MovieChat Forums > Basketball Wives (2010) Discussion > The Domestic Violence Survivor spat here...

The Domestic Violence Survivor spat here ...

posted 11 years ago by headrush67
46 replies | jump to latest

I've been reading the threads and posts here and, as always, there are 2 views on this topic.

Evelyn is a victim of Domestic Abuse at the hands of Ocho and the head-butt heard round the world. But in the same regard, she is an abuser herself. Chad head-butted her once. She sustained injuries from that attack. But she has also inflicted some damage on others, quite a few I will add, as well.

Evelyn is both a Domestic Abuse Victim and an Abuser. It's kinda hard to feel sorry for her when you know she was in his face yelling and pointing those fingernails at him for something he thought they were cool about ... the condoms and her agreeing that if he was with other women, she'd buy them. He obviously lost it. At the same time, we have all seen her literally jump from across a room to get at women who weren't even threating or physically provoking her.

She is definitely exploiting the Abuse thing. But when others have accused her of the same thing she sure is quick to dismiss their claims as invalid and scoffs at them accusing them of mere attempts at publicity/15mins of fame.

Personally, I think she should lay low on the Domestic Violence Survivor claims. Her comments on this show and twitter and (*fill in blanks*), (*), (*), ect, ... are transparent - she has nothing else to talk about. She is no champion for Domestic Violence Survivors but she seems to think she is. She survived 15 stitches to the head, a sh*t load of public embarrassment, and got the hell out of there quick. Her story pales in comparison to those who have suffered life threating situations.

just sayin'

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

So you agree, she is a domestic abuse victim now?

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

It's kinda hard to feel sorry for her when you know she was in his face yelling and pointing those fingernails at him for something he thought they were cool about ... the condoms and her agreeing that if he was with other women, she'd buy them. He obviously lost it.

Not really. You don't know that she was doing these things. It makes you feel like less of a cold person to assume that she was, to assign blame to her for his deplorable behavior rather than acknowledge that she was victimized, it wasn't her fault, and you have no sympathy for her for whatever reason.

But if she was getting loud and waving her hand, so? He's in control of his actions. Have people forgotten that, that despite the hype men are capable of controlling themselves?

[–] headrush67 11 years ago

'Hershe, I am not saying it was OK for him to head-butt her. He lost control and he head-butted her. He is guilty of Domestic Abuse. She is a Domestic Abuse Victim.

I am saying that given all we have seen of Evelyn's behavior it hard to feel sorry for her in regards to ppl she has abused and her dismissal of their claims. We have seen her temper and I don't see her having a rational discussion with Ocho upon the condom receipt finding. I do not believe she and he were sitting there 'talking' and he just out of the blue head-but her. There was most definitely a heated verbal exchange and 'hand to the face' action. I am not saying it is right in any way shape or form that he head-butted her. I am saying, it's hard to feel sorry for her.

As I said, Ocho is guilty of Domestic Abuse. Evelyn is a victim of Domestic Abuse. She did the right thing and got out there.

Do I think she is over-inflating the Domestic Violence Survivor theme she's on? - YES!

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

Now you're saying she's over inflating the survivor theme which would lend to some degree of her actually being a survivor which is different from saying she is NOT a survivor as you were stating. So either you feel she is or she isn't a survivor but there seems to be some contradiction there.

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

But to over inflate something would have to mean that there was something to begin with and now you're just milking it. Therefore as I said, you have to feel there's a hint of survivor in order to over inflate it. Survivor has to exist even if its on the most minimal level to get to over inflate it.

[–] headrush67 11 years ago

But to over inflate something would have to mean that there was something to begin with and now you're just milking it. Therefore as I said, you have to feel there's a hint of survivor in order to over inflate it. Survivor has to exist even if its on the most minimal level to get to over inflate it.

... reaching 'Ltay. You get an 'A' ... for Annoying - lol.

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] LilMissSupernaturalBitch 11 years ago

IMO, the difference between actual domestic violence survivors & Ev is that they put up with it for a long time & suffered many attacks whereas Ev only had one incident which was possibly brought on by her own actions. So for her to be milking the survivor things after just one incident is a bit of a stretch. The head butt wasn't a life threatening injury, she wasn't beaten within an inch of her life, etc that I'm sure a lot of the women who do identify themselves as DVS have.

* They don't know that we know they know we know!! *

[–] thelastpoet05 11 years ago

Oh, so I guess since my ex-boyfriend only beat me up once (and damn near blinded me in the process), it doesn't count. Is that what you're saying?

If you are reading this, you have just lost The Game.

[–] headrush67 11 years ago

Your need to pull contradictions out of every post is annoying 'Ltay.

I have stated in print, here on this thread, that Evelyn is a Domestic Abuse Victim.

I do not believe the title 'Domestic Abuse Survivor' is appropriate for the sole altercation that caused the head-butt. Yes, she survived. But I believe it is over-inflating and self serving on her part to use that term. She's trying to peddle some clothing so I guess she's gonna roll with though.

I survived having my wisdom tooth extracted. Should I use the term 'Wisdom Tooth Extraction Survivor' ... LMAO!

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

Honestly, I hope this doesn't sound rude but I really don't care what you find annoying. I don't Need to pull contradictions. I just realize when they're happening.

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

And yes, you would be a survivor of a wisdom tooth extraction! You're still alive and yeah, you could have died. It doesn't happen every day but it does happen.

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

Hey, I agree to disagree. I'm going to bed now. Goodnight all. Be blessed!

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

I do not believe the title 'Domestic Abuse Survivor' is appropriate for the sole altercation that caused the head-butt. Yes, she survived. But I believe it is over-inflating and self serving on her part to use that term.

So, does being raped one time make you rape survivor or must you be raped numerous times? Do you have to be raped by a stranger to be a survivor or an acquaintance or lover? If you're forced upon and had your clothes ripped off but no sex took place, are you a survivor of sexual violence?

Do you see where I'm going here? With some respect, who in the hell are you or anyone to determine who is or is not a proper survivor? That kind of invalidating, minimizing, and silencing is why women continue to suffer the shame of being a victim long after the act is over.

ETA: I also find it insulting that you refer to her being attacked as a spat. A spat is a petty argument, not a headbutt and stitches.

[–] headrush67 11 years ago

'Hershe, ease up girl.

ETA: I also find it insulting that you refer to her being attacked as a spat. A spat is a petty argument, not a headbutt and stitches.

I meant the spat on this board. Reread the OP.

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

Ease up? In order to do that I'd have be uptight and I am not. Perhaps you should heed your own suggestions. Girl.

No need to reread your post. Your position, though weak and irrational, is quite clear. Thread title, maybe not so much.

[–] headrush67 11 years ago

'Hershe,

But you do understand, I did not call the incident with Evelyn and Chad a spat, correct? So there would be no need to be insulted that I insinuated that the Domestic Violence was 'a spat'.

The title of the thread is .... 'The Domestic Violence Survivor spat here ...' And when you read the post, it begins with my observations of the two views on this topic - 'here' on this board. It's pretty clear.

And to 'thepoet, I don't think anyone is arguing that Evelyn is not a victim of Domestic Violence. I personally don't think it is right for any man to hit a woman under any circumstances. But, I have a hard time feeling sorry for her for the many, many, many reasons stated on this thread alone. Evelyn stated herself that Chad had to restrain her during that fight. And that's exactly what it was ... a fight, she was physically assaulting him. He lost it - it was wrong. He paid the price. Forever that man will be listed as a wife beater.

But sad to say ... I think she is working the Domestic Abuse 'Survivor' angle to peddle her media hungry self promotion.

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

Ok, well, do you understand that even though you didn't intend to refer to the incident as a "spat" you might as well have? What, with all the minimizing throughout your posts.

Goodnight.

[–] headrush67 11 years ago

I do not consider the Domestic Violence between Evelyn & Chad a spat.

As far your evaluation of my posts, you take anyway you want to.

I think Evelyn is trying to make a buck off of the only incident where Chad, and I quote, 'had to restrain' her from her attack on him and then he head-butted her. She's all about the cash ...

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

So she's an imperfect victim. A wild, hollering, quick-tempered person is still a victim and no less of a victim than a meek, timid, passive victim.

Her being loud and aggressive toward cast members on a reality show does not mean she acts that way toward others, especially those that she's close to, like a husband who had physically intimidated her before, when no cameras are around.

Just like a parent could be abusive toward their own children but wouldn't think to touch others' children or vice versa. It's a different dynamic with a different set of boundaries.

You're saying it's not right that her attacked her but that because you assume she was getting loud with him that it's difficult to feel sorry for her. Sorry. I don't follow the logic.

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

Are you kidding??? First of all, it's not just that a Man hit her - it was her HUSBAND who hit her. The very one that signed on to be her lover and protector. Which one of those women that she had spats with agreed to what CHad did when he took those vows? I'm sorry but there is no way that society and rightfully so, will ever hold a girl on girl fight to the same standard as a male on woman fight.

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

There is no relationship on earth that holds the same weight and value as a marriage. So I believe I've answered all your replies with that one. She was wrong for all of her actions against any of those women. However to answer your question, no friendship holds the same weight as your marriage.

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

Right.

An altercation with a friend, acquaintance, or stranger of the same sex and gender is one thing.

An altercation with an intimate partner is another.

[–] headrush67 11 years ago

I do agree with you 'Ltay in that marriage and abuse is not the same as bff's and abuse. But Evelyn's attitudes towards her friends/former friends and many of their plights with their hubby's was off the charts callous ... You can bet some of those former bff's are thinking karma's a bit*h right now.

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

Well, if her former friends were really friends, better friends or people than she is, they wouldn't be gloating over the fact that someone they once dearly loved was bashed in the head by her husband. Who does that? If that is what her former friends or anyone is thinking, what kind of karma do they expect in return?

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

Listen this is going places that it probably shouldn't, however a Christian and my basis for saying that there is no other relationship that holds the same weight as marriage is biblical. The word doesn't say you're one with your children, however it does say this about your spouse. Now the issue here is that not everyone puts the weight on a marriage that they should. Your spouse is before everyone in the world. Matter of fact, your children are supposed to come out of the union of your marriage. Therefore, it is the union that is first. That is the proper order of things. Now I only went here so you'd know it's about God's set up with me. So before you start saying what's sad, etc. try and think about some things. Now of course if God and Christianity isn't your premise then I wouldn't expect understanding. Now I really am going to bed. Have a good night.

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

Well, I certainly don't agree with that. AT ALL. I don't care how you interpret the Word. Your child is of YOUR flesh. Your foremost duty is to your child. This whole forsaking all others (including your own damn kids) bit has been skewed and twisted, imo. I doubt God is pleased when a woman (or in fewer instances, a man) forsakes her child and allows him or her to mistreated, abused, and killed by her husband. Unfortunately we see this all too much.

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

Now when did I say you should forsake your children? And when did I say that abuse or any of the like was ok? I guess I assumed (incorrectly) that anyone would know that I and I believe God for that matter is speaking about a Godly marriage. Yes your children are of YOUR flesh but the word says you BECOME that spouse as in One. This is in no way means you forsake te children. It's just the order of the household. That doesn't mean you subject yourself or the children to abuse. How was that gleaned?

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] LaWanda74 11 years ago

Honestly Hershe i think that you are trying to champion the cause with out looking real deep into the facts.

I understand that you wish the stress the fact that a woman of DV should be supported. But you are dismissing the fact that she is a perpetrator of violence herself.

So why is the fat that a man hit her so vile. So much more so than What she did to Jennifer or Kenya?

Thank You! The sanctimonious attitude of some people is funny to say the least. It's as if they are incapable of looking at a situation from another point of view. Not to mention, insult or disregard any opinion that doesn't align with theirs. There are so many women crying "domestic violence" and they contributed to the situation. They make it hard for the real DV victims/survivors.

Evelyn let it slip that Chad had to "restrain" her during the confrontation. So is it so hard to believe that this story is not as black and white as some want it to be. The head butt was childish and unnecessary, for the record.

Revenge is like serving Cold Cuts.....Tony Soprano

[–] thepoet26 11 years ago

I agree, Hershe. I really don't 'get' the argument here. Regardless of whether we like Evelyn as a person or not, the fact remains that she was HEAD BUTTED by her husband! That makes her a victim of domestic violence, plain and simple. I don't care if she got loud and waved her hands or not. There isn't a reason big enough to justify a man doing what he did to her.

If I can't raise my voice without my husband throwing hands or worse yet, head butting me, then something is wrong with that picture.

Namu Myoho Renge Kyo

[–] Hershe 11 years ago

Pretty much, Poet.

This is futile. Hope you're well!

OT: I always get you and 'thelastpoet' confused but I think I've talked with both of you about race in the Caribbean, namely the Dominican Republic. Are you aware of the DR Constitutional Court's most recent act of indignity toward DR-born Haitians? I'll PM the link.

[–] perfect_lover2012 11 years ago

I'm still confused as to why she married him anyway when he spent every second on the show being incredibly crass and rude to her, and not to mention the way he looked at her daughter. I have no problem with Evelyn not wanting people to joke about the headbutt or wanting to bring awareness to the issue but everything with this woman is calculated and underhanded. She's also incredibly hypocritical, she expects an amount of respect that she shows no other human being. She enjoys kicking people when they are down ie Kenya, Royce, Jen etc and she laughed at Gloria having a domestic dispute but she can't handle a taste of her own medicine. She's definitely exploiting the abuse for fame and attention which I find distasteful. Basically, I feel that Chad is a disgusting human being and she is as well.

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

I believe I agree.

[–] headrush67 11 years ago

'perfect_lover2012,

Well said. I agree with everything in your post. Especially Evelyn's attitude towards Gloria's situation. That is one of the many reasons I find it hard to feel sorry for her.

*tigers love pepper, they hate cinnamon*

[–] 11 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Ltay328 11 years ago

It is definitely not ok. None of it is. But does this mean she doesn't deserve any empathy. Lets pray that she will get to the point where she realizes her errors of the past and that now she is in the same situation that those women were in. I just don't understand why anyone with true compassion would not empathize with anyone who has been harmed at any point, regardless of what they've done in the past.

[–] tlavairt-1 11 years ago

That woman was pretty. I couldn't believe that Evelyn did that and it was unprovoked. Then she followed after the poor woman. That was my first clue that Ev was cray-cray.

"If you are what you eat... I could be you by morning."

[–] LaWanda74 11 years ago

I find this interesting

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence

Domestic violence, also known as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, battering, family violence, dating abuse, and intimate partner violence (IPV), is a pattern of behavior which involves the abuse by one partner against another in an intimate relationship such as marriage, cohabitation, dating or within the family.[1] Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation.[1][2]

Alcohol consumption[3] and mental illness[4] can be co-morbid with abuse, and present additional challenges in eliminating domestic violence. Awareness, perception, definition and documentation of domestic violence differs widely from country to country, and from era to era.

Domestic violence and abuse is not limited to obvious physical violence. Domestic violence can also mean endangerment, criminal coercion, kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment, trespassing, harassment, and stalking

The sad thing is Evelyn is guilty of several of these offenses. Not only was she physically abusive, she stalked and harassed Suzie to the point Suzie changed her phone number. This was season 2. So, I stand by my statement when I say "spare me Evelyn"

Revenge is like serving Cold Cuts.....Tony Soprano