Favorte Lines!

"She's alright... She's just gonna need a little air"

"No, no air, Please. I'm alright." lmfao.

The whole seance scene = a riot!


"I'm going nowhere fast... and you're not coming." -LP

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Oh wow. Favourite lines? I could do this all day...

SABASHA: Please. Please! All this levity. Don’t you know that my life'’s been threatened. I sit here like a tiny tiny kitten. A kitten that'’s about to be picked up with tweezers it’'s so tiny.

SEYTON: ...Besides that my dear, I have a stick I found in the woods. I can hit people with it.

Any of Mrs. Cupcupboard'’s dialogue but especially:

MRS. CUPCUPBOARD: (to Sabasha) I'’m pretty sure you’'re going to die.

BURLING: Really, Mrs. Cupcupboard!

MRS. CUPCUPBOARD: (to Burling) I didn'’t say when! (to Sabasha) I'’m sorry for what I see. I am.

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FARADAY: I know I’'m going to regret this but wh...what are you doing now?

MRS. CUPCUPBOARD: Shooing tiny invisible balloon-mice. I'’m sorry. Did you want to do it?

HAPPY: How do I get myself into these things. I should listen to myself talk one of these days. Ahh...what am I worried about! There ain’t nothin’' to this bodyguardin'’ business. (raises his voice) Okay. Come on already! I ain’'t a’scared of no ghosts or curses or stuff...(shouts) that goes for you murderers too! I’ll take on all comers(?)...I...I'’ll ring your neck with both eyes tied behind my head. Ah come on...

SABASHA: (interrupts) I say...do you mind awfully shutting up? Thanks.

JANE: (hysterical) Oohh it was awful Miss! Just awful! Like the very bowels of hell just opened up and vomited forth some unspeakable terror!

FARADAY: Wh...wh...wh...what was it!? Describe it?!

JANE: (terrified) Oohh it was awful Sir! Just awful! Like something from your wildest nightmare it was! Something that couldn't’ be described in a million years!

BILLY: Try.

JANE: Oh I can’'t Miss. I daresn’t! A thing like that could kill ya! Just in the describing.

FARADAY: Risk it.

JANE: (upset) It was beyond any description, Sir. Like description just ain’'t been invented for the likes of this. Nameless and unspeakable it was!

BILLY: Could you try and name it and speak of it just for kicks?

JANE: (still upset) If I do, the very bowels of the pits of Hades would open their great maw and pull me down into an eternal black hole! In a sea of fire and pain and horror! (beat; calmly) I think it was someone wearing a hood?

Dear Lord, but the entire seance scene. How any of them kept a straight face with her is beyond me.
Best
Paladin

"Under your skin like a splinter"

Oh, so many...

Burling Famish Jr. - "I assure you I have never been less tiresome in my life!"

Happy Codburn - "Hey, a stiff! Whadda I win?"

Archie Folde - "I would like a ducky."

Archie Folde - "I knew a cabbie once. He holds his pants up with *both* hands now."

Mrs. Cupcupboard - (reading from the supposed addendum to the will ) "Hi. To whomever it may concern, I, Sinus Cavinder being of reasonably sound mind leave all of my worldly possesions to my wonderful nephew Burling Famish Junior, and not to my ward Sebasha Fanmore, 'cause I changed my mind. This is the real letter and not any kind of a fake or anything. This is definately the one you're looking for, so you can stop searching, you have definately found it. Really. Seriously. Okay? Sincerely, and Burling is crossed out and Sinus Cavender is written in." (puts paper to temple, as if listening to something unheard) "My extra senses are telling me there's more to this than meets the eye."

And all of Thessaly's insulting names for people
.
"You great box of fruit.".
"You stupid pomegranate."
"... flaming cyclops."
"... pebble-toed blanket twister."
"... great bundle of hedge clippers."
"... stupid ball of twine."
"... noseless pin cushion."
"... hoop-knickered gravy dipper."
"... remorseless collie trainer."
"... budgie faced billiard fancier."
"... soft-bellied ring tosser."

This is a really tough one because it makes you realize that most of the dialogue is only hilarious because of its delivery. This is one of my favorite comedies ever. Such a crime that it's so overlooked. The entire opening scene with the reporter and the cabbie has some of the most clever dialogue I've ever heard.

"Your hat's trying to talk to you."

You...are next..