MovieChat Forums > Malibu Shark Attack (2009) Discussion > Things I learned from watching Malibu Sh...

Things I learned from watching Malibu Shark Attack

posted 15 years ago by qinkilla
28 replies | jump to latest

I should preface this by stating that I gave this movie a 10 rating even though I fell asleep toward the end. I gave this rating based on how much the movie made me laugh.

1. A flimsy wooden lifeguard shack can survive a direct hit from a tsunami without even a tiny bit of structural damage.

2. Not only are Goblin sharks extinct, but they're also extremely rare (LOL)

3. After news reports report complete devastation in California are read, the next shot, simply a downed STOP sign, is representative of the damage

4. Bimbos are still stupid and vapid even when their lives are in immediate danger. Somehow there must be a gene that prevents instinct from taking over.

5. At one point in history, Sharks mated with Rhinos

6. The easiest way to get to the roof of the indestructible lifeguard shack is by swimming through shark infested waters - the scene of a recent vicious attack - to get outside so you can climb onto the roof - instead of just climbing through the roof.

7. If you take the script from Tremors and set it on a beach with characters less intelligent than rednecks from a forgotten valley you will have the script from this movie.

8. Sharks growl underwater

9. Sharks used to living near the bottom of the ocean suddenly enjoy swimming along the surface.

10. Sharks can leap out of the water like Marlins and snatch whole people from dry land and fall back into the ocean. Not even the 8,000lb Mako from Deep BLue Sea was this athletic.

11. Tsunami's only result in flooding.

12. It's more important to save the sharks hunting you than for you to survive.

13. Metal filing cabinets float

14. When they leave the military, Navy Seals often become lifeguards

15. Contractors do not have insurance yet they get to build amazing properties on multi-million dollar land sites

16. Parasailing is fun except when a shark bites off half your friend

Please add to this, I missed the latter half of the movie, but it is a must see..

[–] alan-zibluk 15 years ago

The only thing I could add is Peta Wilson always looks good.

Alan
The Internet Guy
http://www.AlanTig.com

[–] alexakahanks 15 years ago

17. Flimsy wooden lifeguard shack suddenly upgrades to thick steel supports while underwater

18. While being cut by a razor/axe/anything sharp, the shark will just take it, growl, and then swim away.

19. Goblin sharks, which are supposed to be extinct, are actually extremely high in number in real life.

20. A tsunami looks like a ten foot high CGI wave

I missed the ending to this movie, but it was still pretty sad...

[–] gallifreyent 15 years ago

21. To stop the bimbo from her incessant, annoying screaming, give her power tools and let her kill something. Note: Power tools only; stabbing a shark will not stop the screaming.

22. Goblin sharks are blind, so none of them had to watch the movie.

23. Luxurious ocean-front property at Malibu has a power supply that survives a tsunami, but there's no working landline in the house.

24. No one on a construction crew carries a phone but the contractor.

25. Cell phones that worked before the tsunami do not work afterward, even though the infrastructure is far inland.

26. People using power tools to kill a submerged shark will not be electrocuted.

27. Ammunition and gas-powered chainsaws that have been submerged do not get wet enough to fail.

28. At Malibu, a lifeguard may store his hunting rifle in the shack so that he may take it out and examine it on the beach at any random moment, even though there is no connection between his job and the planned recreational hunting trip.

29. Even after a tsunami has washed people off the beach into the ocean, Goblin sharks prefer to prey on people inside buildings and boats.

30. After a tsunami, Goblin sharks are the only sealife anywhere near the coast.

31. When your single shot with a flare gun is the only hope you have of alerting people inland that you and your friends are stranded in shark-infested waters, be sure to use that shot on one shark that is in the water when you are, for the moment, safely on the roof and probably surrounded by many more sharks.

[–] FloridaSunshine 15 years ago

32. After a tsunami the water will be crystal clear despite all the debris.... which is good so you'll have no problem seeing the cabinet with the ammo when you have to make a swim for it and can only hold your breath for 10 minutes or so.

33. Forget everything you ever learned about sharks... turns out they DO in fact, hunt humans.

[–] Viper8828 15 years ago

34. Its always important to serve out the rest of your community service.

35. No matter what happens, through shark attacks and earthquakes and tsunamis, always make sure you end up with your ipod around your neck.

[–] nutsberryfarm 13 years ago

- traffic reports that give actual reports about traffic are passé! just crank up the air conditioning!

- no need to do cpr on someone who isn't breathing. just yell at them 'breathe brian! breathe!' also probably helps if the guy is named brian.

Oh, and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day.

[–] xenaguy 13 years ago

Quote: gallifreyent
28. At Malibu, a lifeguard may store his hunting rifle in the shack so that he may take it out and examine it on the beach at any random moment, even though there is no connection between his job and the planned recreational hunting trip.

Actually, many lifeguard shacks have "shark rifles" as standard equipment. Otherwise, all good.

- -
XenaGuy

[–] exeal 15 years ago

36. When there is an earthquake, tsunami, or giant sharks attacking/shaking a lifeguard shack just move the camera quickly back and forth so the audience will believe that there really is an earthquake, tsunami, or giant sharks attacking/shaking a lifeguard shack.

[–] pacificboy 15 years ago

37. A composer can virtually rip off a well-known tune from a movie about a shark attack and not get sued.

"My brain rebelled, and insisted on applying logic where it was not welcome."

[–] suzycreamcheese1 15 years ago

ya'll are so funny...I missed some of those! : )

RIP Heath Ledger 1979-2008

[–] exhausted_intellect 15 years ago

38. A hundred foot wave could hit a a life gaurd post MAYBE 15ft off the ground, and the water will only seep through the wooden panel windows.

39. A hundred foot wave could hit a life guard post MAYBE 15ft off the ground, and only fill it with about 2ft of water.

40. Sharks not only hunt humans, they stalk them, too.

41. Lifegaurds are probably shark biologist...and apparently sharks don't like those.

42. Extinct sharks actually aren't extinct at all. They live at the bottom of the ocean waiting for earthquakes to occur.

43. Extinct sharks have sonar detection.

[–] HugsFromLV426 15 years ago

44. It takes only three minutes of viewing to realize that some movies make "Snakes on a Plane" look like an academy award winner.

45. Goblin sharks can bash their way into a lifeguard station, but can' figure out to overturn a tiny, powerless boat loaded way beyond its safe capacity.

46. Tsunami's cause a permanent rise in ocean levels, they don't recede like we've been taught.

47. Some people have nothing better to do than watch a movie just to see how bad can be... wait that's me.

[–] GreenInkBrigade 15 years ago

48. George Bush hates rich white people - how else do you explain no sign of FEMA showing up 24 hours after a tsunami hits Malibu?

[–] kirain 14 years ago

49. you can easily safe from tsunami by hiding at lifeguard place at the beach, maybe indonesian goverment have to bulid a lot of place like this at indonesian beach

i just want spend my money to a good movie

[–] grimbogrambo 14 years ago

50. if you have a cut on your leg, the blood will consistently drip through the same floor boards despite you being taken across the room and put on a table. (Would blood even drip through the floor boards, wouldnt it just mix into the flood water?)

[–] BtgW 14 years ago

51. When a city is being evacuated, both the inbound and outbound lanes of the motorway will be backed up with vehicles.

[–] Franco7899 14 years ago

This was a ridiculous film.

However, i looked up Goblin Sharks on Wiki and they are real!! They are not rare though, they are fairly widespread. They do look like the ones in the movie, but are no threat to humans!!

[–] Okey_Dokey 14 years ago

Hahaha yeh right, i did that too after seeing this piece of s***, i thought they'd made them up, would never have thought they were based on something real.

[–] sbubel 14 years ago

52. That you can steal from department stores because they have insurance and they mark everything up.

[–] tattooeddancer69 12 years ago

LOL. My boyfriend was watching this in the other room and he said, 'Check out these stupid looking sharks sci fi made up!' I came out, glanced, and said, 'Those are goblin sharks, and they actually exist. They're pink, though. Not blue.' I received an awed 'my girlfriend is awesome' look :)

[–] xenaguy 11 years ago

by - tattooeddancer69
LOL. My boyfriend was watching this in the other room and he said, 'Check out these stupid looking sharks sci fi made up!' I came out, glanced, and said, 'Those are goblin sharks, and they actually exist. They're pink, though. Not blue.' I received an awed 'my girlfriend is awesome' look :)

You ARE awesome! If you and your b/f ever break up, post it on this board, you will be swarmed with offers, starting with me!

- -
XenaGuy

[–] albertgiordino 14 years ago

53. peta wilson shouldn't accept these pitiful roles/script, i'm rewatching la femme nikita, this movie kinda spoiled it :/

[–] astream99 14 years ago

54 - A tiny cut in your thigh (not hitting your femoral artery) is life threatening and you can bleed to death unless someone stitches you up.

55 - It's perfectly ok to re-use the same shot of sharks attacking 5 or 6 times. The same goes for shots of churning water after a boat passes and underwater quakes.

56 - Almost no-one is actually in the water when they're at the beach.

57 - Goblin sharks can swim backwards as opposed to every single other kind of shark

58 and 59 - Sharks can manouver around perfectly in three feet of water inside a building, and they even sink in the same three feet when dead

60 - Anyone can become a lifeguard, even a stupid, shallow, spoilt and whiny bitch

61 - It's ok to suggest a threesome or letting a coinflip decide who gets the girl.

[–] daffy72 9 years ago

69 - Heather (Peta Wilson) is into MMF swinging. "You both went to preschool? Did you learn how to share your toys?"

[–] alpha-tango 14 years ago

a few more:

- Lifeguards get 15 minutes of break time to have sex in their lifeguard post. With the doors unlocked, in case someone needs to come in and warn them b/c of emergency cases - like an incoming tsunami.

- Same lifeguard lady who has sex in the lifeguard post, has credibility as a shark expert and wants to save the rare prehistoric extinct yet likes to hunt human beings shark despite the fact that the shark wants to eat them.

- Being perfectly safe in a brand new in-development site, always try to swim for shore even though it looks over a mile away.

- Sharks really hate lifeguards.

- Goblin sharks are damn ugly. lol

- After a tsunami, a little dock remains untouched and dry, along with a little boat tied to it. But contractors still need to use a bucket to take some of the puddles of water in it that was left over from the tsunami.

- Never fails...when you want to save something that wants to eat you, you'll be eaten.

- Never fails...hysterical people always end up dying.

- Lifeguards like to swim underwater with their sneakers on.

- These killer sharks can apparently jump over a dock to catch their prey, but can't jump over a shorter boat to have their pickings on 7 human snacks.

- 7 people can fit on a little boat made for about 4 without it sinking.

- Screaming above water can attract sharks under water.

- Hysterical man scared of dying becomes courageous shark food martyr in an instant.

- Sharks are picky eaters, sometimes they just eat half the body or just the legs and leave the rest to spoil.

- After a tsunami, go to a toolshed and apparently the chainsaw will still be on the top shelf.

[–] diamondaurapayge-0-705050 13 years ago

-Even though it takes about ten minutes travel time by seadoo to reach the house being built, you can just look through your shutters and see the building about ten feet away.

(I noticed that about the traffic too and was scratching my head like "HUH??")

Fell asleep before the ending. Also googled goblin sharks because I was stumped why they would make a shark so fake looking lmfao

[–] alar_k 13 years ago

- people hesitate when shooting a shark, but do it for sure after the shark pukes up some bloodie mess

- the one who wants to save man eating animals/fish/shark etc. allways ends up eaten by said man eating thing

- they can't just sit there and have themselves pecked out one by one

- after a tsunami nobody does any search and rescue anymore, they just wait a day or two

- goblin sharks are super jumpers

- this movie was soooo bad it was really funny

[–] 13 years ago

[deleted]