News crawl at bottom of screen

Here's what it says:
Reports of 'flying house' floods police phones... Local birthday parties suffer from citywide helium drought... Construction pile driving drives city insane...Entertainment news: Charles Muntz biopic in production... Carl Fredrickson {sic} charged with 'assault with an elderly weapon'... Fredrickson's {sic} sentence reduced due to senior citizen discount... Report: South America just like America, but south... Study shows 80 is the new 30...