So she gave up her whole life to him... lost her family home... lived a horriable frightening homless life only to apologigize to him??????
SICK!!
sad... lonely...
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I think the title means that her love wasn't enough for him to stop drinking. He had to go to other outlets to get his drinking under control. I think in the movie there was a line Lois said, "My love wasn't enough for you to stop drinking?" or something to that effect.
Violence Is The Last Refuge Of The Incompetent
Perhaps we see this film differently then. I saw it as a story of someone who long endured, hoping against hope she could change him. In the end, when he found help in another direction - helping other drunks, Lois turned that heartache and suffering into something positive by helping the wives of the men her husband was trying to help. In fact, only someone who had endured what she did would be ABLE to offer help to those other women.
Her apologizing to Bill at the end wasn't solely for his benefit but also for her own peace of mind. In AA/Al-Anon/12 Step Programs it's called cleaning up your own side of the street.
I understand what you are saying, and I'm the mother of a gaming addict so believe me I understand addiction, but what I didn't get was when she held him in her arms and she said "I want to apoligize to you". I knew what this means, I've attended Gam-anon and you make it about YOU and not the person with the addiction and you follow your own program in order not to enable.
So I would have rather heard her say "I want to apologize for not kicking your ass to the curb 20 years ago, I want to apologize for enabling you and going to pick you up when you fell down, I want to apologize for having to hide money under the sink, THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR".
I never did understand why a wife or husband of an alcoholic (or anyone else), has to make amends. "Cleaning up your own side of the street", is commendable, but he was the one who needed to clean up. I mean, she worked, she paid bills.
All he did was get falling down drunk, THEN HE LOST THEIR HOME.
Good Lord.
"Cleaning up your own side of the street", is commendable, but he was the one who needed to clean up. I mean, she worked, she paid bills.
All he did was get falling down drunk, THEN HE LOST THEIR HOME.
He did clean up by getting sober. She realized at the end that he suffered from an illness ~ he COULDN'T stop. She tried everything to get him to stop but he had to stop for himself. She was 'making amends' for her part ~ she didn't realize that he had a true disease and treated him poorly; she had resentments against what he put her through. Resentment kills ~ that's what the AA and Al-anon programs teach ~ in order for her to rid herself of her resentments, she needed to see her part in them (we all play a part in a resentment whether it's holding onto it, using it to play victim, etc.)and get rid of it via amends. It's an interesting concept and works for many, many, hundreds of thousands of people.
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What??!!
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See..maybe that is what I am missing... what happiness? all I saw was her becoming a martyr to him and his cause...lost in his recovery in his problem in his needs in his life...
happy? I saw little...holding her breath waiting for the next relasp the next broken promise? I just don't understand where the joy and love was.
I don’t normally come back to look at responses to comments, but this is a worthwhile discussion.
I did see some happiness in their life and marriage. It is what drew them together and it is what Lois longed to have back in her life. That is one of the sad dynamics of living with someone who has an addiction. Spouses and families often think if there was only something THEY could do different; the addicted person would stop their addiction and return to normal.
That is why the First Step in AA and Al-Anon are the same – “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.” (Substitute any addiction or addictive process like gambling for alcohol.)
I will go one step further in stating one other difficulty here. We are looking through a 2010 lens at a story set in the early 20th century – from 1914 to 1951 – when women did not have the same rights and standing in our society. A woman in Lois Wilson’s time would be highly unlikely to “kick her husband to the curb” no matter how bad things got.
That is no doubt part of what is behind her apology to Bill. The other aspect is making amends to oneself. Spouses and families who are co-dependents often feel angry at being powerless to make the addict stop and also angry at themselves for staying on and trying to help instead of leaving.
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part?
the whole movie was about her and how her life was sucked up by her husbands...
You gotta remember, this was in the 20's & 30's. People didn't divorce back then. THANK GOD Lois stood by him (yes, today we would say she was co-dependent, etc., but back then no one knew what to do as evidenced by her struggles in the movie but there was never any question that she loved him) ~ she gave alot of herself for him but also for so many others and gained herself in the process. Some people live their whole lives never reaching that part of themselves.
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See that is a misconception people did get divorced back then... the rate was not as high as it is today... but yes they did...and she had a very supportive progressive family...she had a college education...she even left for a little while....I hope my daughter's are strong enough to step over a drunk and say "yep I love you but I love myself and my own goals more I am out of here"..
share"yep I love you but I love myself and my own goals more I am out of here"..
Yes. Today, in an enlightened world, there is no reason for women, or anyone for that matter, to put up with what Lois did. I'm glad she did, though. She helped to keep families together to work through the wreckage the disease leaves behind.
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What??!!
I know this is an extremely old post but I had to comment. I think that what they both did was amazing and yes it didn't come easy but they help create two of the most famous and successful clubs in the world. Being a member of AA myself I am extremely grateful they both put in the effort.
I would draw a very faint parallel to the work of Christ (now it doesn't matter if you believe in him or not just stick with me). We could quite easily say, here was a guy who only ever tried to do good, in fact worked miracles and what did people do? They nailed him to a cross until he died. Sad life! What was the point? My point is that the effect that one (or two) people can have is incredible. Their legacy will be felt for a long time.