Don't see this movie!

My buddies and I thought we'd watch this movie last night. Unfortunately I got held up at work and was a coupla hours late arriving. When I entered the house it was quiet. Too quiet. Nervously I peered into the room. To my horror I saw my two friends lying on the couch with frozen expressions on their faces. Their limbs were splayed out at odd angles. I ran across to them and checked for any signs of life. Was that a faint pulse? Hard to tell as their bodies were completely rigid. Rigor mortis, I thought in a panic.

I instantly called 911 and in no time they were whisked to hospital where an hour or so later I watched with a heavy heart as a grim-faced doctor walked towards me.

"Give it to me straight,Doc", I said in a choked voice. "They're dead, aren't they?". His face became even grimmer as he rasped out, "Dead? Whatever made you think that?"

"Your face!", I replied angrily. "Dyspepsia", he grimaced. "It's the way I always look."

My relief was palpable. "So they're OK?", I said.

"No, no, they're dead, I was just surprised you knew. What were your friends doing tonight?"

"They watched a movie.", I croaked out, limp with shock

"Know its name? No,wait a minute, don't tell me, let me guess. The Penitent Man, right?"

"Yeah", I answered wonderingly. "But how did you know? What the hell happened to my friends, Doctor?"

"I knew because I've been dealing with the fall-out from this damn film all week. Want to know what happened to your friends?"

He fixed me with his glaring eyes and roared,

"Your friends were bored stiff, bored rigid and finally bored to death!"

I reeled. Strangely I heard a scream in the background. Then I realized the scream was my own.

Do not watch this film! For the love of God, do not watch this film!