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What I Learned Watching 'Ferocious Planet'

posted 13 years ago by GreenInkBrigade
34 replies | jump to latest

1. Don't poke the alien.

2. When going on a recon mission on a hostile dimension, take along someone wearing high heels

3. In the "most important science experiment ever," the control board will look like something drawn by a third grader and the equipment will look like an old vacuum cleaner.

4. When the machine is your only way of getting home and should not be damaged in any way, always have the skinniest guy in the group schlep it over rough ground.

5. Monsters in alien dimensions kill randomly and for no reason (apparently not for food).

6. Foghorn Leghorn would make a lousy book narrator.

7. Don't drop the egg.

[–] therealshapeshifter 13 years ago

8. Keep firing your ineffectual gun because later on, when you need bullets, it will create more dramatic tension that they're gone.

[–] VartanD 13 years ago

9: Guns continually need recocking because they mysteriously become uncocked every time the scene shifts. Joe what's his name cocked his, worked the slide, three times in one scene alone without ever firing a shot between them.

10: Even after you run out of bullets, keep carrying the empty gun and pointing it at everything threateningly.

[–] peteranderson975 13 years ago

This is so true and so annoying. The solution to every problem in badly written hack jobs like this is to keep shooting guns even when that does nothing at all.

[–] redkeno 13 years ago

11. When something is clearly a cell tower, head towards it convincing yourself that it's actually intelligent alien life. Also, ignore the parking meters leading the way.

Fate is what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over.

[–] therealshapeshifter 13 years ago

12. If it's a really really really bad movie, don't bother writing or filming an ending.

[–] Chaplain-Kenneth 13 years ago

13. Our alternate dimensions are inhabited by the crossed offspring of Tyranids and Gluttonous Behemoths.
14. Said 'Nids and Glutts do not like having their eggs stolen.

_____________
"Here, throw these!"
"What are they? Gas Grenades?"
"No, its Cat food!"

[–] Devils_Mentor 13 years ago

15. Reinforced concrete walls in underground rooms are pervious to hand gun rounds.
16. Said rooms have exterior windows
17. You light military issued smoke grenades with a lighter
18. Mud from quicksand in parallel universes do not stick to clothing
19. The SyFy TV shows have better writers, directors, budget, hell better everything than the SyFy Movie department does
20. If you are transported to another parallel universe, the room that you are in will be transported with you and it will still have power.
21. Asylum movies might very well be better than SyFy movies
22. When in a room made of reinforced concrete fall like a house of cards all around you, everything BUT said concrete will land on you.
23. I can come up with another 20 point, but will give someone else the opportunity to poke fun.

DM

"" luoS siH eM dloS liveD ehT ""

[–] aucarter 13 years ago

24. Irish Doctors with cold personalities suddenly warm up when whisked away into another dimension!

[–] Bel_Zedar 13 years ago

Now, funnily enough, that one IS true.

The male ones turn into demanding, obnoxious frat boys and the female ones turn into shrill, insistent ballbreakers. Warm enough for you?

[–] tbonesays 12 years ago

They warm up with a dimension of whiskey.

[–] SteveGreen 12 years ago

"15. Reinforced concrete walls in underground rooms are pervious to hand gun rounds.
"16. Said rooms have exterior windows."

Pretty sure someone said that room was actually on the third storey.

[–] mrsalonen 11 years ago

Third story underground. Also, the reinforced concrete walls seemingly turned to flakeboard upon dimension travelling :)

[–] Promontorium 8 years ago

They were cardboard on the inside, concrete on the out. While inside the whole place crumpled and the doors were particle board, and you could shoot through the wall with neat giant holes, but on the outside it was a bunker.

[–] dist_roy 12 years ago

"21. Asylum movies might very well be better than SyFy movies "

It's so sad that this is true.

[–] SteveGreen 12 years ago

"12. If it's a really really really bad movie, don't bother writing or filming an ending."

How about, don't bother watching it?

[–] pcqgod 13 years ago

When the room you're in is transported into an alien dimension, think twice about opening the door and stepping outside.

Live through the Shadow Tear at the Shadow Hate in the Shadow and Love in your Shadowy Life

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]

[–] GracieValenti 13 years ago

27) Joe Flanigan's still hot!

[–] PedroMGA 13 years ago

i didnt saw the movie but this thread is definitely better than a review :P

[–] bandarhm 13 years ago

28. You can both use the multiplication sign and ignore it in the same equation.
29. Sometimes 'division by one' matters.
30. To convince a congress man of your scientific project, state explicitly that you're "one of the smartest scientists in the world".
31. Parking meters are ubiquitous in parallel universes.
32. In parallel universes, eggs has various different sizes, despite the fact they are produced by the same animal.
33. In parallel universes, dinosaurs have many eyes.
34. In parallel universes, dinosaurs take hours to drink.

[–] Clemicus 13 years ago

When concrete structures fall, the pieces either disintegrate or change into styrofoam.
Giant dinosaurs from an alternative dimension, can sneak up on you without being noticed
When transported back to your dimension, seemingly nothing will be transported back along with you.
When trying to fight back a dinosaur from an alternative dimension, pick up a brittle stick (that will snap within seconds of picking it up).
Depending on the angle, sink holes will look smaller.

[–] rbfrules86 13 years ago

You can make as many references to the TV Show "Sliders" as long as you have a former character in the movie

[–] omgicantbelieveyousaidth 13 years ago

35. Two pissed dinosaurs and one alien from the Resistance games is enough to deem a whole planet ferocious.
36. Pissed dinosaurs are bullet proof everywhere.
37. 50 gallons of water fit snuggly with a portable fusion reactor.
38. In other dimensions ammonia forms an acid instead of a base.
39. Pissed dinosaurs decorate their nests with sheep skulls.
40. Before you fall into quicksand, make sure to spin around 180 degrees before you fall forward.

[–] ughmoretodealwith 12 years ago

Ammonia can act as a weak acid due to it's protic nature. If ammonia was part of a compound in the alien body it could very become a nasty poisonous acid.

Christians call it faith ... I call it the herd.
-- Friedrieh Wilhelm Nietzsche

[–] dan-of-old 11 years ago

41. Alien dinosaurs cannot pierce a plywood main door.

[–] Promontorium 8 years ago

re: 36. I think there was one single shot, in the whole film, where he hits an eye or a nostril from through the bunker and it clearly does a slight bit of damage and blood could be seen.

[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] imagestic-1 12 years ago

43. You can buy Dr. Fast a drink with the change you got from the parking meter.
44. That damned IRS is everywhere.

[–] nina_kida 12 years ago

45. you can be pierced with a metal rod on your shoulder, take it out cold blooded, and act like nothing happened 5 minutes later.

[–] SteveGreen 12 years ago

"When going on a recon mission on a hostile dimension, take along someone wearing high heels"

To be fair, when she put those shoes on that morning, she wasn't expecting to travel to an alien dimension.

[–] LetheL 9 years ago

"When going on a recon mission in a hostile dimension, don't bring a change of clothes, because apparently you will repel any and all mud, dirt, gore, water, quicksand - your clothes will stay completely spotless (until and unless a Big Bad slices you in two or guts you - and then you won't need to change anyway)."

Lethe