...seek out her family?
Very good film, but I'll hold my opinions to myself. This was my only question though.
It was said more than once that she "could not remember" what had happened to her family. She even stated this to her adoptive father herself. She wanted to be named Wang Deng (she had apparently had some memory of her actual name), but when her adoptive father was talking to her later and told her if she wanted to talk about her family she could. He also said he would take her to the city she was from to look for her relatives if she wanted to go, but she said "I don't remember". I suppose the shock and her perceived rejection from her mother may have repressed all of her previous memories so she really did not know what had happened or who to look for.
shareJust finished watching this on Netflix.
She said she could not remember when she was a child. However, when she returned to visit her father they were sitting watching Dian Dian. Her adoptive father asked her if she had been away looking for her family in Tangstan. She told him she remembered the rescuers asking her mother which child to save and the mother chose to save her son. She empathically states "It's not that I don't remember. It's that I can't forget."
Later, when she is volunteering to help in the aftermath of the other Earthquake she overhears her brother tell another man the story of how he lost his arm. The brother's memory of the incident was such the rescuers were growing impatient with the mother for not choosing which child to save and a decision was made (implied: without the mother's input). Edited to add: I just rewatched that part and the mother FINALLY did say "Save my son" but she really struggled with the choice and refused to choose for a long time.
My impression is the daughter did not seek out her family in Tangstan because she "remembered" being rejected by her mother, but also that she didn't want to go down that road. What if she found out her entire family had been killed in the Earthquake? What if she found them and they didn't want a relationship with her as an adult? What if she found a different woman in her mother (one who had not mourned the loss of her child all those years)? What if she could not find them and spent her life searching, to no avail? In a sense, she made a sacrifice of her history in order to live in the present.
Brilliant interpretation!
shareFang Deng didn't seek her surviving birth family after the quake, as she was traumatized & haunted by her mother Li Yuan'ni's decision in saving — & thus favouring — her fraternal twin (younger) brother over herself.
Besides unspoken feelings of jealousy, Fang Deng was also so deeply hurt that her mother had seemingly chosen her brother over her. As such, she ended up being convinced that there was no point in trying to locate her surviving family (ie. mother & brother).
Although this is not explicitly highlighted in the movie (where everyone — male or female — is supposed to be equal in the eyes of Communism), it was & still is relatively common in traditional patriarchal Chinese culture to favour males (sons) over females (daughters). In such a culture, it is not uncommon for female children to feel like second-class creatures and citizens.
Fang Deng's misunderstanding of her mother's presumed favouritism towards her twin brother — & in turn, rejection of her — is both foreshadowed & reinforced at various points of the movie.
1) Near the beginning of the movie before the quake struck, Fang Deng was shown feeling quite slighted over how her mother appeared to actively practise favouritism by giving the last remaining tomato to Fang Deng's twin brother Fang Da. Note that Fang Deng was not aware that her mother herself did not know that Fang Da was the one who eaten the other tomato earlier.
Even if her mother had been aware of the fact, it is also not surprising that she would give the (younger) twin the tomato, but Fang Deng was not mature enough at that age to understand her mother's thoughts. Note that it was & is customary in traditional Chinese culture to expect the older child to show consideration for the younger child. It is not uncommon for parents to say to the older child: "大应该让小。" (ie. The elder one should let the younger one have his/her way.")
2) The poignant tomato (read: apple of my eye) imagery is reiterated towards the end of the movie, when Fang Deng returned to the family home in Tangshan, & saw the bowl of washed tomatoes placed on the altar to her dead father & herself (presumed dead). The inescapable irony is that she finally got the tomatoes only after she was thought to be dead.
Note that at this point, Fang Deng still wasn't apologetic about her lack of contact during the past 32 years — even though her distraught mother was on her knees & weeping — because Fang Deng thought the altar-offering of tomatoes was out of guilt on her mother's part.
It wasn't until the very end of the movie (in the cemetery scene) that it truly dawned on Fang Deng that it was she herself who had misconstrued her mother's actions.
In the heart of her mother (who not only kept "telling" Fang Deng the directions to the new family home, but also faithfully purchased for Fang Deng a set of school textbooks annually between elementary school & high school), her absent daughter had remained very much alive in spirit & memory. On the other hand, it was Fang Deng herself who not only "died" in spirit, but also "killed" her mother with the same sword of misunderstanding.
3) In the scene where Fang Deng & her foster father watched the former's daughter Dian Dian flying a kite in the courtyard, Fang Deng confessed how haunted she had felt by her mother's apparent abandonment of her:
方登： “这么多年， 你一直在问我这事。地震的时候，我和我弟弟都压着。别人说只能救一个。我妈说，“救弟弟。” 这三个字，就写在我耳朵边上。爸，我不是不记得，是忘不掉。”
Fang Deng: "All these years, you have been asking me about this issue. After the earthquake, my little brother and I were both trapped under the rubble. They said it was possible to save only one of us. My mom said, "Save little brother." These three words... keep ringing in my ears. Dad, it's not that I don't remember. It's that I'm unable to forget."
4) Towards the end of the movie, after Fang Deng's reunion with her mother Li Yuan'ni, Fang Deng provided the following explanation as to why she never bothered to search for her former boyfriend after they parted. Her feelings of being abandoned & forgotten by her boyfriend more or less mirror how she felt about her mother:
李元妮： 那谁给你伺候月子呢？孩子她爸呢？
方登： 出国了，没联系了。
李元妮： 没托人找找？
方登： 他都不要我了，还找什么呀？
Li Yuan'ni: So who took care of you after you gave birth? What about the child's father?
Fang Deng: He left the country. I lost touch with him.
Li Yuan'ni: Didn't you ask someone to help find him?
Fang Deng: He didn't want me anymore. What's the point?
To summarize, when you believe that you have been abandoned, not wanted & forgotten by someone very important to you, you might feel the same as Fang Deng did ...
"Why bother looking ? I already know she/he doesn't care. I am as good as dead to her/him."