My favourite film


I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but this is one of the most searing and powerful films I've ever seen. I was sobbing for the final half.

I'm 17, only a year older than Dolan was when he wrote this, and two years younger than when he filmed it. I'll be 18 soon. I saw this as I was going through a similarly rough time with my mother- we were making each other's lives hell. I'm not gay, but that's the only difference I can find between me and Dolan/Hubert, and the only difference I can see between my mother and Hubert's is that my mother doesn't have a gay son. I have not seen a more truthful film about the ways in which adolescents talk to their parents, and vice versa. The scene where Dolan comes home on drugs and tells his mum that he wants to talk more, to be with her more; oh god! It tears me up just thinking about it. That feeling, the crossroads between unconditional love and incompatibility between two people conveyed on screen using dazzling cinematic technique, with such clarity. I haven't even touched drugs, and certainly don't plan on it, but this film seems to transcend petty differences like that.

The scene where Dolan is running after his mother while she wears her wedding dress. It so perfectly sums up the guilt, fear and worry that some children have, that I have, that their parents never wanted them. The worry that their children, we, I, might have got in the way of their parents lives somehow. The crippling sadness that comes with it, the melancholy, the desire to just leave your parents life and stop bothering them. It might be shot beautifully, with that music that conveys some kind of dream, but that entire sequence is my worst nightmare.

The heart-stopping moment where the mother lets rip at the obnoxious headmaster. Wow. Despite the numerous breakdowns of communication between me and my mother, I feel I have seen how much she cares for me, and how much she can be affronted by any challenges to that, and this film got that scene spot-on. The feelings of shame, anger, embarrassment, rage, fear- how dare this person speak against the son! I only wish she could direct that feeling at Hubert in some way- he might begin to understand, as I have only recently started to.

The arguments in the car on the way to and from school. The desire to get out, get a flat, the sudden bursts of effort in the hope of new freedom, the way the father only seems to get involved at crisis point. The way everything the mother does is a source of embarrassment. The way everything seems so huge, so epic, so large, yet is really so unimportant and usual. This film is all true.

I know I'm young. In a way that makes me sad, because it makes me feel like my opinion is invalidated in some way. I can argue that I'm cine-literate, point out how I've seen nearly 2000 films and, yes, how I'm mature for my age, etc etc blah blah, but it doesn't really matter. Tastes change, yes, but I can honestly say that at this point in time this is the most honest and truthful film I have ever seen, and it almost hurt me with its unrelenting emotional candour.

It also taught me how to more finely appreciate people on film- I have since seen films like A Separation, and Junebug, which dissect family life and politics. I don't think I'd see them for the masterpieces they are without this film. It opened me up.

I had no real aim for this post other than to simply get my feelings out there (I've been sat on them for some time), but I suppose I have two other things to say.

Firstly, does anyone else feel this way about this film? Am I not alone?

Secondly, is this how it is for most adult film-goers? Do you all have one film that has endured throughout your lifetime as the film that was made for you, in a way? I can't see many, if any, other films hitting me this hard on such a deeply personal level, is all I can say. It feels like my film, and I am forever indebted to Dolan for making it.

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My list of films I consider good; http://www.imdb.com/list/HhtSboRgtg0/

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I saw it early this year and it's one of the best films I've EVER seen. I felt sadness, joy, emptiness and hopelessness afterwards. Though I adore Xavier Dolan I both loved and hated his character in this movie.

I AM gay and I was 44 when I saw it and it's still one of the most poignant movies ever. The scene where he asked "What would you do if I died today?" and she answers, without him hearing it "I'd die tomorrow" really made me tear up.

Beautiful, but tough, movie.

Also, your post is one of the best I've ever read on IMDb and one of the few where I agree with every point made.

There's hope for the world if more young people are like you.


Don't mistake hate speech for free speech. Remember, hate speech kills!

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Thank you for your kind and touching words. It's fascinating to see how people of other ages have reacted to this film; and heartening to see that they have reacted in an appropriate way to the masterpiece this is. I agree that Dolan's character is a truly loathesome creature at times, but I can't really judge because I was him about a year ago. And he has his moments of goodness, like us all.

And that dialogue exchange is beautiful also; it cleverly and honestly encapsulates the core theme of the film.

But above all, thank you. And let's hope Dolan goes on to make many more masterpieces.

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You're welcome.

Truth and masterpieces transcend age and time, especially when we can see ourselves in it. And true masterpieces don't have the need to judge.

Dolan also did the film Heartbeats - it's not quite as good as this one, but still has a lot of poignant points and is very much worth watching.

I haven't seen Laurence Anyways yet, but it is waiting on my shelf.



Don't mistake hate speech for free speech. Remember, hate speech kills!

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A very passionate post DeclanCochrane. I loved the film also though not quite as much as you :). Rated it 9/10.

I'm in my forties and it's taken until now to have the sense of how much my mother loves me and has done for me in my life in spite of all the garbage that has intruded. I told my mother as a teenager that I loved her but would never like her. She remembers these words even now! The difference between me as a teenager and Hubert is that I was more withdrawn from my mother with occasional rows and exchanges of cross words. I'm surprised that Hubert's mother Chantale was willing to tolerate his behaviour as much as she did. As someone else has commented on the board his question to her about what she would do if he died today to which she responds to herself 'I'd die tomorrow' was very poignant.

Secondly, is this how it is for most adult film-goers? Do you all have one film that has endured throughout your lifetime as the film that was made for you, in a way?
Sort of. That film for me would be My Life as a Dog; when I saw this I was about 19, I think ... and it was the first time I realised I'd learnt something about myself by watching the young boy Ingemar, who was on the periphery of adolescence, struggling to deal with an overwhelming situation by himself. I resonated with the character's plight and defense mechanism and so the film has remained my favourite ever since.
The distance is nothing. The first step is the hardest.

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I probably could have loved it if I was a teen when this came out. Adolsence is a rough time and can be made worse by a mother who can't understand. However watching it as an adult was annoying for me. I just wanted both of them to grow up.

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I Killed My Mother is a sensitive and brilliant movie. So powerful and honest. Anne Dorval is amazing. I love her so much.


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Hi Declan. I loved your passionate, honest post. First off you should never feel your opinion is any less valid than anyone, no matter your age. I'll never forget my history teacher telling our class when we were 13 that from that age the way you thought and reasoned about things was basically already entirely in place in an adult way... all that would change after that would be that your body would slowly decay around you..! Over ten years later, I feel it's true. Obviously you change a lot from when you are 13 and with life and experiences things change. And indeed you hopefully get to understand more, but the way you think, yeah I think it was pretty much there at 13.

I feel our artistic taste may be at it's height in that kind of 16-20 age range as though hopefully we all continue to strive throughout our whole lives, certainly at that age we are all seeking what we will be and there's a passion in that and I think things like music and film you discover at that time have a lasting impression and stay with you. I am not one who personally thinks that the more films you know and have seen, the more your opinion counts. I know many people know a lot more about cinema than me, but if I adore a film and it moves me, I consider it great. If it doesn't touch me I won't care how lauded it is by anyone else. I consider anyone else's opinion's as valid as mine and mine as valid as anyone else's.

Also, this film is specifically about the years you are in or have just recently passed at least right now! So, you're the best person to comment on it! I love I Killed My Mother and it's my favourite of Xavier Dolan's films (I only discovered him in April when I happened to see Tom at the Farm at the cinema which I loved also.. but this film is a little more devastating I suppose which is the only reason I call it my favourite. Both films have that quality where they linger with you and cling to you for days after you've finished watching them for me. As indeed do all of Dolan's films.) Although it's some time since I was a teenager and I never had a difficult relationship with my Mother (and I'm a girl!) it still took me back to that time entirely. I couldn't get out of my head how when I was a lot younger than Hubert... probably more that 13-year old or maybe even younger than that I went through a period where I couldn't stand the sound of my Mother's high heels on the pavement as we walked if we were out. It went through me like nails on a chalkboard. I used to ask my Mum to wear quieter shoes. The idea of it now seems so unreasonable but I just remember how I couldn't bear it! Funny. But also completely not funny, you know? And though mostly we've always had a great relationship he film also resonates with me how much my Mother (as I knew then too) always did and still does for me.

I thought it was beautiful how the film could portray such a difficult relationship and still completely portray the love. Hubert was often despicable towards his Mother, but you completely felt his pain and his childishness and also an intelligence beyond these actions always as well and indeed his own frustration. Chantal is also flawed, but her deep love for her son is clear and consistent and her ability to just take what Hubert puts upon her over and over. Dolan's characters are written and portrayed with empathy, compassion and complexity. I love the complexity. I love that in all of Dolan's films there is such complexity of emotion, but in a realistic way. For me, the four films I have seen have also all addressed (completely) different kinds of love, all in ways that resonate for entirely different reasons.

Yes, I loved about this film how honestly it portrayed Mother and son: in positive and negative. I didn't relate to Hubert specifically and Chantal is nothing like my Mother, nor my family like theirs. I am from a country far, far away and am female too. Yet, it is still one of those films that gets you in the gut because despite my life being utterly different, what it really expresses touch on experiences that though different, are somehow Universal. I think every child wonders whether they were wanted. My Mother is older and tried for years to have a child. When I was about 9 I discovered she'd had a miscarriage a year before I was born (not sure how I found out - children hear everything) and got it into my head that my Mother had wanted that child and not me and that had that child been born she wouldn't have had me. It sounds silly now, but isn't it funny how children think. I still remember how I felt like I shouldn't exist.

I also found the scene where Hubert comes home on drugs and talks to his Mother particularly moving - both Hubert and his Mother's reaction. Of course the scene where he asks what his Mother would do if he died tomorrow is devastating and it completely shattered me - I sobbed at Hubert's Mother saying she'd die tomorrow. It was a strange juxtaposition of knowing it was what she'd say/feel before she said it and being completely caught off guard and Hubert not hearing it and... I don't know. I also love the scene where Hubert is so angry and throws everything in the room... but then stops short of smashing that humungous dish... and puts it all back in place instead. I remember that kind of anger - everyone must've felt this some time. I loved where Hubert's boyfriend makes him the models of him, Hubert and Hubert's "Little Mother" and her tear on the model and the more abstract scenes both of childhood and of Hubert with his Mother in the Wedding dress. It was interesting to read your interpretation of this. I can't remember now what I specifically felt at that time. I'd have to watch again and see it in context. Only how idyllic is the scene - maybe how Hubert imagines Chantal imagined her life when she married? And he's chasing his Mother and she pushes him away which reminded me of how Hubert pushed his Mother away (literally!) in real life when she came to his school. I do know I found it very beautiful and very sad.

In terms of films that were impactful to me as a teenager, again it was when I was younger. Around that 13 age I watched The Piano. I had a love for music myself - I'd danced since I was 3, played violin since 8 and piano since 11. Music had always been massive part of my life. I was also a quiet child (even at 20 an acquaintance once told his friends who tried to ask my name "Oh, don't talk to her, she's mute." before I'd said even a word.) I related to Ada and the film also showed me a sensuality that stuck with me. I still love the film and if I watch it now I don't only enjoy it, but it takes me back to that time in some way too. And now, I use music in my job. I wonder whether the film had enough of an impact that it's part of what lead me here even?! I don't know. I think there are certain films that stick with you and that you feel a particularly close connection to for sure though, but again you can discover wondrous films you fall in love with and that mean a lot to you at any age. I think the years where we are growing up are full of such intense feelings and experiences and a hearing for something and tastes can change, but you don't forget how you felt then.

I for one am excited to see Dolan's career unfold. He's both an inspiring guy and at the same time makes me feel a failure for not having been writing a film at 16, darn him!! But I can't wait to see Mommy (please come near me! I only happened to see Tom at the Farm as I was in London, so fingers crossed Mommy will venture closer my way!)

Sorry, once I get going, on and on and on I go!!!

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great post Declan very well thought out. true this movie does take one thru the ups and downs of teen life with parents always and love and hate feel for each other


Rob Zombie is one of the greatest directors today

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I enjoyed your comments on the movie. Yes, I've seen films that felt like they were made specifically for me, and they remain powerful decades later. One of them was Ordinary People, which also about teen angst and mother-son relationships. It's not as artistic as I Killed My Mother, but the story and acting are incredibly powerful and memorable.

There are films that I admire artistically and find incredibly powerful, like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or 2001: A Space Odyssey, and then there are others that simply "speak to me". Sometimes I'm not sure if they are good movies and don't even care really, they are just favorites that occupy a special place in my heart, like Wild Tigers I Have Known or Nico and Dani. And then there are films that reach me on both levels, artistically and emotionally, like The Godfather or The Tree of Life. Those movies are excruciating!!

Anyway, thanks for sharing. On the lighter side, you might like The Adventures of Sebastian Cole.

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