MovieChat Forums > Diary of a Tired Black Man (2008) Discussion > Slightly offended, slightly intrigued- m...

Slightly offended, slightly intrigued- maybe some advice.

posted 14 years ago by jellynelle123
13 replies | jump to latest

Well...first off, I am a black female, junior in college, and I've just viewed the movie (a recommendation from a friend of mine). Honestly, I can see where the opinions are coming from regarding the anger black women are notoriously known for, however this film made it seem that we ALL are screwed up and therefore responsible for the demolition of the black family.

I fail to see a movie that outwardly bashes ALL black men, like this does for black women. Sure, some BW have issues....but don't black men have issues too? In the movie, "James" was portrayed to be completely innocent with high morals, underdog qualities even and all the while Tonya is the shown to be the villian, she-devil, basically. I would have liked to see some balance in this portrayal, at least some "redemption" on her part.

Personally while watching this, I felt as if I were being called "evil" "ABW" and accused of all sorts of foolishness, while simply chillin in my room. I happen to know many classy, ambitious, God-fearing women who just desire the same qualities in a black man. Sadly, I know few black men who hold up to these standards even in the simpliest of ways. I am in NO way saying "good black men don't exist" but when looking at the statistics of deadbeat fathers, those on the DL, prisoners, abusers, cheaters, and thugs- AND seeing the miniority of decent black men with those of another race (particularly white), it does place a strain on the heart. I, and those I surround myself with aren't the purest of angels, but we attempt to treat everyone with respect...and admit our shortcomings when we're wrong. YES! exactly, a black woman can be humble and compassionate- even if the movie displayed otherwise.

Ultimately-> are the problems of black men really the fault of black women? Have we all fallen short of the glory of 'da brothahood?' No. I respect the views of the people interviewed and sometimes I question the basis of their conclusions, REGARDLESS, why can't we all just accept that every race, gender group has its own particular problems that contribute to the failure in today's "perfect american home"? Is that too hard to ask? The blame game has, always and forever will be downright ugly. So..IN THE NAME OF PEACE- just let it go (and that goes for brothas and sistahs alike).

[–] timalexander 14 years ago

Hi jellynelle123, I am the filmmaker Tim Alexander. First of all nobody ever said "All" - and almost every man interviewed said "Some black women, not all". Also the film's title is "Diary of 'A' Tired Black Man" - not diary of all black men against black women. He also showed where he was wrong for picking the wrong woman for the wrong reasons and staying to long.

If you flip it over it is the same story of a good black woman with a bad black man - they never show the flaws of the good woman - that is not the point! Nor is it here. The point is her anger.

If you want to learn more please visit and join my web forum at http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums/ you will find 66,000 post about this film there. Also listen to the director's commentary it will shed a lot of light.

[–] BigRich 14 years ago

Bravo, Tim

BTW, isn't this story based upon your bad experience? If yes, then, I don't see the problem as it's your story and you're telling it from your point of view. And like you said, nobody said all black women were like this, the movie just focused on that triffling bunch of cacklers and his mean-old ex.

My wife and I enjoyed the movie the other day. We caught it on Netflix.

_
Every person that served can be called a veteran, but not every veteran can be called a Marine.

[–] Smiling_Jolly_Roger 14 years ago

BTW, isn't this story based upon your bad experience? If yes, then, I don't see the problem as it's your story and you're telling it from your point of view.

That's fine, Big Rich, but did you notice how Tim tried to steer people to his point of view while interviewing them? That, along with the endless generalizations and poorly developed characters, was one of my biggest complaints about the film. Even when someone like that young sister (studying at Brown University) respectfully disagreed with him and made several vaild counterpoints, he would not budge from his position. How does one make a film from that vantage point, yet claim he wants to "foster dialogue?" The only dialogue one is likely to get out of that is a lot of bitter dispute.

STILL RIDIN'! FIGHT THE POWER!

[–] plopplopfizzfizzz 14 years ago

well said!

[–] Smiling_Jolly_Roger 14 years ago

Thank you very much, plopplopfizzfizz. I want to make it clear to everyone that I don't agree with Tim Alexander just because we both happen to be black men. I even tried to engage him on this board (he posts here), but he wouldn't respond to me.

STILL RIDIN'! FIGHT THE POWER!

[–] timalexander 14 years ago

Yes I do, but it is so far off here... I said why bother. Come into my house and post.

http://www.tiredblackman.com/forums/index.php

See you there.

[–] 14 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Smiling_Jolly_Roger 14 years ago

I may take you up on that, tim. In the meantime, I hope you understand where all the dissenting views come from. You've offended a lot of people, men and women alike.

STILL RIDIN'! FIGHT THE POWER!

[–] timalexander 14 years ago

And I have brought healing and perspective to many more... See you in my house. I am there.

[–] adamsrib719 11 years ago

"That's fine, Big Rich, but did you notice how Tim tried to steer people to his point of view while interviewing them? That, along with the endless generalizations and poorly developed characters, was one of my biggest complaints about the film. Even when someone like that young sister (studying at Brown University) respectfully disagreed with him and made several vaild counterpoints, he would not budge from his position. How does one make a film from that vantage point, yet claim he wants to "foster dialogue?" The only dialogue one is likely to get out of that is a lot of bitter dispute. "

Exactly SJR! Tim Alexander is a narcissists. An angry narcissists. The way he interacts with ANYONE who opposes his views or his work is downright shameful. The title should be 'Diary of an ANGRY BLACK MAN (whose YOUNGER wife left him and now he makes Black Women pay for his own shortcomings via a one-sided, low budget, TOM FOOLERY film like this one)' To a tired old narcissist like Alexander, to respectfully disagree with him is a full-blown attack! In order to "foster dialogue" you have to be willing to accept the views of others, which this nutjob is too immature to do. See for yourself. https://www.facebook.com/TimAlexanderLA

[–] new112 14 years ago

You know what? I get so tired of people trying to hide behind how they really feel and "backtrack" what they say by stating, "Not All, Just Some". People tend to say what they mean the first time, anything else is just an (attempted) cover up. Besides, if this were the case, of course 'some' black women have issues, just as 'some' White, Hispanic and Asian women do as well. If you did not intend to make this a film highlighting the flaws of the race of black women, then do not make it about race. The entire film was race-based. It featured black men (even a white man) criticizing, nitpicking, and finding flaws in BLACK women. So brothers please be honest if we are going to have open and honest diaglogue. If what you really want is a white women, by all means do so. Just admit it. Instead of blaming sisters, and then trying to cover it up by saying, 'well just some sisters'. And be careful what you wish for. You may get that perfect relationship that you are looking for with that white woman and end up like Tiger Woods! ;)

[–] LTUM 14 years ago

jelly, (btw i love your handle. does that mean what i think it means?)

two things:

you missed the point, cause he didn't say all women. it was a snapshot from one perspective, and a very valid perspective which exists, so the film was done right, some people just don't like the fact that it takes away the free pass they usually live with by shining a light on some of their less desirable traits.

two, since you are only 23 you may not view relationships the way someone in their 30's or 40's do, or maybe even late 20's

tim can correct me but i don't think he was coming at this from the angle of 'college hookups which went wrong and pissed me off'......

...i am certain he was referencing the serious problems faced in real relationships

-----------------------------------
"Where.... can I put my ash?"

[–] amt12 14 years ago

I just watched this on Showtime. In all honesty, I felt sorry for every person involved. To me, everyone looked angry. I'm a black woman. I've never had a relationship like this with any man.

I have been called an ABW, but only by a black man. When I was with men of other races, I was never thought of as angry. In fact the black-ex is the only one I don't still have a relationship with.

Go figure.