much more likable.

[–] liscarkat-2 9 years ago

Yeah, I thought he was annoying and too pushy. It was obvious she wasn't interested in becoming involved with him, yet he just kept putting pressure on her and insinuating himself into her life. It only worked because he was rich and (supposedly) attractive.

[–] Jessical1992 9 years ago

Agreed. What happened to making male leads in movies charming?

[–] winds10-2 9 years ago

And how about the s***ty joke he told? Maybe his character was meant to represent the ordinary banality, which the female lead longed for, cause, well, her life was pretty screwed, what with the eternal youth and all.

[–] Niphredil12 9 years ago

Absolutely agree, she rejected him (politely) multiple times and he just kept pushing. And the fact that he'd seen her before and already knew who she was before they met was just really creepy, especially when he manipulated her into going out with him for the books, and later finding out her home address which ew come on dude
I also agree that if he wasnt a conventionally attractive person, it wouldnt be defended by people. Appearance does not excuse creepiness

[–] lantzn 9 years ago

While I don't think him a stalker, I did think his pushy attitude was annoying. They could have done his part better.