he didnt want the people from york prep to know why or how he died... and he only wanted family at the funeral...
and of course you see people from the school at the funeral.. and more than just family..
thats kinda muffed up.
He was not thinking clearly when he wrote that note...obviously.Friends and family need to be able to have some sort of closure......saying good-bye at a funeral.
shareThe act of suicide is in itself so very selfish that those who have to deal with its aftermath should feel inclined to take some liberties upon themselves. Evan seemed cognizant of his actions enough to know that what he was doing may have been outside the wishes of anyone that knew him, yet he felt it was right for him to do. His parent's probbaly thought it was the right thing to do to inform his friends. At that age it is incredibly difficult to reconcile the death of a peer and to leave all questions unanswered may have been unfair to Evan's peers. I imagine someone in his frame of mind, at his age would have had a hard time understanding that. For the parent's to make this film is incredibly selfless because it opens a dialogue sheds light on a terrifying reality.
shareI agree completely.
Evan was not in the right state of mind regarding his actions previous to his jump. His suicide note, was as his older brother said, something that anyone his age would write including myself. Except he felt it 20,000 times stronger. He might be pissed off too, but that's how life goes right.
he has no choice but to accept it as his mother said constantly at the end of the film.
that was so sad
Evan was ill when he wrote that note. Besides, funerals are more for the living than they are for the deceased.
shareI have a problem with that statement. Having experienced severe depression to the point of wanting to die (2 suicide attempts,) I would like to share this thought: When the darkness is beyond description, there appears to be only one solution to "ending the pain." The ability to see the devastation to others is not present. In many cases, one sees their own absence as a "relief" to those left living. Of course, that thought is greatly distorted from the actual reality of the situation, but a severely depressed person cannot see that. In my opinion, there is no "selfishness" involved.
The terrible sadness regarding Evan's (and many others') death, is that I am living proof that in many cases (if one lives through the horrible darkness,) life can change for the better. It has been many years since those awful experiences in my life and I am very happy and thankful to be blessed with joyful days.
I thought your comments, other than the "act of suicide is in itself so very selfish," were wonderful and I am not critical of your opinion, I just don't agree with that part. I really thought the film was beyond excellent and my heart goes out to the family.
being one who has experienced that darkness himself, I can say yes, it is selfish.
shareSelfish yes; able to think that it is? -not if you think it's the only way out. I completely agree that at sometimes you can think you're doing "them" a favour by leaving. The fact that Evan's parents were able to tell him how his "behaviour" was hurting them and that it helped was significant. But it doesn't always stick for good! Sometimes you can't keep believing what you hear over what you percieve in your own mind.
Slightly OT: the church the service was in was "St. John's" in New York (which apparently there are hundreds); what church even has services for a suicide? I'm not trying to sound cras. Did it have to do with the school he was in? And why it was so important for them to not know how he died? Just a personal request?
But, one other thing...why did no one wonder why Dana was filming so much of Evan? I know it was mostly home movies; but she's a film maker and had to know what she was filming at some point, right?
[my apologies, but I saw the movie only once (missing the first couple minutes) in a hotel driving back from my Grandad's funeral and don't get HBO]
Why is it that suffering always seems to make one holier?
"And why it was so important for them to not know how he died?"
Because of all the drama that happened at his earlier attempt at PS-11. It was undoubtedly talked about and a big issue at the school for weeks afterward (as evidenced by the brief PS-11 reunion scene where one student clearly was repulsed by the whole event). Evan probably figured most of the students who were at best casual acquaintances would never had understood what he was going through anyway.
"why did no one wonder why Dana was filming so much of Evan?"
I'm willing to bet that Spielberg and other film makers have a lot more home movies than most other parents. Much of it was just standard home movies that sometimes happened to catch Evan acting out. Some of it was probably because Dana felt it just had to be documented to be believed, as with the pictures she took of young Evan's demonstration of how he was going to hang himself. Most of the interviews and filming at places in Evan's life happened years after Evan died.
But if you're implying that at some point while Evan was alive Dana decided she was going to make a documentary of all this stuff, I greatly doubt it. After all, it took four years after Evan's death for the documentary to happen. Even with that much time it clearly was painful.
Why wouldn't a church have a service for someone who completed suicide?
Studies have shown there is no direct connection between your IQ and the ability to type.
Most of my extended family -large family on my Dad's side- and -my 1/2 brother's family- are all Old School Catholic. I'm not any denomination, really; but I thought (maybe) most Christian religions, like Catholic, see it as a sin that you can't be forgiven for. And in that way, you can't be given last rights and be given a Christian burial. I, unfortunately, have been to a lot of funeral (mostly recently) and my relatives explain these rules to me...we couldn't even take my Grandmother off life support because it's seen as a form of suicide; unless there is brain-death.
With that much pressure, sure glad I gave up trying; I kid...I stopped when my little 1/2 brother came into my life. Ironically, knowing I was the only one he had, gave me a reason to live. It also took a lot of pill adjustments and therapy and he helps too. But it's mutual; he has his problems...Aspergers.
Why is it that suffering always seems to make one holier?
I've also experienced this type of thinking in different religions. It's always puzzled me. There is no unforgivable sin and since all sin is equal to all sin - a suicide is not any more unforgivable than a lie or any other sin. It's sad that families who are enduring the immeasurable grief of losing a loved one to suicide are then exposed to this type of cruelty.
shareI just want to a Catholic service for a suicide. It was just like any other Catholic service. I don't see the big issue.
shareWell, I happened to be with my Dad when we watched it and he asked me to find out {because of the things in the previous post) and I thought someone here might know. Sounds like the church you went to is a little reformed then the ones that I've gone to...for family funerals.
Why is it that suffering always seems to make one holier?
Must not have been that dark.
"You are what you choose to be...choose"
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Do you think it's selfish to expect someone to stay alive when life is actually a trap of misery to them? Aren't you saying your desire is more important than their suffering? To me, that is more selfish than ending your own misery. We don't get to decline the invitation to participate in life and for people who suffer, this is the only control they feel they can have in their own lives.
I recommend you watch The Bridge. If you don't feel compassion and understanding after that, your view won't change, but it might enlighten you and your narrow-minded take that suicide is selfish. Consider that some people truly suffer just for being alive.
Do you think it's selfish to expect someone to stay alive when life is actually a trap of misery to them? Aren't you saying your desire is more important than their suffering? To me, that is more selfish than ending your own misery. We don't get to decline the invitation to participate in life and for people who suffer, this is the only control they feel they can have in their own lives.
I recommend you watch The Bridge. If you don't feel compassion and understanding after that, your view won't change, but it might enlighten you and your narrow-minded take that suicide is selfish. Consider that some people truly suffer just for being alive.
evan was dead. he no longer cared. meanwhile, it would be cruel to those actually still alive to bar them from a funeral because of a suicide note written in an ill state of mind.
shareFrankly, a dead person's wishes are rarely honored. They don't have any say-so beyond the grave. His wishes weren't honored, you're right, and the debate over whether or not his wishes were even legitimate is irrelevant.
And the act of suicide isn't selfish. A person's life is theirs. Wanting a person to endure relentless psychological agony just so you can have them around, well, that's selfishness.
BRAVO Placebo Overdose...BRAVO!!! YES...it is selfish of the OTHERS to want someone to stay alive who is in SO much pain.
Your words are perfection.
What do "normal" people NOT get about emotional/psychological pain? I guess that's just it: they don't get it. And that's great 'cause it means they haven't suffered like that. Oh sure, typical life let downs. But depression, much less bipolar depression? WALK IN THOSE SHOES. It's lovely the norm can't empathize, but PLEASE try to sympathize. ONLY mental torture will drive you to jump out a window.
Folks, the depressed aren't functioning on all cylinders, for lack of a better description. Hey, diabetics need insulin...depressives need their meds. And as in Evan's case, the meds will torture you in their own way too! Rock -- hard place.
I LOVE Boy Interrupted for the honor of having "met" Evan. How he tried! But he was fighting an uphill emotional cancer battle as the good doctor said. NOTHING he wrote on his list was even remotely true...he had lovely friends, and goodness, what a beautiful young man. Big, beautiful eyes framed with full, luscious brows. And his lips. GORGEOUS! Absolutely gorgeous.
Love for Evan always. And for his beautiful family. Thank you for sharing his life with us. Albeit short, he had his fabulous moments. You know that! His brain just couldn't handle life.
P.S. For the purpose of clarity, there's NO selfishness here. The idea of selfishness on the part of the person committing suicide is what fueled my response. No one involved was selfish.
to the first post: I thought about that too watching it. That his wishes weren't respected. But then I read an interview with Dana Perry where she says that it was in Evan's personality that he would TOTALLY enjoy this. He was "dramatic". And by watching the movie, I'd have to agree. I mean, isn't this pretty much what he did with the play at school?
Secondly, I think the stance I would take - the Perry's were unable to save their child. But if his story is able to help just ONE family.. one less 15 yo from trying suicide. Then he forfieted his right to privacy by jumping out of that window.
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One of his wishes was "to be forgotten". They didn't honor that one either.
Yeah but funerals are for the living. Everyone grieves in his/ her own way.
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