Dire! Cannibal movie with no cannibalism. And no logic.
*****Some spoilers...but who cares?*****
"We are what we are" - 1/5
According to some ponce of a critic (who of course never has to pay to see the films) this "Does for Cannibals what 'Let the Right One In' did for Vampires".
Well yes...That's if "Let the Right One In" made vampires supremely stupid, grossly obnoxious to spend any time with and had them never actually drink anyone's blood!
Yep, meet a supposed "Cannibal gore-fest" (a critical quote taken out of context!) that features NO...I repeat...NO cannibalism!
A family of obnoxious cannibals live in Mexico (more on that later!) and utterly rely on (and I do mean utterly rely on) their Father to 'bring home the meat'.
Sadly (or not) though Daddy drops down dead one day and the family (two brothers, a sister and a mum) go into panic mode wandering what to do.
It seems they have to (nothing here is made remotely clear) perform a cannibalistic ritual to stop them...er...er...going a bit nuts?
Like I said, things here are as clear as mud.
After a lot of moaning, fighting and shouting the two brothers eventually kidnap a hooker and bring her home.
After a lot of moaning, fighting and shouting the mum (who don't like dem whores) bashes the hooker's head in.
After a lot of moaning, fighting and shouting WE came to the conclusion it was desperate they get food before tomorrow...and we waited ages for them to get some.
But what do they do with this nice fresh street walker? Carve her up for snacks 'n' nibbles? Put the rest in the fridge for treats?
No.
They put her in a sack and dump her right back on the hooker filled street they got her from!
In their own car, with the number plate in full view, no less.
So a lot of moaning, fighting and shouting later (we are now an hour into this dross) the older brother goes all male "Looking for Mr Goodbar" and we are suddenly watching a gay cruising film.
Eventually...eventually...we have some action when the brother and the mum both turn up with potential victims.
Some brief but choice violence later it looks like we may have some cannibal funstuffs AT LAST.
Cue slightly yucky butchery sequence.
But, thanks to some generally rubbish cops, the utter uselessness of the cannibals themselves and some seemingly psychic vengeful hookers, things don't go to plan so...NO ONE gets eaten!
Hell, even when the film gives itself a chance to show the very hot sister naked (to wake us up at least!!) it fails to do it!
The view of Mexico here must make the Minister for Tourism (if there is one) go pale.
Mexico is constantly showed as nothing but a crap-hole filled with junker buses, slums, crap Cops, common cannibalism, predatory Homosexuals, foul looking hookers and gangs of homeless kids.
Nothing else.
This glowing view of Mexico is best summed up by the fact that when the Coroner (or what passes for one here) finds a finger in Dad's dead stomach (why would you even eat a boney, nail varnished, finger anyway!!??) it's treated as just another person munching on another person occurrence! Duh!
As if this is a common annoyance in Mexico that the Cops either don't care about or only care about if cracking the case will get them money! OH...That's when the Cops aren't shooting each other!
Dull, slow for no valid narrative reason, populated by empty/obnoxious characters, non-event set-pieces, filled with glaring plot holes and logic farts and worse even than all that...no cannibalism in what is meant to be a cannibal film..."We are what we are" may have a couple of briefly satisfying icky moments and a very good 'sister with an axe' shock shot that's nice, but otherwise this is a total fail (just because it has subtitles does not change that).
Meaning this becomes one of the most frustratingly unsatisfying movies I've seen for years quite frankly.
Avoid.
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