MovieChat Forums > Disconnect (2013) Discussion > Blaming victims of sexual abuse instead ...

Blaming victims of sexual abuse instead of the perpetrators

posted 9 years ago by homerj2us
4 replies | jump to latest

Yeah, the kid chose to hang himself, but at 15, if you sent a naked picture (something kids and adults still do, all the time) and it was sent to literally hundreds of people you have to interact with who decided to harass you--if your trust were violated by someone you cared for (and Ben did, about "Jessica")--how would you feel? Your teachers, all your coworkers, the whole county?

I felt sorry for the little garbage-for-brains lonely brat that manipulated Ben too and the movie did a good job making you feel for fathers Dixon and Boyd, but if that were my kid? If someone sent my kid's naked photo around, tricked him and committed a disgusting violation of privacy that would follow them for lives? I'd want their heads on a plate, without the suicide.

The worst part is that these are real stories--as a community we blame women whose ex boyfriends publish their addresses and naked pictures hoping to attract would-be rapists. We blame actual rape victims whose rapes are recorded while they're drugged or unconscious. Kids that were raped by Joe Paterno were bullied in their own schools.

Why don't groups focus their disgust on the rapists and people that hope to destroy their victims?

Adults do this too. They lose jobs. They're exiled by neighbors.

And we blame kids for being "weak" or chalking it up to simple depression?

Sexual violation is bad enough but that combo with humiliation can drive a reasonable person to suicide. Anyone that can't understand that is just not very bright.

Probably shouldn't have kids, either.

[–] esskayess 9 years ago

At least be accurate while on your soap box -- Paterno didn't rape anyone. He showed weak and possibly inept leadership in his handling of the hideous affair, but it's doubtful he'd have suffered any fallout beyond what happened (which was pretty severe, anyway).

You cannot erase God with an edict. - Rod Serling

[–] speedy1383 9 years ago

Yeah. That was a big mistake. Paterno's former coach Jerry Sandusky was the one who raped the kids. But Paterno did show severe lack of leadership in how he handled the situation though. His name is forever tarnished in my book.

[–] bunnywithanaxe 9 years ago

Is the stuff about the kids being harassed accurate?

Soapbox- whatever. Bullying victims of abuse is about protecting yourself from the idea that it could just as easily be you. You have to reassure yourself that the victim is as "other" as possible, therefore no way could it ever, ever, ever be you. It's a sick, cowardly mindset. It takes courage to try to empathize with someone in such a terrifying situation-- courage a lot of people don't have.

[–] HarveyManfredSinJohn 8 years ago

Yeah, the kid chose to hang himself, but at 15, if you sent a naked picture (something kids and adults still do, all the time) and it was sent to literally hundreds of people you have to interact with who decided to harass you--if your trust were violated by someone you cared for (and Ben did, about "Jessica")--how would you feel? Your teachers, all your coworkers, the whole county?

I felt sorry for the little garbage-for-brains lonely brat that manipulated Ben too and the movie did a good job making you feel for fathers Dixon and Boyd, but if that were my kid? If someone sent my kid's naked photo around, tricked him and committed a disgusting violation of privacy that would follow them for lives? I'd want their heads on a plate, without the suicide.

Sexual violation is bad enough but that combo with humiliation can drive a reasonable person to suicide. Anyone that can't understand that is just not very bright.

I entirely agree with everything you say here, apart from the part about wanting the kids' heads on a plate. You seem to be implying violence here, whereas I'd most definitely go out of my way to ensure those kids were severely punished for the gross humiliation they had put the victim through, but would stop short of violence.

That said, they deserve to be sent to a juvenile detention centre, the same as any other minor who had committed such a severe, and in this case sexual-orientated, act. I wouldn't necessarily want their lives to be tarnished forever, because I don't think a purely punitive approach does anyone any good including the victim, but some form of severe punishment would at least acknowledge the damage they had done to their schoolmate, much as we quite rightly punish and lock-up sex offenders for the permanent psychological damage they do their victims.

And you're spot-on about how that type of humiliation could drive anyone to suicide, but I think it's especially tough for a teenager who has been humiliated for the benefit of his school-peers who he'd have to face on a day-to-day basis, and that's before one even factors in the nasty and personal body-shaming comments many of them were sending him online. As adults we develop better coping strategies for dealing with such humiliations (made easier by the relative freedom adults have in comparison to children/teens), which is not to say it makes such hateful, cruel tricks remotely acceptable, but I do suspect that had such a trick been played on us as teenagers the vast majority of us would at least consider suicide. I'm pretty certain I would have, even if I like to think I'd find another, less drastic, way to deal with such an awful situation now that I'm an adult (not that I plan on ever falling for such a trick, which is another benefit of being older and thus more savvy to the world and how cruel and deceptive some people can be).