My favourite film
I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but this is one of the most searing and powerful films I've ever seen. I was sobbing for the final half.
I'm 17, only a year older than Dolan was when he wrote this, and two years younger than when he filmed it. I'll be 18 soon. I saw this as I was going through a similarly rough time with my mother- we were making each other's lives hell. I'm not gay, but that's the only difference I can find between me and Dolan/Hubert, and the only difference I can see between my mother and Hubert's is that my mother doesn't have a gay son. I have not seen a more truthful film about the ways in which adolescents talk to their parents, and vice versa. The scene where Dolan comes home on drugs and tells his mum that he wants to talk more, to be with her more; oh god! It tears me up just thinking about it. That feeling, the crossroads between unconditional love and incompatibility between two people conveyed on screen using dazzling cinematic technique, with such clarity. I haven't even touched drugs, and certainly don't plan on it, but this film seems to transcend petty differences like that.
The scene where Dolan is running after his mother while she wears her wedding dress. It so perfectly sums up the guilt, fear and worry that some children have, that I have, that their parents never wanted them. The worry that their children, we, I, might have got in the way of their parents lives somehow. The crippling sadness that comes with it, the melancholy, the desire to just leave your parents life and stop bothering them. It might be shot beautifully, with that music that conveys some kind of dream, but that entire sequence is my worst nightmare.
The heart-stopping moment where the mother lets rip at the obnoxious headmaster. Wow. Despite the numerous breakdowns of communication between me and my mother, I feel I have seen how much she cares for me, and how much she can be affronted by any challenges to that, and this film got that scene spot-on. The feelings of shame, anger, embarrassment, rage, fear- how dare this person speak against the son! I only wish she could direct that feeling at Hubert in some way- he might begin to understand, as I have only recently started to.
The arguments in the car on the way to and from school. The desire to get out, get a flat, the sudden bursts of effort in the hope of new freedom, the way the father only seems to get involved at crisis point. The way everything the mother does is a source of embarrassment. The way everything seems so huge, so epic, so large, yet is really so unimportant and usual. This film is all true.
I know I'm young. In a way that makes me sad, because it makes me feel like my opinion is invalidated in some way. I can argue that I'm cine-literate, point out how I've seen nearly 2000 films and, yes, how I'm mature for my age, etc etc blah blah, but it doesn't really matter. Tastes change, yes, but I can honestly say that at this point in time this is the most honest and truthful film I have ever seen, and it almost hurt me with its unrelenting emotional candour.
It also taught me how to more finely appreciate people on film- I have since seen films like A Separation, and Junebug, which dissect family life and politics. I don't think I'd see them for the masterpieces they are without this film. It opened me up.
I had no real aim for this post other than to simply get my feelings out there (I've been sat on them for some time), but I suppose I have two other things to say.
Firstly, does anyone else feel this way about this film? Am I not alone?
Secondly, is this how it is for most adult film-goers? Do you all have one film that has endured throughout your lifetime as the film that was made for you, in a way? I can't see many, if any, other films hitting me this hard on such a deeply personal level, is all I can say. It feels like my film, and I am forever indebted to Dolan for making it.
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My list of films I consider good; http://www.imdb.com/list/HhtSboRgtg0/