she fled the marriage to germany because her husband was abusive and controlling all their money (she had to keep her savings hidden in a handkerchief). in turkey the only people that supported her were also her husbands family, and only the women. obviously they could only do so much (when kemal is punishing umay and cem they command him to stop but don't physically try to intervene, when he comes back and there are 2 chairs empty his grandmother and sister leave the table, his father and mother stay.)
so she went to her parents place. this is her only known support system outside of turkey. she had no money to arrange something else and she hadn't talked to her friend in years (this is obvious when they meet again so staying with her would not have been an option). when umay is crying in the bathroom she says to her mother "i know you said you would always support me no matter what"... obviously at some point her mother promised her this. so it totally makes sense that despite them having possibly arranged the marriage (which btw may not have always been physically abusive) she would go back to her family. umay knew her father wouldnt immediately support her and that it would upset him, so she and her mother attempt to keep it a secret for a bit... and then later she tries to reason with him but he is not open to what he believes is her publicly shaming him.
umay's mother is really torn in this situation because she loves her daughter and grandson, but she feels she can't go against her husband and support umay. umay knows this is hard for her mother and that is why she keeps trying to contact her especially since her mother had promised to support her.
she didn't "bring a german lover to their doorstep", her family had already disowned her and the only person she brought to their doorstep was cem. her boyfriend only escorted them there. probably because of what happened at the women's shelter with her brother's scumbag friends. no one from her family even saw him except her older brother when they arrived and her father when they left. no one from her family even knew what was going on... this was her giving them one last chance. after this her sister comes to her at the kindergarten.
and she also didn't intentionally try to derail her sisters wedding. she didnt want that at all and she even says so when rana asks her to be there on her wedding day. umay obviously felt this still applied as she had no idea that rana had also disowned her/ was very upset with her. since the last thing rana said to her was "please stay"
while she may have known that the rest of her family didnt want her at the wedding, umay still didn't know that rana wanted nothing to do with her and nothing to do with cem. this might be a small plot hole because rana clearly has a phone and so does umay so they could have called each other.
and why would she leave berlin? berlin is a huge city and she was barely making it on her own. she was just starting to get her life together. she had a job (which i believe in germany there are work contracts where u must work for a company for at least 6 months before you can leave, or something like that... i'm not totally sure) she got her kid into kindergarten (these spots are not guaranteed). she probably thought, after a while her family would get over it. this isn't ridiculous. some people are like that. just because someone doesn't cut abusive people out of their lives immediately after they've been wronged doesn't make them unrealistic or stupid. not everyone has it in them to sever familial ties. and it's probably even harder for those raised in a belief system where family is very important.
and yeah she saw the gun drop next to her son. after her younger brother (whom she loved very much and actually had a good relationship with before he was pressured into doing bad things to her) held the gun up to her face and almost killed her and she was, crying. like, she was probably pretty shocked since she had 100% no idea that would happen.
i know you are being facetious about neurological damage being sustained during an abortion, but tbh it makes you sound like u can't empathise with umay. which you probably can't. that's your deal though... and i sense some pro-life vibes by how obviously 0 abortion has to do with neurology... she had that abortion for good reasons and it did not cause amnesia. the end.
actually, p.s. i just reread your post and i want to know why you hated umay so much that you made basically everything that went wrong for her in the film her own fault? do you hate all women or just the ones that have abortions and flee abusive husbands and try to make a life for themselves?
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