96) Everybody lives within running distance of the Mayflower.
95) Cops can read your name in quarter inch high letters from across the street, figure out where you live, go by there, then go to your work in the time it takes you to jog to your dad's house and then back to work.
94) Cops say that young women up and leave all the time to start new lives so they won't have to file a missing person case.
93) You can cut your eyes out with a pizza cutter.
92) Shower doors aren't made out of safety glass.
91) Some women wear crotch pasties (see 20:20) to shower.
90) Giant department stores look like museums with no merchandise in them.
89) All basements have dripping noises.
88) When a ghost flashlight shining on a handbill outside turns off, it sounds like a giant searchlight switched off.
87) When you see the ghost of a murdered woman crawl out of a mirror, grab her murderer, pull him into the mirror, slaughter him, and then shatter the mirror, you just say "we did it" and then casually walk away. No "WTF JUST HAPPENED!?!?"
86) Your shrink will ask you "did you take those pills I gave you?" because she can't remember the name of the medication.
85) Standard policy for management to motivate new employees is to drug and rape them.
84) There are security cameras in bathrooms.
83) An employee ID badge is considered important evidence that needs to bagged and tagged.
82) If a patient reports to his psychiatrist that he's hallucinating, she determines that's how he deals with feelings of guilt and that he's not schizophrenic.
81) When your Achilles tendon gets sliced, you grab your knee in pain.
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instran1
13 years ago
80) If your left boob is larger than your right boob, your character is played by an actress, whose career will soon be over
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be236
13 years ago
I liked your item #90:
90) Giant department stores look like museums with no merchandise in them.
...so true... and when the guard is there at night, he keeps the lights turned off (doesnt bother to turn them on as he does his rounds)... geez.
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Musicbear
12 years ago
79. When your son is recovering from trauma and drug abuse the best way to help him is to give him a lonely night job (that drove the previous employee crazy and almost killed him).
78. Rotting bodies don't smell, even after two months.
77. Sisters who are soulmates won't lift a finger to help when the other one is getting strangled.
76. Crawling into the backseat of a driving car is easier than reaching out and just grabbing the backpack.
75. Cutting your heels will unable you to crawl on your knees.
74. When someone is in danger, running across town is better than taking a cab or calling 911.
73. When the police DO take an interest in what's going on, don't tell them anything.
72. A slice of pizza needs to be sliced again and again.
71. Ghosts can show you images with sound of things that are about to happen, but they won't speak or write when it comes to information that could actually be useful.
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