Please Explain Every Norm MacDonald Joke for those who don't understand

There's nothing to explain. He clearly thought the whole roast was a joke, itself, so he mocked it, and intentionally told bad jokes. He's laughing at you. And I was laughing because he was laughing at you. The end.

I found the jokes funny because every time you would expect a completely vulgar punchline, you get a completely corny joke, and the way he pulled it off, especially at the baloney joke had me laughing more than any other joke on the roast.

The jokes are so simple there's nothing to explain. Of course, that was the point. I don't know of any way to make them simpler unless maybe you're not a fluent English speaker.

George Carlin: It's all bullsh-t and it's bad for ya.

It's funny how everyone here takes the time to post, but refuses to answer the OP's request, by saying that the jokes need not be explained. That's your personal opinion, but the OP made a request, so I'll attempt to explain them.

1. John Stamos has a reputation of being a swinger... did you know that instead of being born w/ an umbilical cord, he was born with a bungee cord?

> People are normally born with an umbilical cord, so switching out the word with "bungee" just made it into something you wouldn't expect… and sometimes, it's funny because it's unexpected.
EDIT: Also, a bungee cord helps you "swing". Yes, it's a stupid joke. They all are. :-)

2. Cloris, people say you are over the hill... why you will never be over the hill, not in the car you drive.

> This was explained above… Cloris = old = over the hill… and old people drive slow cars, so she can't be expected to go over the hill.

3. Greg Giraldo has the grace of a swan, the wisdom of an owl, and the eye of an eagle... ladies and gentlemen, this man is for the birds!

> The phrase "for the birds" is an old phrase, used to describe something you don't like. Since he started off with compliments that use the name of birds (swan, owl, eagle), he ended this "joke" with the phrase "for the birds" to turn it into an insult.

4. Susie Essman may be a vegetarian, but she is still full of baloney in my book!

> When someone is "full of baloney", they are "full of crap". Apparently, Susie is a vegetarian, so she would definitely not be eating meat, so he called her "full of baloney", since baloney is meat.

5. Gilbert Godfried, when you go to the restroom later, you will see a sign that says: "Gentlemen, pay no heed, go right in... there is no room that says scoundrel on it" <--- This got no response from the audience

> The word "gentlemen" appears on many doors leading to a mens' room… and a "gentleman" is usually a decent, civilized, respectable person. He wanted to insult Godfried, so he called him a "scoundrel" which would make him… ummm… not a "gentleman".

6. Bob Saget, you have a lot of well-wishers here who would like to throw you down one... a well. They want to murder you in a well. Seems a little harsh... but it says that on this card (holds up joke card)

> I don't know what the phrase "throw you down one" means, but I'm assuming it's something that a well-wisher would do… so he changed the phrase by simply adding "a well" to the end of it, which would definitely hurt a person!

7. Bob has a beautiful face, like a flower... a cauliflower. No offense, but your face... looks... like a cauliflower.

> Again, the theme of these jokes are to start off with a compliment and end with an insult. You would normally compliment a woman by saying that she has a face like a flower, so it is already absurd that he is saying it to Saget. Then, he makes it more absurd by turning the word into "cauliflower" which is definitely not used to describe anyone's face.

8. Now heard you have hair on your chest, Bob, and that's not the only resemblance you have to Rin Tin Tin... your *beep* dog face. (the audience laughs heavily, but Norm says: "How can you not get that?")

> Rin Tin Tin was a canine TV star, obviously hairy, so he went from "hair on your chest" (a compliment for being manly) to hairy dog to dog face. (an insult)… the audience didn't get the other jokes, so when they finally laughed at a joke, he turned around and said "how can you not get that?" which in itself is another joke

9. Now there are times when Bob has something on his mind... when he wears A HAT! No thoughts at all... just a hat!

> Again, this starts with a "compliment" by saying that Bob's mind is not always blank, that he has something on his mind sometimes… then turns it around and says that the thing is a "hat".

10. Bob isn't the biggest sports fan. I took him to a ball game, and he came toting a double-barrel shotgun. I [Norm] said: "What the H is that for?" Bob said: "I heard the Lions were playing the Tigers!"

> The Detroit Lions are an NFL team and the Detroit Tigers are an MLB team, but lions and tigers are also animals, so he is trying to say that Bob is so stupid that he doesn't know anything about sports, so he took his gun to shoot some animals.

11. Bob is a good guy, he has never brought Christmas seals... he said he wouldn't know what to feed them!

> According to Wikipedia, "Christmas Seals are labels placed on mail during the Christmas season to raise funds and awareness for charitable programs." Assuming that this is what he's talking about, obviously something nice that you would do… then he turns it into something else, implying that Saget is thinking of seals as the animal seals, and that he's so stupid that he wouldn't know what to feed them.

And finally he does his whole "I love Bob...he is so kind" shtick.

Here are 2 that I remember that involved Norm from other sets:

Norm says (while reading newspaper): "I wanted to get a laugh, so I am reading Marmaduke!"

> Marmaduke appears in the "funnies" but is frequently criticized for not being funny… so he was being a smartass by saying that even Marmaduke would be funnier than the unfunny roast he's in.

Jim Norton: "Norm MacDonald, watching your set was like watching Henry Fonda pick blueberries." Norm says: "I don't think there's a person in here who wouldn't love to watch Henry Fonda pick blueberries

> Watching an old man pick fruit is like watching paint dry, so Norton was insulting him for being boring. But Norm says the unexpected by saying that watching Henry Fonda pick blueberries is some kind of fun activity, when it is obviously not.

If people can please just explain these to everyone else on the board, it would be helpful to me and for those who don't understand him. Even if 1 person explained it, I would like to see what others say about each joke.

> Now that I've explained all the jokes, they are no longer as funny as they could have been, if you "got" them the first time. (if they were funny to begin with!) Many viewers _did_ get the jokes, but just didn't like the jokes and did not find them to be funny. And some people pointed out that the jokes were supposed to be corny like Saget's family shows.