Some dialog left out...Spoilers

No one is going to not wonder what is going on when there spouse is out all night.

You should probably see the film again, because this is well covered. Both Hanna and Simon are shown to have busy lives and keep odd hours. They've been together for a very long time, and it's established that they lead very active lives that have a lot of separation. Both are shown, especially Hanna, giving excuses as to why they're out late at night. Hanna in particular has at least two occasions in the film where she says she's working late, and another time when she says she has to go out of town for a story. Neither of them are written as the type to keep their lover close on a leash and there is an incredible amount of trust between them; they come and go as they please.

The movie never really gives reason why either of them were having an affair.

You missed so much of the nuance of this film.

First off, there isn't always a "reason" to explain attraction. Adam represents the breaking down of "norms", "determient biology", the idea that people can feel attraction to whomever they please and just run with it.

But there are "reasons" given, lots of them. A great deal of this film is dedicated to those reasons. They are two people who have been together for a very long time, and are feeling their age. Hence the movie theater discussion, ending with the kid calling them "grandma and grandpa". They are in conflict about children, their potential impotency, the winding down of life and vitality. Then Hanna meets a virile, vital man who shows interest in her, and she is stimulated by his sensuality, but also his wit and intelligence. He is something fresh, something new, something different.

Simon is at a crucial crossroads. His mother has died. With his own cancer at hand, and testicular at that, Adam finds his very mortality and manhood in danger. He learns that he once had a chance at fatherhood long ago, unknown, and perhaps that too has ended. When he meets Adam he is at such a low point. The encounter with Adam proves powerful sexually, reawakening his virility in a very unexpected way. Adam is the first person shown to really look at his scars, and embrace them, love them. The possible loss of potency puts him in conflict with Hanna, the idea that he might not be able to impregnate her turns from theory to frightening reality, and that looms large regardless of whether they actually had children or not. Even more disheartening was the knowledge that despite all the years of fear that he might have been impotent all along, the former affair partner lets him taste the reality that he at least once potent. But here in Adam is someone who ignites his passion, but he is a man, and in his maleness all issues of fatherhood melt away.

Adam gives both Hanna and Simon back a sense of life, and vitality, that they were losing with one another. They were still in love, still connected, but they had other needs that were not being fulfilled.

And also this wasn't likely either of their first affair. The doctor in the hospital that Simon slept with back in 1992 was someone he was with while he was with Hanna.

I think your biggest conflict with the film lies in missing who Simon and Hanna truly are, before even being presented with Adam. They do not have some typical, western, myopic, traditional relationship even from the beginning of the film.

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