MovieChat Forums > Contraband (2012) Discussion > 100 things I learned from Contraband

100 things I learned from Contraband


1. Kate B and Mark love each other they only mentioned it every scene.
2. Salt dissolves in water.
3. Cops in Panama are not very good at their jobs.
4. Driving a van in front of an amoured truck can only be done by a seasoned professional.
5. They can load and unload freighters very fast these days.

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6. Dropping anchors didn't work in Speed 2 or Contraband

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7. In Panama City, crimes like heists are an everyday thing.
8. If Mark says he's coming for you, he's coming for you, no matter what film he's in.
9.Kate's head can be attacked brutally from every angle, but it's okay, because Mark is on the way home.

http://twitter.com/#!/MJSalam
http://soundcloud.com/mjsalam
Have a listen!

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12) If you're a drug dealer who buys $700,000 in drugs, you'll live in a crap-hole apartment with your daughter that probably costs $75 a month in rent.

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13. Duct tape masks are practical and wouldnt hurt at all
14. It is very easy to tell which key is someones house key on a chain of 10 keys
15. You need a blueprint for a ship you have been on a dozen times
16. If 3 drug dealers break into your house you also get handcuffed

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17. After you have been violently attacked by a crazy drug dealer for the 2nd time...#1 on your to do list is to leave your kids and go get their soccer cleats.

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That and the fact that the real drug dealers probably said they got the drugs from inside the rug doctor which was inside buddy's car!

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Get out of Here movie was terrible most un realistic pos....it was gone in sixty seconds 2 but a hundred times worse

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[deleted]

Every movie merits one of these threads it's called humour. Which you clearly have some of because you think Contraband is 'agreat f-ckin flick'. Seriously?

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18. Hollywood will keep making this stupid kind of movies and Mark W will be acting in more crap movies in near future

'We only against the things we're guilty of'

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19. Although he got his friend killed, your wife attacked and, your children threatened (with a gun), it's still cool to have Uncle Andy over to play soccer with the kids.

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20. Running an 80,000 ton freighter into a dock in Panama will get you yelled at, but that's about it.

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21. Kate Beckinsale, be it blonde or brunette, looks terrific!
22. You're waiting to get rammed by an armored truck but you don't wear your seat belts up until the last few seconds.
23. Good guys are just bad guys that never get caught.
24. J.K. Simmons looks like Donald Sutherland's twin brother.


P.S. - About loading containers - It's true. They can load and unload ships very fast in some ports. Sometimes about 60 to 70 in one hour. That's one every minute.

Some info - Records for the fastest work have been set, the recent one being an unloading of 104 containers per hour (Hong Kong, 1982)

- In March 2010, at Port Klang in Malaysia, a new world record was set when 734 container moves were made in a single hour.

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25. if your family was threatened by a dangerous drug dealer, you should go abroad and leave them completely unprotected so that anyone can break in, even though you put alarm protection on other people's homes

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26- Panama SWAT forces can shoot a guy in a pickup truck but cannot shoot 2 adult men lying totally out in the open in the trunk of the pickup.


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27: Cooking at McDonalds is a big step down from cooking on a ship.

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28. The ship guard will not bother doing roll-call on the crew and never thought for a second how you get back on the ship

29. Every ship-captain has a special vacuum cleaner that he will bring along to his ship

30. The authorities will check everyone else & their belongings but never the captain nor his vacuum cleaner.

31. Apparently, the captain thinks nothing of cleaning his vacuum cleaner of the dirty water after it was used.

32. You can easily get away from the compound surrounded by police & that you know the street of Panama to make it back to the dock just intime

33. Apparently no one will noticed a big van driving into the container and why the doors was ajar. This is normal it seems to the guy that was walking past when the van was in the container

34. A clean smelling van will make everyone suspicious of it for no apparent reason. But they don't bother to check the blood stains on the driving seat where the bad guy died from the bullet wound

35. Bag of drugs tossed over the ship into the sea will drown in matter of nano-seconds and you can breathe easily knowing you the authorities will never be able to find it

36. Marky Mark will speak & act the same in every of his movies and audiences will still pay to see him.


'We only against the things we're guilty of'

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37. The best way to keep a smuggler motivated is to keep assaulting his wife and kids.

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38. Apparently it is unsafe for you to bring along the van nor the money when meeting the big boss but it is ok to leave it to bro-in-law though the van is parked in the crook's compound and with baddies manning the gates with machine guns.

39. Apparently all it takes is just less than a week for you to apply for a job with the US Custom and to be assigned to the same ship you once worked at

40. Apparently, the ship officer will check everyone else bag returning to the ship but not your bro in-law who was carrying bag fulls of drug

41. US Custom will let you con't working on the ship even though they saw you toss a bag out into the sea to avoid being captured.


'We only against the things we're guilty of'

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42. If you tell a dumb youngster via cellphone to get "the stuff", in Panama that is like a GPS implant in his head. So he gets out of a guarded compound on foot to get "the stuff" from someone he only knows by name because his head-gps knows every trail in South America

43. In Panama dumb youngsters on foot are lightning-fast. At least fast enough to easily outrun a multimillion people city on the way to get "the stuff" and back to the docks just in time. Easy!

44. Your new co-star only needs oneliners and two expressions to be your co-star. (okay, it's obvious.. I HATE Lukas Haas from the bottom of my heart!)

45. In South America the response time for special police details such as SWAT is something like five minutes. All over the place on any given time of day or night and throughout the whole week. Even if your armored truck is operated by a private company which has no links to the police but to call a regular 911 emergency in first.

46. There are always armed robberies to compensate if you happen to fall short a few thousand bucks on a counterfeit money deal. It's like that in most parts of the world.

47. If your best friend and former partner smuggles drugs on the side you as his best friend, closest ally and former big boss shotcaller in the smuggling business would never know. Because you are that dumb.

48. Every best friend wants to do your wife when he is drunk. These guys are made like that.

49. If a major scene in a film with a near-crashing containership contains a shot with the braking system of a vessel don't bother to book an expert for consultation on that. Just pretend for the audience that the ship will not be able to brake without pressure - just like your average car or motorcycle. We believe you.

50. Every distrusted and therefore demoted shipsboy has full access to the bridge of a ship without any supervision whatsoever.

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51. customs know nothing about art/dont check vans before an auction

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52.

Its ok to sell a painting for 20 million and laugh about it when 4 innocent guards died protecting it

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53. If selling a van involved in a crime, the auction company will never clean it and will just leave a 120M art work in the back...

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54. if the plan to stop an armored truck is to have the armored truck crash into the passenger side of your van, by all means, have your partner sit in the van, as opposed to watching from a nearby safe location.

55. if you want to drop millions in fake currency overboard to evade CBP, making sure to note the exact GPS location, it's easier to contrive a ridiculous salt-dissolves-in-water scheme so that the currency floats to the surface, rather than just have your partners dive underwater to retrieve said currency.

56. if you're trying to dispose of a body, be sure to include the victim's smartphone, because it's not like the carriers record geolocation or anything.

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56. If a van, which was involved in a crime, gets sold by an auction company which did not clean it and left a 120M art work in the back, there would be no suspicion raised at all when it is bought back by one of the suspects who claimed before to have no ties to the vehicle at all. There won't even be a watchlist for buyers or customs agents present at said auction to maybe gather more evidence related to the buyer.

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57. A full size Bronco can ram a Ford Escort and not have any damage on it, then also later run into a store front and drive away scratch free and no damage again

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58. Bad guys have a habit of thinking their the good guys.

59. Mark Walberg Can't Lose. He's like Gaston.

60. Mark survives a gun fight between heist men and law enforcement in Panama. Returns to the US without a scratch.

61. Black guy dies first.

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62. It's unethical to smuggle drugs, but you can profit from selling a painting for which 15 innocent Panamanians died without it affecting your conscience.

63. Ship Captains are obsessive about the cleanliness of their carpets.

64. There is no space available on an 800 foot freighter to store a carpet cleaner, the Captain must take it home with him.

65. You can be sure that your submerged counterfeit money will not float to the surface just as another freighter is passing over that spot.

66. The job of blocking a truck is worth 15 million in fake money.

67. The guy with 13 cats in his house is the one that really needs his own carpet cleaner.

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68. Kate Beckinsale doesn't look good as a blonde.

69. Smugglers are generally good people once they get married and have kids.

70. 10 minutes is a long, long time in Panama.

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71. If youre going to rob an AC with a 140 M painting in it, use explosives and fire machineguns straight in to the open back door. The painting will be ok, even though its only protection is a flimsy wood frame.

72. Crimeboss who hates you and who has explicitly warned you against going to his lair will greet you with open arms.

73. when border patrol asks to inspect cargo they will only open the first cardboardbox and observe the contents with no further inspection. also if a freight box contains rats, it means there is no need to check it further.

74. Even after a maniac tries to kill you, beats you and threatens your kids you will continue to leave them unsupervised.

Priceless Pollock is indistinguishable from oily rag (this is actually true)

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82. You have a priceless painting and counterfeit money that you need to keep in a safe place while avoiding the customs.
You come up with the "perfect" plan of drowing counterfeit money with salt bags.
But do not, I repeat, do not in any case, put a painting into a plastic bag and place it with the money sheets.
No, leave it on the floor of a van, because you know 100% that the van would not be inspected, and even if it was inspected - no one would care to throw a dirty rug out of the the van and there's not one person in US customs who can tell a painting from a rug.
And then you know 100% that you'd be able to swoop in last minute get the van on auction, intact - with the painting in it.

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